What creates failure to launch kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Contrary to what some posters want to believe, I see more "floundering" kids from laissez faire families than from overly involved families where the parents established strong frameworks for growing up with high expectations and a clear path to adulthood. The helicopter parents got their kids out of the house into good colleges, then good grad schools and then good careers.

Perhaps, but if a child is living in an apartment that the parents are paying for, is that really being independent? Maybe that is failure to financially launch?

[Anonymous]

NYT’s article claims helicopter parenting works to secure success. The only children I know who have failed to launch had parents or selves with medical disabilities or limited educational attainment/opportunities.

[Anonymous]

^ It’s been shown that the truly successful children are the ones being supplemented by mom and dad. They are able to live in better conditions than peers, which affords them better job opportunities and access to partners that also have better economic foundations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:100 years ago, it was really common for kids to live at home until they were married, which sometimes meant until their parents died if they never married. One difference is that those children were expected to contribute to the household, both financially and through work around the house (cooking, cleaning, repairs, etc.). I don't have a problem with young people living with their parents, so long as they are being adult about it and contributing to the household -- that seems to me just a cultural choice, rather than a failure to become an adult. Free-riding is a problem.

Lol. I don’t think this thread is about productive adults living at home after college.

Okay, caveat. IF you are single, in grad school or soon to go to grad school, you get a pass. But if you are an educated, grown ass adult and you still live at home - That is FTL! You don't get to call yourself a productive adult if you are still living in your parents' house.

[Anonymous]

^ To sum up: a failure to launch, may be a failure to invest.

[Anonymous]

Star athlete, super popular at pricey prep school, good grades, super involved parents (Mom head of PTA)....depression once he hit college...never graduated and can’t hold a job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^ It’s been shown that the truly successful children are the ones being supplemented by mom and dad. They are able to live in better conditions than peers, which affords them better job opportunities and access to partners that also have better economic foundations.

So, if parents can afford to subsidize or cover living expenses, that's good.

If parents can't afford that, but can afford to have kids living at home with them for similar economic savings for the child, that's bad?

Your privilege is showing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ It’s been shown that the truly successful children are the ones being supplemented by mom and dad. They are able to live in better conditions than peers, which affords them better job opportunities and access to partners that also have better economic foundations.

So, if parents can afford to subsidize or cover living expenses, that's good.

If parents can't afford that, but can afford to have kids living at home with them for similar economic savings for the child, that's bad?

Your privilege is showing.

You're clearly looking for the evils of privilege so I suggest you check your biases.

The poster only pointed out that successful children are often supplemented by the bank of mom and dad and explained how it happens. There was nothing in the post to judge families with children still living at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Contrary to what some posters want to believe, I see more "floundering" kids from laissez faire families than from overly involved families where the parents established strong frameworks for growing up with high expectations and a clear path to adulthood. The helicopter parents got their kids out of the house into good colleges, then good grad schools and then good careers.

Same here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Star athlete, super popular at pricey prep school, good grades, super involved parents (Mom head of PTA)....depression once he hit college...never graduated and can’t hold a job.

I think this is common. Adult life never measured up to the high school glory for (some of) the superstars. I actually think there is reasearch that shows this. Let ‘em struggle a little peeps! And don’t bull doze their way onto the sports team, into the right cliques, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:100 years ago, it was really common for kids to live at home until they were married, which sometimes meant until their parents died if they never married. One difference is that those children were expected to contribute to the household, both financially and through work around the house (cooking, cleaning, repairs, etc.). I don't have a problem with young people living with their parents, so long as they are being adult about it and contributing to the household -- that seems to me just a cultural choice, rather than a failure to become an adult. Free-riding is a problem.

Lol. I don’t think this thread is about productive adults living at home after college.

Okay, caveat. IF you are single, in grad school or soon to go to grad school, you get a pass. But if you are an educated, grown ass adult and you still live at home - That is FTL! You don't get to call yourself a productive adult if you are still living in your parents' house.

^+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:100 years ago, it was really common for kids to live at home until they were married, which sometimes meant until their parents died if they never married. One difference is that those children were expected to contribute to the household, both financially and through work around the house (cooking, cleaning, repairs, etc.). I don't have a problem with young people living with their parents, so long as they are being adult about it and contributing to the household -- that seems to me just a cultural choice, rather than a failure to become an adult. Free-riding is a problem.

Lol. I don’t think this thread is about productive adults living at home after college.

Okay, caveat. IF you are single, in grad school or soon to go to grad school, you get a pass. But if you are an educated, grown ass adult and you still live at home - That is FTL! You don't get to call yourself a productive adult if you are still living in your parents' house.

Really? My brother and I did not leave home right away when we finished college. But, we also never rented - that money we would have spent on “calling ourselves productive adults” went straight into our down payments and renovations. We became homeowners in our 20s and were way ahead our “independent” peers, financially speaking. Some FTL!

[Anonymous]

Seems different now than when I graduated from college. Apartments more expensive, entry level jobs harder to come by. I’m mid 40s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:100 years ago, it was really common for kids to live at home until they were married, which sometimes meant until their parents died if they never married. One difference is that those children were expected to contribute to the household, both financially and through work around the house (cooking, cleaning, repairs, etc.). I don't have a problem with young people living with their parents, so long as they are being adult about it and contributing to the household -- that seems to me just a cultural choice, rather than a failure to become an adult. Free-riding is a problem.

Lol. I don’t think this thread is about productive adults living at home after college.

Okay, caveat. IF you are single, in grad school or soon to go to grad school, you get a pass. But if you are an educated, grown ass adult and you still live at home - That is FTL! You don't get to call yourself a productive adult if you are still living in your parents' house.

but why? my kid got a job in dc, and I see no reason for her to piss away half her entry level salary into rent when she could live at home for a few years and put that money toward investments, a down payment, etc. making bad financial decisions just FOR INDEPENDENCE!!!!!! is stupid.

[Anonymous]

Not judging here ... but don’t we have to let them make their own decisions? Even if we think they are “bad financial decisions?”

Plus maybe she would make great decisions or meet some fantastic new friends or a significant other! If we tell them they can’t do these things, they won’t be able to.