Pre-school single dad conundrum

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it is an extremely bad idea to use your child's school as a dating pool. Extremely bad. Very likely to backfire in a number of ways.

General advice is to confine your dating life to things that will not impact your child unless or until you are ready for your child to be impacted. Dating at your child's school is basically the opposite of that in every way.

Yep, a friend’s brother found this out the hard way after he casual slept with two of the other moms (they were unaware of this). When they found out, they really made a stink about everything he did as a volunteer or just plain old parenting. Eventually, he lost the support of the other moms and it was a miserable year.

LOL at the non-existent "support" of other moms. I'd trade two notches for that any day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it is an extremely bad idea to use your child's school as a dating pool. Extremely bad. Very likely to backfire in a number of ways.

General advice is to confine your dating life to things that will not impact your child unless or until you are ready for your child to be impacted. Dating at your child's school is basically the opposite of that in every way.

Yep, a friend’s brother found this out the hard way after he casual slept with two of the other moms (they were unaware of this). When they found out, they really made a stink about everything he did as a volunteer or just plain old parenting. Eventually, he lost the support of the other moms and it was a miserable year.

LOL at the non-existent "support" of other moms. I'd trade two notches for that any day.

X2. Tear into that yummy mummy poon, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it is an extremely bad idea to use your child's school as a dating pool. Extremely bad. Very likely to backfire in a number of ways.

General advice is to confine your dating life to things that will not impact your child unless or until you are ready for your child to be impacted. Dating at your child's school is basically the opposite of that in every way.

Yep, a friend’s brother found this out the hard way after he casual slept with two of the other moms (they were unaware of this). When they found out, they really made a stink about everything he did as a volunteer or just plain old parenting. Eventually, he lost the support of the other moms and it was a miserable year.

LOL at the non-existent "support" of other moms. I'd trade two notches for that any day.

Yeah, I'll bet he really regrets boning two different hotties now that he's without the "support" of other Moms. OP, before you go out with one of the Moms, think about whether you can live with the other Moms at the school not supporting you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
The main reason not to go for a date in this instance is that in the eventuality that things end badly or even just awkwardly, it will be difficult to make a clean break. [Who cares, that's her problem. Not gonna be awkward for me.] OP will see this mom at pickup for at least the rest of the year. [So what? If there's a problem, she has it, she can deal with it. Or not. Not gonna be a problem for me.] Birthday parties will happen - will OP's kid be invited or not? will OP's kid want to invite the other kid? [Who cares? If OP's kid even knows he's boning other kid's moms, then OP is doing it wrong.]

I am remarried now, but I was a divorced mom will 70% custody. I never used my kid's school as a potential dating pool. As an adult, there are a number of places I could look for dates that were unconnected to my children. [You're not much of an adult if you can't date some guy for a while and then suffer constant emotional anguish every time you lay eyes on him forevermore if it doesn't work out. Geez, grow up. This isn't high school. If you break up, NOBODY CARES.]

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would assume this is “let’s make parent friends” coffee and not a date.

Same. Why are you assuming this is a date??!!

[Anonymous]

I would take them up on coffee and see where that leads to.

Perhaps they want to get to know the other parents.
Or they may find you attractive.

You will never know if you don’t accept their invitation.

If these women are single, then I see no harm in dating them.
Because considering your social life is non-existent, this may make it more enticing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would assume this is “let’s make parent friends” coffee and not a date.

Same. Why are you assuming this is a date??!!

Women make "parent friends" with other women, not single dads.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
The main reason not to go for a date in this instance is that in the eventuality that things end badly or even just awkwardly, it will be difficult to make a clean break. [Who cares, that's her problem. Not gonna be awkward for me.] OP will see this mom at pickup for at least the rest of the year. [So what? If there's a problem, she has it, she can deal with it. Or not. Not gonna be a problem for me.] Birthday parties will happen - will OP's kid be invited or not? will OP's kid want to invite the other kid? [Who cares? If OP's kid even knows he's boning other kid's moms, then OP is doing it wrong.]

I am remarried now, but I was a divorced mom will 70% custody. I never used my kid's school as a potential dating pool. As an adult, there are a number of places I could look for dates that were unconnected to my children. [You're not much of an adult if you can't date some guy for a while and then suffer constant emotional anguish every time you lay eyes on him forevermore if it doesn't work out. Geez, grow up. This isn't high school. If you break up, NOBODY CARES.]

