Pre-school single dad conundrum

[Anonymous]

I think it is an extremely bad idea to use your child's school as a dating pool. Extremely bad. Very likely to backfire in a number of ways.

General advice is to confine your dating life to things that will not impact your child unless or until you are ready for your child to be impacted. Dating at your child's school is basically the opposite of that in every way.

[Anonymous]

I’d have coffee with them as what’s the downside? I’d be very concerned about dating another preschool parent for reasons others have already expressed but accepting a coffee invitation isn’t going on a date unless you make it one so don’t make it one. If either of them sees it as more than that you can easily and politely shut it down. If it turns out you do really like one of them I’d be really cautious but as a single mom I know how hard it is to meet someone you really like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would assume this is “let’s make parent friends” coffee and not a date.

Serious question then, did any of the fellow moms at your preschool invite you out for coffee in the first month after you started there? I've moved alot and had kids at three different pre-schools. That literally never happened to me, and I never saw it happen with anyone else. I think op is smart to be cautious.

[Anonymous]

I would turn it into a play date. Bonus if you can get a group going with 2 or 3 other moms. Then you e widened your social circle and your daughter gets a play date with friends! Win-win!

Date people who aren’t in your ex wife’s social circle. The more you can have good boundaries with your ex the better off your daughter will be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would assume this is “let’s make parent friends” coffee and not a date.

This. This. This.

Go in assuming just friendly reach out to a hapless dad.

Even if they try to jump your bones at the coffee shop demure and build friendships and maybe once preschool is done you can think about dating them.

[Anonymous]

did you establish yourself as a single dad?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Presumably your Ex also knows or will know most of the preschool parents. If you and your EX are not on friendly terms and/or you have not been divorced more than 2 years don’t be the douche who starts flaunting your dating in front of her.

OP - I have sole custody and my ex lives out of state.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you interested in dating? Are you interested in getting to know this woman better? If the answer to both is Yes, then agree to grab coffee.

I didn't find preschool to be a friendly place, and made no friends the whole time my son was in daycare/preschool. Once he started at a real school that changed, but daycare/preschool was not a social scene for me and I doubt dating a parent with a kid there would have changed anything.

OP - I am interested in dating but I am cautious.

[Anonymous]

Who the hell has time for coffee after drop-off?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who the hell has time for coffee after drop-off?

The ones who are in yoga pants and are heading to class and would prefer to do something else!

[Anonymous]

I need to know if any of the folks on this thread are single parents with full custody.

I am, and I think folks are being WAY too cautious. If OP could see themselves enjoying the company of the other mom, and if the other mom is not attached, why not go for a date?

Here is a complete list of places where I - a single parent with a full time job - meet new people. Work. My kids' schools. Church.

All of those are a "bad idea" for one reason or another, but I actually think my kids' schools are the best of the three.

[Anonymous]

maybe they just want to bang

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I need to know if any of the folks on this thread are single parents with full custody.

I am, and I think folks are being WAY too cautious. If OP could see themselves enjoying the company of the other mom, and if the other mom is not attached, why not go for a date?

Here is a complete list of places where I - a single parent with a full time job - meet new people. Work. My kids' schools. Church.

All of those are a "bad idea" for one reason or another, but I actually think my kids' schools are the best of the three.

All you need to know is that the folks in this thread are women -- and are therefore giving crappy advice to a man.

The most troubling thing is that the OP is asking advice here. If he has read DCUM for any length of time he should know how hopeless that is.

OP, if they approached you then quit being a pussy and go for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would turn it into a play date. Bonus if you can get a group going with 2 or 3 other moms. Then you e widened your social circle and your daughter gets a play date with friends! Win-win!

Date people who aren’t in your ex wife’s social circle. The more you can have good boundaries with your ex the better off your daughter will be.

"So sorry, Larla, I've got to get into work. But let's get the kids together this weekend, have you and Larlo been to Close Fun Park?"

In this case the playdate actually seems like a safe place to figure out if either of you are interested in more.

[Anonymous]

Dating as a single parent is a minefield regardless of where or how you meet someone. If OP meets someone he really likes at preschool it’s just part of the minefield and you have to deal with it. Caution is the real key so rushing into something would be a bad idea but caution for all single parent dating is important.