Pre-school single dad conundrum

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I need to know if any of the folks on this thread are single parents with full custody.

I am, and I think folks are being WAY too cautious. If OP could see themselves enjoying the company of the other mom, and if the other mom is not attached, why not go for a date?

Here is a complete list of places where I - a single parent with a full time job - meet new people. Work. My kids' schools. Church.

All of those are a "bad idea" for one reason or another, but I actually think my kids' schools are the best of the three.

The main reason not to go for a date in this instance is that in the eventuality that things end badly or even just awkwardly, it will be difficult to make a clean break. OP will see this mom at pickup for at least the rest of the year. Birthday parties will happen - will OP's kid be invited or not? will OP's kid want to invite the other kid?

I am remarried now, but I was a divorced mom will 70% custody. I never used my kid's school as a potential dating pool. As an adult, there are a number of places I could look for dates that were unconnected to my children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would assume this is “let’s make parent friends” coffee and not a date.

Really? I wouldn't be thrilled if my DH started asking out the preschool moms for coffee to make parent friends.

Yes this. It would never occur to me to ask a man to a 1:1 coffee date I’ve seen at preschool drop off a few times- unless I was single or looking for an AP. This is not something a happily married woman would do unless for business or an already well established friendship.

These women likely are interested in being more than friends and I would stay clear for all the reasons already mentioned.

[Anonymous]

You go straight to how attractive they are and dating not whether their kid might make a good friend for your child. IMHO it’s a bit disgusting, put your kid first and keep your hormones in check.

We need to get the OP's kids class to go looking for the large stick that stuck in the poster's (quoted above) butt.

[Anonymous]

Those of you single parents with sole custody talking about your dating pools live in an alternate universe from mine. When my kids were in preschool I would have never hit on a dad i.e. asked him out for coffee, because I was so overwhelmed with all the things. Today kids can dress themselves but I would still never hit on the single dad of a preschooler. Societal norms being what they are, that smells like weeks of neglecting something or someone (work, housework, hugs/conversations/booktime/activities with kids, cooking them decent meals) in favor of grooming, flirting, dating.... only to get closer to the privilege of scheduling all doc appointments for two more people. Hell no, please include me out.

[Anonymous]

The odds of one of the moms being married and on the make is slim to none. No married woman looking for an AP would hit on a pre-school dad. If the women are single why not have coffee with them. For us single parents a 30 minute adult conversation is a wonderful break in the daily grind of being a single parent.

[Anonymous]

All the preschool Dads who volunteered at school were gay. Perhaps they think you are as well and just being friendly.

[Anonymous]

Come on people - it’s just coffee, not martinis at Clyde’s! OP sounds like a cautious adult not some horny teenager.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a single Dad and my daughter started preschool three weeks ago. I take her to and from school as I’m lucky to be able to work from home. I’ve already helped out at school so I’ve met most of the parents (almost all Mom’s) and chatted with many. Within the last week two of the moms - one today - asked me if I’d like to grab a cup of coffee after drop off. With both I made a non committal kind of response. I don’t know if they are married or single as I didn’t check out their ring finger but that’s not always a clear yes or know. They are both very attractive and my social life is pretty non existent given I’m rarely in a place where I meet women and I have not attempted social media. Do I take them up on the offer and see what’s up or do I just say thanks but no thanks politely. Even if they are single I do have concerns about dating a preschool mom if things go south but you never know. Many of you are likely pre-school moms so what should a single dad do. TIA.

How do you know it is romantic? I meet my friends for coffee and haven't hit on one of them!

[Anonymous]

I’m a single dad and I do a lot of the preschool drop offs. I know that some of the moms are single but she’d have to be very special to ever risk dating one of them. If the relationship went south I can see a lot of collateral damage for my son. If the moms child was in a different class that could make a difference but she’d still have to be very special to take the risk.

[Anonymous]

yes, do both and report back

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it is an extremely bad idea to use your child's school as a dating pool. Extremely bad. Very likely to backfire in a number of ways.

General advice is to confine your dating life to things that will not impact your child unless or until you are ready for your child to be impacted. Dating at your child's school is basically the opposite of that in every way.

Yep, a friend’s brother found this out the hard way after he casual slept with two of the other moms (they were unaware of this). When they found out, they really made a stink about everything he did as a volunteer or just plain old parenting. Eventually, he lost the support of the other moms and it was a miserable year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Come on people - it’s just coffee, not martinis at Clyde’s! OP sounds like a cautious adult not some horny teenager.

Women don’t ask men they are barley acquainted with, and only minimally through preschool, out to coffee to become better friends. This is atypical behavior.

[Anonymous]

Another eye-opening thread.

If you polled men, close to 100% would say to go for it. It's amazing to me how many women on here think this is a bad idea. Who cares if he sleeps with another mom and the preschool. They don't work together, and most kids from preschool go to different elementary schools.

Go for it, OP.

[Anonymous]

I'm a single dad, active at my child's school, and none of the mom's ever ask me out.

[Anonymous]

OP you must be hot for 2 requests! No advice other than you likely have a shot elsewhere. But, it would be nice to have a few parents that you can have as backup for pick up, play dates or general support.

Best way to do this is not to be so nervous or aloof. Just befriend them, grab coffee and schedule a play date. If they directly hit on you, you'll know what to do. Something like, you're lovely and I'm flattered but probably not a good idea in this circle or not and go for it. But I'd agree with a pp, she'd have to be pretty special to go down that path.