What didn't you understand until you were a parent and now you do

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is just for fun!

Before I was a parent I thought parents sat in the back with their babies because they couldn't stand to leave their precious poopkins alone in back, and I thought they were overly indulgent nuts. Now I get that its for your own sake to keep the baby from screaming the whole way and I'm totally riding in back to save my sanity

Before I had 2 I didn't really see why screentime was necessary - now I'm all over the ipad for my 2yo to give me 15minutes to get baby down and give him a little 1:1 love

I never rode in the back.

[Anonymous]

I wish I had read "The Bitch in the House" before my kids were born. It might have pushed me to have those hard conversations with DH earlier. Instead, like many women, I ended up resenting him hugely.

I do think a lot of marital problems stem from mutual failure to articulate (or even understand) differing spousal expectations before having kids. For instance, maybe the woman assumes, without ever discussing it, that the man will make the money for the family and that if she ever decides to stay at home, her DH will be fine with it... while the man assumes, without ever discussing it, that both will always be equal breadwinners. Or, conversely, the man assumes that his career is more important because he earns more money, so the woman will be okay with putting her career on the back burner while the kids are young and doing more child care, or moving to a place that is best for his career, or whatever... while the woman assumes both careers matter equally.

This kind of unarticulated clash of assumptions can be a problem in any relationship, of course, with or without children, but I do think that the pressures of parenthood (no sleep, no time, tied to a tiny, helpless creature who needs to be fed and cared for 24/7) can make the resulting problems far more existential.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I thought that when kids were tired, they'd sleep. HA. Hahahahaha.

You are so cute.

[Anonymous]

I thought the secret to getting a kid to sleep was to keep them from napping so they would be more tired. I now understand that tired kids resist sleep... well-rested babies go to sleep easily. Naps are the secret. Constant naps.

[Anonymous]

I thought changing diapers and so on would be really gross. I learned that when it's your own child, it's really not a big deal.

[Anonymous]

How much less bandwidth I'd have for work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is just for fun!

Before I was a parent I thought parents sat in the back with their babies because they couldn't stand to leave their precious poopkins alone in back, and I thought they were overly indulgent nuts. Now I get that its for your own sake to keep the baby from screaming the whole way and I'm totally riding in back to save my sanity

Before I had 2 I didn't really see why screentime was necessary - now I'm all over the ipad for my 2yo to give me 15minutes to get baby down and give him a little 1:1 love

I never rode in the back.

Same. I still equate it with overly indulgent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That you really, really need to have a very detailed conversation with your spouse about child care responsibilities and household chores *before* the baby is born. If you just assume it will all work itself out, odds are you will slip into a highly gendered division of labor and at least one of you will be very resentful.

Questions to discuss before the baby comes:

who gets up in the middle of the night?
who gets up early in the morning?
who takes time off from work? how much time?
who's in charge on weekends?
how much are you willing to let in-laws/grandparents visit/help?
do you agree re breast versus bottle? cloth versus disposable diapers?
what's your infant sleep philosophy?
do you agree about the value of day care versus nannies etc?
where will you live? will you both work long-term?
and so on

ignore these at our peril.

Infant sleep philosophy?? No, we sure as hell didn’t discuss that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Infant sleep philosophy?? No, we sure as hell didn’t discuss that.

but when one of you wants to let the baby cry it out and the other wants to co-sleep... you realize you should have. Biggest fight DH and I ever had.

[Anonymous]

I did not understand how much parents love their kids. I never particularly liked kids. Now I have a baby, I get it. I'm consumed by love for her. I could stare at her all day It's helped me to understand other people.

It's been surprising how good it is. I was prepared for and read about all the bad things, but I didn't think about how wonderful it could be.

[Anonymous]

...That I could actually function on little sleep.
...That I could learn how to be truly patient and enjoy it.
...That I would have terrifying images of scenarios in which my child could get hurt pop up into my head from out of nowhere; similarly, that reading or hearing about bad things happening to other kids would make me sob uncontrollably.
...That I would feel very proud of myself and content in life because my kids are good humans.
...That I would make great new friends with my parents of my kids' friends.
...That I would acutely feel the swift passage of time with every milestone, every onesie outgrown, every training wheel taken off a bike, every new pair of shoes...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is just for fun!

Before I was a parent I thought parents sat in the back with their babies because they couldn't stand to leave their precious poopkins alone in back, and I thought they were overly indulgent nuts. Now I get that its for your own sake to keep the baby from screaming the whole way and I'm totally riding in back to save my sanity

Before I had 2 I didn't really see why screentime was necessary - now I'm all over the ipad for my 2yo to give me 15minutes to get baby down and give him a little 1:1 love

I never rode in the back.

Same. I still equate it with overly indulgent.

Oh FFS - then you didn't have a screamer. I'm sure you now other things to survive the day that other people judge

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I thought changing diapers and so on would be really gross. I learned that when it's your own child, it's really not a big deal.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:...That I could actually function on little sleep.
...That I could learn how to be truly patient and enjoy it.
...That I would have terrifying images of scenarios in which my child could get hurt pop up into my head from out of nowhere; similarly, that reading or hearing about bad things happening to other kids would make me sob uncontrollably.
...That I would feel very proud of myself and content in life because my kids are good humans.
...That I would make great new friends with my parents of my kids' friends.
...That I would acutely feel the swift passage of time with every milestone, every onesie outgrown, every training wheel taken off a bike, every new pair of shoes...

Same here. I love my babies and maybe because I had them late in life, I wanted to keep every single memory of them in my heart.

[Anonymous]

+ a million. I started a journal the day my child was born. Filled with gratitude for every minute. Hard times too.