What didn't you understand until you were a parent and now you do

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I did not understand how much parents love their kids. I never particularly liked kids. Now I have a baby, I get it. I'm consumed by love for her. I could stare at her all day It's helped me to understand other people.

It's been surprising how good it is. I was prepared for and read about all the bad things, but I didn't think about how wonderful it could be.

Agree. Being a parent made me more tolerant and compassionate towards other adults. I now find it easier to imagine the child they once were, which makes it easier to be kind.

[Anonymous]

The reality of the sandwich generation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I thought changing diapers and so on would be really gross. I learned that when it's your own child, it's really not a big deal.

Ha! I never thought changing diapers would be gross (I did a lot of babysitting) but I didn’t realize how much I’d talk about poop and toots every day and that it would be totally normal dinner conversation with my husband. Pre-kids we were people who did not pass gas in front of each other and did not ever mention pooping or scents coming from the bathroom or anything remotely like that. We just pretended none of that happened. Now suddenly it’s not verboten and I’m not actually sure how I feel about it. (When it’s dh’s turn to console a wailing toddler after bedtime and return her to bed he thinks it’s funny to tell her that mommy can’t come upstairs because her tummy hurts—“lots of poops! Bad poops!”—because he knows I’ll hear it over the monitor. )

[Anonymous]

How much help from others I would need.
I was always very independent and thought I could do it all by myself.

[Anonymous]

That my whole concept of modesty and privacy would shift. Once you’ve had random strangers sticking their hands inside you while chatting about sports and news... you kind ogpf get over feeling self-conscious about nudity etc.

[Anonymous]

I have forgiven my parents for so much because I realize how hard this parenting thing really is and how much they did for us.

[Anonymous]

More humility about what teen moms/young moms go through and a hardline appreciation for postpartum counseling and support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have forgiven my parents for so much because I realize how hard this parenting thing really is and how much they did for us.

This plus 1000

[Anonymous]

That everyone is just doing their best. I agree with forgiving my parents. They had 4 and handled their days better than I can with 2 sometimes. I get that they were tired, exhausted yet still helped with homework every night and read to us, took vacations with us, drove us to all of our events.
Wow. Just wow.

[Anonymous]

It’s not as easy as “well, tell them not to do that”. And also you don’t know what someone is going through...

Mine has an eating issue (psychological related) and I’m constantly told “just don’t give her food” - Starving a child is called child abuse...we are working with a psychologist, dr and dietitian...its a lot more complex than “don’t let her eat the cupcake at the party”

And like pp said - no two kids are the same.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:How much I really used to sleep in.

This and how much free time I used to have. And how much time I wasted!

We are friends with a couple that has no children and it is unbelievable how leisurely their weekends are. And they will be able to retire early and have even more leisure time.

To do what, exactly? Read more books, watch more movies? Gimme a break. Raising children into adults is much more worthwhile.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much I really used to sleep in.

This and how much free time I used to have. And how much time I wasted!

We are friends with a couple that has no children and it is unbelievable how leisurely their weekends are. And they will be able to retire early and have even more leisure time.

To do what, exactly? Read more books, watch more movies? Gimme a break. Raising children into adults is much more worthwhile.

??

I have kids and don’t understand the judgement towards those who don’t. I love my kids to death but there are other things in life that are as worthwhile. Some people don’t find having kids as the only only fulfillment in life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much I really used to sleep in.

This and how much free time I used to have. And how much time I wasted!

We are friends with a couple that has no children and it is unbelievable how leisurely their weekends are. And they will be able to retire early and have even more leisure time.

To do what, exactly? Read more books, watch more movies? Gimme a break. Raising children into adults is much more worthwhile.

Eye roll +100

I have kids whom I love very much. But I have so much envy for some of my friends who are DINKs! I wouldn't trade my kids for their lives, but their lives do look very nice from the outside. I'm sure they still have lumps and worries and sticky spots too. But their lives are certainly worthwhile, just as much as mine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The difference between an front loader and a digger.

+1. I can also identify hay balers and combine harvesters now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We had kids later than most in our friend group and I'm still eating the humble pie - my opinions on everything from sleep training to when/how/who to leave your kids with have changed now that I'm a player instead of a spectator. It's a rite of passage to realize you can't judge someone until you've been in their shoes, and I'm grateful for the experience.

Except I still don't understand parents who get upset when their kids aren't invited to weddings. Sorrryyyyyy.

This is nice to read. I was the first in my friend group to have kids and got so much judgement from the non-parents who knew everything ("I would never do IVF." "I would never adopt" "I would never get a c-section." "I'm going to be a working mom. I hope you understand" lol what?).

Permanently altered those relationships. Anyway, they mostly had kids a few years later and got their humble pies (and their fertility meds, c-sections, and flex schedules -- welcome to reality, people).

What I didn't understand until I had kids -- that my career would become more of a means to an end (pays for health insurance and soccer cleats) than a "passion," and even more surprising, that I'm fine with that shift.

I get that last point too. Before kids, all some of us have is our career and a lot of people let that define them. Once you have kids, you realize how narrow and shallow that career-oriented point of view can be; its like you've been given a secret brief peak into the meaning of life and though "the answer" slips away quickly, it leave a lasting impression that can change you. Your personal idea of the meaning of life shapes all of your priorities and decisions.