Is paying for a daughter's wedding still a thing?

[Anonymous]

My parents didn't pay for my wedding, but I was an associate at a big law firm. It would have been ridiculous for them to.

[Anonymous]

We sat down with our daughter and discussed her ideas and thoughts for the day. Once we had an idea of number of guests, we came up with a ballpark budget from there. We paid about 10k and so did they. Groom’s parents did the rehearsal dinner and also helped with decorations and painted signs, etc. as they are more crafty. I did pay for my daughter’s dress on top of what I promised because we fell in love with it. It was a very collaborative process and turned out to be such a truly special day, and we all felt a part of it. I think that’s the most important element - just coming together to share a meaningful moment in all of your lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, or give a set amount. If they have been living together for years, they are adults and should pay for their own.

They clearly aren't adults if they are still living with mommy and daddy. You offer to contribute what you would like OP. It should have nothing to do with the fact that you are thrilled with the engagement or not. Some people pay hundreds of thousands of dollars, some people kick in $5000. Do what feels right to you.

Excuse you. Yes, it should. OP you have a right to simply give a wedding gift and contribute nothing. They are adults and nobody is expected to pay for their kid's wedding. If my kids marry people where we think it's not a healthy relationship we will not contribute anything. (We have a boy and a girl). If we think it is a good relationship that is healthy we may offer to pay for the honeymoon for both regardless of gender. I am not a fan of weddings. I think people focus too much time on the party and impressing others and not enough time on making sure what they have will last. We would be thrilled if our kids didn't have weddings, but simply threw a small party once married or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with the posters that say it depends on your social circle. My parents specifically had a wedding fund for me and my sister so that they could pay for the entire wedding. I was always told about this growing up so it wasn’t unexpected. I was 26 when I got married and in law school so paying for my own wedding would not have been an option.

Objection!

Paying for your own wedding is always an option. Perhaps you would have just had to spend a lot less money on it...

Or gotten married a year or two later than you did. Yes, you could have paid for your wedding.

+1

Or gone to City Hall and out to lunch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If they are not on solid financial footing then why in the world would they spend a lot on a wedding? If I were you, I would offer a set amount of money for them ($5K?). If I were them, I would take that money to help get in better financial shape and have a tiny, budget-friendly wedding or elope.

That sounds like a reasonable contribution and a reasonable plan to me.

I guess I don't see 5k as a reasonable amount for a wedding contribution. Maybe if you paid 100% of college. 20k is more normal if you make about 100k. So maybe if you make less than average 5k might be okay.

LOL, as if you get any say over how other people spend their money?

My parents paid $0 for our wedding - DH and I paid for the entire thing.

We have only sons, not daughters, but regardless, we do not value a big blowout party that lasts several hours on one day. We are getting our kids through private colleges with zero debt, because we value that. We will contribute what we can to our kids' weddings, but will not fund anything extravagant.

I was grateful when my father gave us $1,800 towards our wedding. He'd just survived my mother's financially catastrophic illness and death, so I certainly didn't expect anything. You're just as married if you go to a courthouse as you are if you spend $5k on a wedding or $500k on a wedding. And people wonder why kids around here feel entitled ...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If they are not on solid financial footing then why in the world would they spend a lot on a wedding? If I were you, I would offer a set amount of money for them ($5K?). If I were them, I would take that money to help get in better financial shape and have a tiny, budget-friendly wedding or elope.

That sounds like a reasonable contribution and a reasonable plan to me.

I guess I don't see 5k as a reasonable amount for a wedding contribution. Maybe if you paid 100% of college. 20k is more normal if you make about 100k. So maybe if you make less than average 5k might be okay.

LOL, as if you get any say over how other people spend their money?

My parents paid $0 for our wedding - DH and I paid for the entire thing.

We have only sons, not daughters, but regardless, we do not value a big blowout party that lasts several hours on one day. We are getting our kids through private colleges with zero debt, because we value that. We will contribute what we can to our kids' weddings, but will not fund anything extravagant.

I was grateful when my father gave us $1,800 towards our wedding. He'd just survived my mother's financially catastrophic illness and death, so I certainly didn't expect anything. You're just as married if you go to a courthouse as you are if you spend $5k on a wedding or $500k on a wedding. And people wonder why kids around here feel entitled ...

