Pre-school single dad conundrum

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - I did have coffee with one of the moms this morning and she is married. She's had kids at the school for six years and she wanted to be helpful in acclimating me to how everything operates given that I had the look of a deer caught in headlights at the first day of school and orientation. She knew I was a single dad and would feel like a fish out of water when it came to things like play dates which is somewhat true. At the same time I'm pretty sure that on behalf of the other moms she wanted to make sure I wasn't some kind of weirdo they should be concerned about. She was very nice and I told her I really appreciated the time.

Sorry, that seems very odd. It is PRESCHOOL. There isn’t much to it and what there is, the teacher tells you. I’ve never heard of a another parent needing a mommy mentor to navigate preschool. And make sure you aren’t a weirdo?? Most of the kids there have dads, right? There is absolutely nothing at all unusual about a dad taking his child to preschool or volunteering. She is sizing you up...for something.

I think you need to chill out. After six years she probably plays the role of the queen bee. OP thought she was nice, why can’t you?

A lot of families have more than one child and spend several yrs going to preschool, this is common and doesn’t make her Queen Bee of anything. Does this mom take out all the other mothers of kids in their first yr of preschool to coffee individually so she can be sure to acclimate them? Or only the dads?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - I did have coffee with one of the moms this morning and she is married. She's had kids at the school for six years and she wanted to be helpful in acclimating me to how everything operates given that I had the look of a deer caught in headlights at the first day of school and orientation. She knew I was a single dad and would feel like a fish out of water when it came to things like play dates which is somewhat true. At the same time I'm pretty sure that on behalf of the other moms she wanted to make sure I wasn't some kind of weirdo they should be concerned about. She was very nice and I told her I really appreciated the time.

Sorry, that seems very odd. It is PRESCHOOL. There isn’t much to it and what there is, the teacher tells you. I’ve never heard of a another parent needing a mommy mentor to navigate preschool. And make sure you aren’t a weirdo?? Most of the kids there have dads, right? There is absolutely nothing at all unusual about a dad taking his child to preschool or volunteering. She is sizing you up...for something.

I think you need to chill out. After six years she probably plays the role of the queen bee. OP thought she was nice, why can’t you?

A lot of families have more than one child and spend several yrs going to preschool, this is common and doesn’t make her Queen Bee of anything. Does this mom take out all the other mothers of kids in their first yr of preschool to coffee individually so she can be sure to acclimate them? Or only the dads?

At our Quaker Friends pre-school the parents go out of their way to get to know the new parents and that includes “coffee” with both dads and moms. It’s no big deal but it is a very nice tradition.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's just coffee. Do you enjoy coffee? Then go and get to meet another adult. If, after coffee, it appears like it was more than that, come back here and start a topic about that. This is a non-issue. It's an invite for coffee. If they intended something more, it will become clear and you are in control of what you do from there.

Women don't invite men for "just coffee".

Some do. Some women are kind and want a single dad to feel welcome and fit in. Regardless, it doesn't change the advice. He is still in control of what he does. He has the excuse the he was sorry he misunderstood. He thought she really meant coffee.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - I did have coffee with one of the moms this morning and she is married. She's had kids at the school for six years and she wanted to be helpful in acclimating me to how everything operates given that I had the look of a deer caught in headlights at the first day of school and orientation. She knew I was a single dad and would feel like a fish out of water when it came to things like play dates which is somewhat true. At the same time I'm pretty sure that on behalf of the other moms she wanted to make sure I wasn't some kind of weirdo they should be concerned about. She was very nice and I told her I really appreciated the time.

Sorry, that seems very odd. It is PRESCHOOL. There isn’t much to it and what there is, the teacher tells you. I’ve never heard of a another parent needing a mommy mentor to navigate preschool. And make sure you aren’t a weirdo?? Most of the kids there have dads, right? There is absolutely nothing at all unusual about a dad taking his child to preschool or volunteering. She is sizing you up...for something.

You have obviously never experienced SMS (supermom syndrome)

[Anonymous]

Damn you are hot and fresh meat!! This could get tricky with multiple ladies after you though (I am surprised there are multiple divorces already in preschool though so be cautious!)

[Anonymous]

People can be weird. OP just be nice and don't waste energy mind reading. Maybe you'll find a nice single lady there to ask out (WHICH IS FINE) and maybe you won't. Just try to be your best self and see if you can be friends with these other parents. That can only help your child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a single Dad and my daughter started preschool three weeks ago. I take her to and from school as I’m lucky to be able to work from home. I’ve already helped out at school so I’ve met most of the parents (almost all Mom’s) and chatted with many. Within the last week two of the moms - one today - asked me if I’d like to grab a cup of coffee after drop off. With both I made a non committal kind of response. I don’t know if they are married or single as I didn’t check out their ring finger but that’s not always a clear yes or know. They are both very attractive and my social life is pretty non existent given I’m rarely in a place where I meet women and I have not attempted social media. Do I take them up on the offer and see what’s up or do I just say thanks but no thanks politely. Even if they are single I do have concerns about dating a preschool mom if things go south but you never know. Many of you are likely pre-school moms so what should a single dad do. TIA.

OP here - I guess I should have posted on the preschool thread but it is what it is. I do intend to take them up on the coffee offer and I'll see how it plays out. My daughter's happiness at school is my #1 priority and I'm not going to risk it for someone whose libido is in overdrive. I am interested in dating but I don't need a Fatal Attraction bunny in the pot moment in my life. For those of you who are married meeting nice people when you are single is a real challenge unless you put yourself out there in social media which feels like too much work for me at this time in my life.

What is this repeated reference to "social media"? Are you talking about online dating? How old are you?

Online dating is a waste of time for men outside the top 10% of attractiveness (looks, income, etc.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - I did have coffee with one of the moms this morning and she is married. She's had kids at the school for six years and she wanted to be helpful in acclimating me to how everything operates given that I had the look of a deer caught in headlights at the first day of school and orientation. She knew I was a single dad and would feel like a fish out of water when it came to things like play dates which is somewhat true. At the same time I'm pretty sure that on behalf of the other moms she wanted to make sure I wasn't some kind of weirdo they should be concerned about. She was very nice and I told her I really appreciated the time.

All this is incredibly insulting but I guess such condescension (which would be mansplaining if a man did it to a woman) is great when a woman does it to a man.