Would you let someone homophobic instruct your child?

[Anonymous]

Well, he gets to have his place to post his views and opinions, and you get to see it and decide if you are comfortable with him around your child, or not.

Personally, my views are likely different than yours, but I strive to not post things that I think might be hurtful to others. I get to have my own views, while loving others. I see his posting as not being loving.

So I probably would not have my child stay in that class.

[Anonymous]

This is not a matter of a difference of opinion people. This is a person who has bigoted beleifs against WHO OP IS, not what she believes. If I as a black woman found out that someone influencing my child was posting hateful things about black people, that would not be an issue of differing opinions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This world that we live in is so sad. People can no longer have a difference in opinion and co-exist. I may not agree with your lifestyle, but I would have the upmost respect for you and not treat you any differently because of your choices. That goes for anyone.

This is not a difference of opinion. If you believe homosexual parenting harms children, then we don’t have a difference in opinion, we have a fundamental difference in morality and I think you are a bigot. Bigots don’t get my discretionary income.

That is absolutely a difference in opinion. I may believe that a white couple adopting Asian children isn't fully in the children's best interest and I may have real reasons to support that. I may believe it's best for Asian families to adopt Asian babies. Of course, adoption into any happy, healthy family is better than an orphanage, but am I a bigot because I have that opinion/preference?

But if you were a white parent to an adopted Asian child, those beliefs go beyond simple opinion. They're a stance against you and your family. OP does not need to tolerate someone's intolerance toward her.

[Anonymous]

I would talk to him. Communication is always a good way to find out true feelings. Also, he may be closeted.

[Anonymous]

TBH I would pull both my kids from the studio and tell the owner exactly why. People who are publicly homophobic should not be in a position of instructing or caring for children, period.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:We are a happily married 2 Mom family with an adopted DD who is now 7.
DD does a martial art and I just found the facebook page of one of the instructors ( He did not friend me on fb) and there are some ignorant and hateful posts on his wall that can be seen by anyone. Most recent was a few days ago when he posted from a site that says "Sociologists say homosexual parenting harms children"

He has always been polite to me and I have not noticed any overt behavior that is different towards my child. But, I am concerned she could potentially be held back by his beliefs and it just really bothers me that he is even around my child.
Would you do or say anything?

Op I wouldn't do anything or say anything unless he directly said something to you or your daughter that is homophobic. I think it is a fine line and while I don't agree with his viewpoint he is allowed to express his opinion. What if the instructor was gay and someone pulled their kids out of the class because they didn't like the gay pride stuff they posted? You would be horrified no?

Plus, you would be only harming your child since she enjoys the activity.

OMFG. Someone pulling their kids out because they are prejudiced themselves against the pride-supporting instructor is not the same as pulling the kid out because the instructor is intolerant.

It is the same. Op never said the person did anything to her or her daughter. People can have different opinions. Even some gay people don't think that gays should be parents ( Dolce and Gabbana for one) There was a big disagreement between them and Elton John. At least this instructor didn't do anything personally to them.

I have a ripped from real life example of why a homophobic instructor is troubling even if they have not yet said something to the child. My 8 year old was at camp this summer and said to one of her counselors "did you know something about me, I have two moms" and the counselor thankfully said something like "that's cool!" For an extracurricular activity, I don't want to put my kid in the position of potentially having her family denigrated, if I already know in advance about the person's beliefs. With a classroom teacher, it's a little trickier and I would make an appointment and have a conversation about what they would say/not say. You could just have a conversation with the instructor, but that takes a lot of emotional energy.

That is the exact opposite of a troubling example.

Yes, it was an example that turned out really well-and I was really thankful for the counselor's response. I was thinking that people would infer from that example, that if OP's child said something similar to the instructor, the kid might get a very different response that could feel really hurtful or scary. As an adult, I have people I just don't talk about certain topics with because we agree to disagree. But, I wouldn't expect my kid to not talk about her life.

So you think if your child said that to a "homophobic" counselor, they would have said "your mom's are going to hell" or something? What if they just said something neutral like "Wow, I didn't know that about you. Thanks for sharing. Hey! It's time for open swim, let's go to the pool!"

They might. But, isn't it my job as parent to use the information I have to create a safe and supportive environment for my child? I don't think most parents would want to send their child into an environment where the instructor had publicly denigrated some essential aspect of their identity like their race or their faith or their family structure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This world that we live in is so sad. People can no longer have a difference in opinion and co-exist. I may not agree with your lifestyle, but I would have the upmost respect for you and not treat you any differently because of your choices. That goes for anyone.

This is not a difference of opinion. If you believe homosexual parenting harms children, then we don’t have a difference in opinion, we have a fundamental difference in morality and I think you are a bigot. Bigots don’t get my discretionary income.

That is absolutely a difference in opinion. I may believe that a white couple adopting Asian children isn't fully in the children's best interest and I may have real reasons to support that. I may believe it's best for Asian families to adopt Asian babies. Of course, adoption into any happy, healthy family is better than an orphanage, but am I a bigot because I have that opinion/preference?

