Do you know people who throw themselves into their jobs to avoid childcare?

[Anonymous]

There was an article about how hiring managers love to hire “insecure overachievers” who will work themselves to the bone working 70-hour weeks only getting paid for 40 hours and I think that personality type is RAMPANT in DC. When my DH was a fed he stayed late/worked unpaid overtime out of a sense of duty, now he’s mid level in big tech with a boss who’s a parent who encourages everyone to take all the parental leave they’re offered/WFH a few days a week/work flex hours when they have family emergencies etc and he feels like his team accomplishes more working normal hours than his dept did in the gov’t. Downtime boosts workplace productivity and I love that my husband is home every day at 4:30 and never misses doing bedtime.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I like how it's "so saaaaaad" when you're describing a mom, but when it's a dad, he's just...a dad.

Yup. Neither DH nor I want to make lunches, pick out clothes for tomorrow, cook dinner, clean the kitchen... I mean, obviously? Who WANTS to do childcare (which is different than hanging out with your kids in a relaxed context)?

Why even have kids then?

Not wanting to make lunch has literally nothing to do with how much I love my kids.

Who said it does? Projecting much?

I do think it is very sad when people want the fun parts of parenting with none of the mundane, the toughness, the boring moments. It's very unfortunate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I like how it's "so saaaaaad" when you're describing a mom, but when it's a dad, he's just...a dad.

Yup. Neither DH nor I want to make lunches, pick out clothes for tomorrow, cook dinner, clean the kitchen... I mean, obviously? Who WANTS to do childcare (which is different than hanging out with your kids in a relaxed context)?

Why even have kids then?

Not wanting to make lunch has literally nothing to do with how much I love my kids.

Who said it does? Projecting much?

I do think it is very sad when people want the fun parts of parenting with none of the mundane, the toughness, the boring moments. It's very unfortunate.

Yep. Life happens during the mundane! Every lunch packed, every diaper changed, every dish washed, every butt wiped, every bowl of cereal poured...it's our actions during those mundane moments that build the framework for a future. When your kids see you being there for them in THOSE moments, they'll know you're they're for them. Just being around for the fun stuff? Nope.

I've realized, over the years, that parenting isn't about taking the vacations and having those life-changing talks with your kids. Of course, that's fun. But the REAL stuff happens in the day to day. I can point to 20 different mundane things in our daily routine but are all part of one big "I love you."

Parents who want to bypass that and hide out in their office instead? Sad.

[Anonymous]

I see a lot of it. My ex husband was this way. Travelled 100% it was ridiculous. Now he’s doing the same to wife #2.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I like how it's "so saaaaaad" when you're describing a mom, but when it's a dad, he's just...a dad.

Yup. Neither DH nor I want to make lunches, pick out clothes for tomorrow, cook dinner, clean the kitchen... I mean, obviously? Who WANTS to do childcare (which is different than hanging out with your kids in a relaxed context)?

Why even have kids then?

Not wanting to make lunch has literally nothing to do with how much I love my kids.

Who said it does? Projecting much?

I do think it is very sad when people want the fun parts of parenting with none of the mundane, the toughness, the boring moments. It's very unfortunate.

Yep. Life happens during the mundane! Every lunch packed, every diaper changed, every dish washed, every butt wiped, every bowl of cereal poured...it's our actions during those mundane moments that build the framework for a future. When your kids see you being there for them in THOSE moments, they'll know you're they're for them. Just being around for the fun stuff? Nope.

I've realized, over the years, that parenting isn't about taking the vacations and having those life-changing talks with your kids. Of course, that's fun. But the REAL stuff happens in the day to day. I can point to 20 different mundane things in our daily routine but are all part of one big "I love you."

Well said. When I talk with my kids about their favorite memories they also bring up stuff that I had no idea was important. Like letting them help cook dinner or the time we ran through the sprinklers. Family vacation to Mexico? No, they barely remember it. They also tell me that things are are troubling them during these quiet moments at home. Being there day in and out matters.

Parents who want to bypass that and hide out in their office instead? Sad.