PP here.

Fine, it's not going to be awkward for you. Go ahead and date all the moms of your kid's preschool friends. Let us know how it works out. That you think it's a good idea to use your kid's school to meet women says a lot about your priorities and maturity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would assume this is “let’s make parent friends” coffee and not a date.

So would I.

[Anonymous]

OP here - I did have coffee with one of the moms this morning and she is married. She's had kids at the school for six years and she wanted to be helpful in acclimating me to how everything operates given that I had the look of a deer caught in headlights at the first day of school and orientation. She knew I was a single dad and would feel like a fish out of water when it came to things like play dates which is somewhat true. At the same time I'm pretty sure that on behalf of the other moms she wanted to make sure I wasn't some kind of weirdo they should be concerned about. She was very nice and I told her I really appreciated the time.

[Anonymous]

If it is a private school, they could be prepping/sizing you up for an ask.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - I did have coffee with one of the moms this morning and she is married. She's had kids at the school for six years and she wanted to be helpful in acclimating me to how everything operates given that I had the look of a deer caught in headlights at the first day of school and orientation. She knew I was a single dad and would feel like a fish out of water when it came to things like play dates which is somewhat true. At the same time I'm pretty sure that on behalf of the other moms she wanted to make sure I wasn't some kind of weirdo they should be concerned about. She was very nice and I told her I really appreciated the time.

Sorry, that seems very odd. It is PRESCHOOL. There isn’t much to it and what there is, the teacher tells you. I’ve never heard of a another parent needing a mommy mentor to navigate preschool. And make sure you aren’t a weirdo?? Most of the kids there have dads, right? There is absolutely nothing at all unusual about a dad taking his child to preschool or volunteering. She is sizing you up...for something.

[Anonymous]

If you're worried about sending the wrong message or getting into hot water, maybe say, "hey, I'm not much of a coffee guy. Do you want to get the kids together at the park sometime instead?" It puts the kids back in the mix and makes things less murky.

I'm a single mom and I'd probably never ask a single dad to coffee unless I was interested in him. I think it's pretty likely this woman is interested. Otherwise she'd make it about the kids, with a playdate. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a single Dad and my daughter started preschool three weeks ago. I take her to and from school as I’m lucky to be able to work from home. I’ve already helped out at school so I’ve met most of the parents (almost all Mom’s) and chatted with many. Within the last week two of the moms - one today - asked me if I’d like to grab a cup of coffee after drop off. With both I made a non committal kind of response. I don’t know if they are married or single as I didn’t check out their ring finger but that’s not always a clear yes or know. They are both very attractive and my social life is pretty non existent given I’m rarely in a place where I meet women and I have not attempted social media. Do I take them up on the offer and see what’s up or do I just say thanks but no thanks politely. Even if they are single I do have concerns about dating a preschool mom if things go south but you never know. Many of you are likely pre-school moms so what should a single dad do. TIA.

OP here - I guess I should have posted on the preschool thread but it is what it is. I do intend to take them up on the coffee offer and I'll see how it plays out. My daughter's happiness at school is my #1 priority and I'm not going to risk it for someone whose libido is in overdrive. I am interested in dating but I don't need a Fatal Attraction bunny in the pot moment in my life. For those of you who are married meeting nice people when you are single is a real challenge unless you put yourself out there in social media which feels like too much work for me at this time in my life.

What is this repeated reference to "social media"? Are you talking about online dating? How old are you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - I did have coffee with one of the moms this morning and she is married. She's had kids at the school for six years and she wanted to be helpful in acclimating me to how everything operates given that I had the look of a deer caught in headlights at the first day of school and orientation. She knew I was a single dad and would feel like a fish out of water when it came to things like play dates which is somewhat true. At the same time I'm pretty sure that on behalf of the other moms she wanted to make sure I wasn't some kind of weirdo they should be concerned about. She was very nice and I told her I really appreciated the time.

Sorry, that seems very odd. It is PRESCHOOL. There isn’t much to it and what there is, the teacher tells you. I’ve never heard of a another parent needing a mommy mentor to navigate preschool. And make sure you aren’t a weirdo?? Most of the kids there have dads, right? There is absolutely nothing at all unusual about a dad taking his child to preschool or volunteering. She is sizing you up...for something.

I think you need to chill out. After six years she probably plays the role of the queen bee. OP thought she was nice, why can’t you?