A bigot is someone who is intolerant toward people who have different opinions. Intolerance is not the same as disagreeing.

No, you don't know what a bigot is. It is intolerance towards others who differ. Let Houghton Mifflin enlighten you. The coach is definitely a bigot.
http://definition.org/define/bigot/

One who is strongly partial to one's own group, religion, race, or politics and is intolerant of those who differ. (noun)
A person who is intolerant of any ideas other than his or her own, esp on religion, politics, or race (noun)

Wut? You literally just said the same thing that I said. "intolerant of any ideas other than his or her own" - wtf?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This world that we live in is so sad. People can no longer have a difference in opinion and co-exist. I may not agree with your lifestyle, but I would have the upmost respect for you and not treat you any differently because of your choices. That goes for anyone.

This is not a difference of opinion. If you believe homosexual parenting harms children, then we don’t have a difference in opinion, we have a fundamental difference in morality and I think you are a bigot. Bigots don’t get my discretionary income.

That is absolutely a difference in opinion. I may believe that a white couple adopting Asian children isn't fully in the children's best interest and I may have real reasons to support that. I may believe it's best for Asian families to adopt Asian babies. Of course, adoption into any happy, healthy family is better than an orphanage, but am I a bigot because I have that opinion/preference?

A bigot is someone who is intolerant toward people who have different opinions. Intolerance is not the same as disagreeing.

No, you don't know what a bigot is. It is intolerance towards others who differ. Let Houghton Mifflin enlighten you. The coach is definitely a bigot.
http://definition.org/define/bigot/

One who is strongly partial to one's own group, religion, race, or politics and is intolerant of those who differ. (noun)
A person who is intolerant of any ideas other than his or her own, esp on religion, politics, or race (noun)

Wut? You literally just said the same thing that I said. "intolerant of any ideas other than his or her own" - wtf?

DP, but you seem dense. PP was pointing out a person who dislikes another because they are gay is not a difference of opinion because they don't like the gay person for being gay. That's intolerance.

[Anonymous]

“It sounds like you were looking at his personal facebook page. Unless it was a professional page, the views expressed there are personal. A class is not. Does he express his personal viewpoints in class or invite the class to view his facebook page? Does he treat anybody with anything less than professionalism and respect? If so, I agree it's inappropriate. If not, it seems like he's respecting the line between his personal and professional life, but you're crossing it.

People are entitled to their personal beliefs.”

Exactly. I disagree with the instructor but this is spot on.

[Anonymous]

“HomosexuAlity does not exist in this dojo.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

PP Forgot to add I don't agree with the instructor but, I do question gay men especially who go to great lengths to have biological children. It seems cruel to cut children out of their mother's lives. To me, it is the modern version of A Handmaid's tale. I read one gay dads induced the birth mother unnecessarily because they didn't want to wait any longer. Could have been harmful to baby and mother but, they didn't care.

You sound like someone who believes whatever they read. Doctors won't induce "for no reason" if they think it will be harmful. The parents wouldn't require a harmful induction for no reason. Not only do they love their kids, they spent thousands and thousands to get to that point. I don't believe this story for a minute.

I'm the pp. It was the gay men who said it. Why wouldn't I believe what they reported? Do you not believe in anything you read? The reason they gave was the woman lived too far away and in a rural area and they wanted to be there. I suppose it was close enough to the due date so they went along with what the men wanted. However, I find it disturbing that they did out out of convenience to them. Not the mother or the baby.

[Anonymous]

OP, many ppl share his beliefs about same sex parents just smart enough to hide it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

PP Forgot to add I don't agree with the instructor but, I do question gay men especially who go to great lengths to have biological children. It seems cruel to cut children out of their mother's lives. To me, it is the modern version of A Handmaid's tale. I read one gay dads induced the birth mother unnecessarily because they didn't want to wait any longer. Could have been harmful to baby and mother but, they didn't care.

You sound like someone who believes whatever they read. Doctors won't induce "for no reason" if they think it will be harmful. The parents wouldn't require a harmful induction for no reason. Not only do they love their kids, they spent thousands and thousands to get to that point. I don't believe this story for a minute.

I'm the pp. It was the gay men who said it. Why wouldn't I believe what they reported? Do you not believe in anything you read? The reason they gave was the woman lived too far away and in a rural area and they wanted to be there. I suppose it was close enough to the due date so they went along with what the men wanted. However, I find it disturbing that they did out out of convenience to them. Not the mother or the baby.

NP. In my home country they would induce for sure for a reasonable fee.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No way. I'm not gay, and I wouldn't want this person around my kid

He's allowed to have his own beliefs. Unless he is expressing them around your child or treating her any different, I wouldn't do anything about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am personally against same sex marriage but I would not let that be known in my work environment. It does not affect how I treat gay people.

I bet gay people you work with would disagree.

Why? It's doubtful they even know.