[Anonymous]

A lot of the people I’ve seen who do this are very type A at work. They need control and you can create this at work especially if you are fairly high up and experienced at your job. On the other hand, kids are unpredictable, messy, etc. especially when they’re very young. Add to that the fact that many of these people have never cared for young kids before.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I like how it's "so saaaaaad" when you're describing a mom, but when it's a dad, he's just...a dad.

Yup. Neither DH nor I want to make lunches, pick out clothes for tomorrow, cook dinner, clean the kitchen... I mean, obviously? Who WANTS to do childcare (which is different than hanging out with your kids in a relaxed context)?

Why even have kids then?

Not wanting to make lunch has literally nothing to do with how much I love my kids.

Who said it does? Projecting much?

I do think it is very sad when people want the fun parts of parenting with none of the mundane, the toughness, the boring moments. It's very unfortunate.

Yep. Life happens during the mundane! Every lunch packed, every diaper changed, every dish washed, every butt wiped, every bowl of cereal poured...it's our actions during those mundane moments that build the framework for a future. When your kids see you being there for them in THOSE moments, they'll know you're they're for them. Just being around for the fun stuff? Nope.

I've realized, over the years, that parenting isn't about taking the vacations and having those life-changing talks with your kids. Of course, that's fun. But the REAL stuff happens in the day to day. I can point to 20 different mundane things in our daily routine but are all part of one big "I love you."

Parents who want to bypass that and hide out in their office instead? Sad.

I think you’re right that a lot happens during those mundane moments. My DH skips out on all of it and shows up to tuck the kids in at bedtime. But he’s always the one planning the trips to Disney and taking everyone for ice cream. At some point it hit me that I’m the only one teaching these kids manners, how to do things for themselves, cleaning up after themselves, being kind to one another, talking about school problems, and on and on. I’m doing all the hard work of parenting. To my DH the kids are a fun hobby.
Sadly, I don’t think kids necessarily grow up to appreciate the work we put in. My husband’s family grew up with a similar dynamic as ours. His parents ultimately got divorced, and two of three kids sided with the fun, rich dad. Mom spends holidays alone, despite all of those changed diapers and packed lunches. The fun parent still woos all of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I like how it's "so saaaaaad" when you're describing a mom, but when it's a dad, he's just...a dad.

Yup. Neither DH nor I want to make lunches, pick out clothes for tomorrow, cook dinner, clean the kitchen... I mean, obviously? Who WANTS to do childcare (which is different than hanging out with your kids in a relaxed context)?

Why even have kids then?

Not wanting to make lunch has literally nothing to do with how much I love my kids.

Who said it does? Projecting much?

I do think it is very sad when people want the fun parts of parenting with none of the mundane, the toughness, the boring moments. It's very unfortunate.

Yep. Life happens during the mundane! Every lunch packed, every diaper changed, every dish washed, every butt wiped, every bowl of cereal poured...it's our actions during those mundane moments that build the framework for a future. When your kids see you being there for them in THOSE moments, they'll know you're they're for them. Just being around for the fun stuff? Nope.

I've realized, over the years, that parenting isn't about taking the vacations and having those life-changing talks with your kids. Of course, that's fun. But the REAL stuff happens in the day to day. I can point to 20 different mundane things in our daily routine but are all part of one big "I love you."

Parents who want to bypass that and hide out in their office instead? Sad.

I think you’re right that a lot happens during those mundane moments. My DH skips out on all of it and shows up to tuck the kids in at bedtime. But he’s always the one planning the trips to Disney and taking everyone for ice cream. At some point it hit me that I’m the only one teaching these kids manners, how to do things for themselves, cleaning up after themselves, being kind to one another, talking about school problems, and on and on. I’m doing all the hard work of parenting. To my DH the kids are a fun hobby.
Sadly, I don’t think kids necessarily grow up to appreciate the work we put in. My husband’s family grew up with a similar dynamic as ours. His parents ultimately got divorced, and two of three kids sided with the fun, rich dad. Mom spends holidays alone, despite all of those changed diapers and packed lunches. The fun parent still woos all of them.

I think this exemplifies a lot of people here.