+1

At the end of the day, a wedding is a party. Nothing more and nothing less. Extravagance is optional.

https://www.countryliving.com/life/a38375/wedding-traditions/

[Anonymous]

My in laws paid for rehearsal dinner only. We didn't know what that meant so we did what we're could afford. I spend days making pulled pork butt and sides. Total cost was $100. That's all my inlaws gave us. Didn't even pay for their plates at my wedding.

Omg disgusting, you spent “days” making food for your rehearsal dinner? Gag.

[Anonymous]

Parents should never pay or contribute more than they are comfortable spending. Set an amount and if the bride and groom want something more it’s up to them to fund it. If they are upset that the parents won’t spend more they can f—- off.

[Anonymous]

We were getting married at my in-laws church and my dad and us could only afford a modest amount so it was going to be a small wedding. My in-laws offered to pay for a larger wedding but I knew my dad would not accept it. So a couple of weeks before the wedding my in-laws threw a very nice picnic in their back yard for their friends who would not be at the wedding. It was a great solution.

[Anonymous]

My parents paid for my entire wedding. We are so thankful for their kindness and willingness to pay for it. They offered to pay for it all. My husband comes from a divorced family, he lived with his mom and step dad 90% of the time as a child. They didn’t offer to pay for a single thing. My parents asked them if they would be willing to split the cost of the photographer and they said no. They didn’t get us a wedding gift either ( not that it matters). But for the rest of the next year we heard they couldn’t afford to travel or do anything because they had to pay for two weddings. (My husbands sister also got married the same year).
It was disrespectful to me and my parents to hear my in laws say they paid for two weddings, when they didn’t lift a finger for our wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents paid for my entire wedding. We are so thankful for their kindness and willingness to pay for it. They offered to pay for it all. My husband comes from a divorced family, he lived with his mom and step dad 90% of the time as a child. They didn’t offer to pay for a single thing. My parents asked them if they would be willing to split the cost of the photographer and they said no. They didn’t get us a wedding gift either ( not that it matters). But for the rest of the next year we heard they couldn’t afford to travel or do anything because they had to pay for two weddings. (My husbands sister also got married the same year).
It was disrespectful to me and my parents to hear my in laws say they paid for two weddings, when they didn’t lift a finger for our wedding.

Ok.

[Anonymous]

It’s so weird to me that people on DCUM are so judgmental about people spending money on fancy weddings. Posters are constantly bragging about their 6k square foot house in Bethesda, $20k European vacation, new Tesla, and kid who’s a lifer at Landon, but for some reason when it comes to weddings, everyone acts like you’re a vapid moron for having an expensive wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s so weird to me that people on DCUM are so judgmental about people spending money on fancy weddings. Posters are constantly bragging about their 6k square foot house in Bethesda, $20k European vacation, new Tesla, and kid who’s a lifer at Landon, but for some reason when it comes to weddings, everyone acts like you’re a vapid moron for having an expensive wedding.

It is literally a big fancy party you throw to celebrate yourself and solicit gifts. You actully might be a vapid moron if you spend 50k just to have people look at you in a white dress.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s so weird to me that people on DCUM are so judgmental about people spending money on fancy weddings. Posters are constantly bragging about their 6k square foot house in Bethesda, $20k European vacation, new Tesla, and kid who’s a lifer at Landon, but for some reason when it comes to weddings, everyone acts like you’re a vapid moron for having an expensive wedding.

I can totally see why some people spend money on fancy weddings. I actually have no problem with that if that is what they want to do - weddings are beautiful, meaningful, memorable occasions. Just don't expect your parent to pay for it unless they agreed that they would.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents paid for my entire wedding. We are so thankful for their kindness and willingness to pay for it. They offered to pay for it all. My husband comes from a divorced family, he lived with his mom and step dad 90% of the time as a child. They didn’t offer to pay for a single thing. My parents asked them if they would be willing to split the cost of the photographer and they said no. They didn’t get us a wedding gift either ( not that it matters). But for the rest of the next year we heard they couldn’t afford to travel or do anything because they had to pay for two weddings. (My husbands sister also got married the same year).
It was disrespectful to me and my parents to hear my in laws say they paid for two weddings, when they didn’t lift a finger for our wedding.

I get where you’re coming from. Dh and I paid for most of our wedding and my in-laws acted like my parents should pay. They gave us $250. I know they paid for my SILs 40k wedding a few years later.

No matter what I will give my son and daughters the same amount.