Do you know people who throw themselves into their jobs to avoid childcare?

[Anonymous]

Of course. They delude themselves into thinking they are indispensable at work.

Spoiler alert: no one is indispensable to their employer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I notice this more and more among my friends. Are others seeing this? I have some friends that absolutely throw themselves into their work, work a lot of overtime, travel a lot for work, etc., even when it is not necessary (won't help get a promotion, no billable hours, etc). I know the crazy work life is not necessary because I work in the same field. I'm wondering why they do this, and it occurred to me that it may be a way to escape the daily grudge work of parenting, running a household, etc. I see this more in the DC area than where I'm originally from (out west). I don't notice it nearly as much in my hometown. Is it a DC thing?

I did to avoid my horrible then-DH. Can’t be abused if you’re not home. Only thing he liked better than hurting me was getting my paycheck. I realized a few years ago that my mom did the same thing. Working until 7 PM, then cleaning the house from 10 PM to 1 AM to avoid my dad. Minimal meaningful interaction with us.

[Anonymous]

Yes my sister's kids were raised by nannies. She is a pediatrician but was not good with parenting. She also took jobs that kept her at work during holidays to avoid her inlaws and kids. Work is a great place to hide from your life.

[Anonymous]

Not really, but I know plenty of people who spend their time judging other parents and writing about them on DCUM versus spending time with their kids, working on their household, or working outside of the house to earn money for their families.

[Anonymous]

OP here - Yeah, I'm going to judge when someone's avoidance activities cause me to have to do more tedious work in the office as well and miss my time with family, which I value. Yes, I'm going to judge and complain when that happens (and I've complained directly to these said people as well). My post was to see if this was prevalent, or only my experience.

[Anonymous]

SAHMs, parents, I've known several who fill up their time volunteering at school, PTA, meetings. Looks like they are involved parents. They are ignoring family life. They are tuning-out what really needs to be worked on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was working in my office one weekend and ran into a woman who had just had twins two weeks prior who was "working". Parenthood can be scary, and not everyone has experience with kids. So if you have a good nanny....

Why do you assume she was faking it? I went into labor over a week early, and my son was in NICU for a week so I went into the office one day to wrap up some important business. I've also come into the office to use the hospital-grade breastpump some days. Maybe she came in on a weekend because she had help at home and was able to come in for a few hours?

There is something so odd to me about going into work to use the office breast pump. I have never heard of an office providing such a thing for their employees. Break rooms where you can pump mil in private - yes. But the actual pump? Never heard of that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was working in my office one weekend and ran into a woman who had just had twins two weeks prior who was "working". Parenthood can be scary, and not everyone has experience with kids. So if you have a good nanny....

Why do you assume she was faking it? I went into labor over a week early, and my son was in NICU for a week so I went into the office one day to wrap up some important business. I've also come into the office to use the hospital-grade breastpump some days. Maybe she came in on a weekend because she had help at home and was able to come in for a few hours?

There is something so odd to me about going into work to use the office breast pump. I have never heard of an office providing such a thing for their employees. Break rooms where you can pump mil in private - yes. But the actual pump? Never heard of that.

It's not uncommon, actually, for a company to provide breast pumps that stay in the pumping room and people take turns using.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Military wife and I know guys who used to volunteer for extra deployments when their houses were full of toddlers. Apparently six months in Bosnia beat changing diapers. There was one guy in particular who never told his wife that he was volunteering for this stuff. The rest of us felt really conflicted because we really wanted to tell her. No idea if she ever found out.

+1

Bingo. I know a guy who missed all of his children's births - would rather be anywhere but at home with his wife. Including Bosnia (or at the time, Vietnam). No way on earth did she figure it out, sadly - but I do know she harbors a ton of bitterness about it, decades later. A ton.

[Anonymous]

I know a number of people who seem to strive to spend as little awake time as possible with their children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was working in my office one weekend and ran into a woman who had just had twins two weeks prior who was "working". Parenthood can be scary, and not everyone has experience with kids. So if you have a good nanny....

Why do you assume she was faking it? I went into labor over a week early, and my son was in NICU for a week so I went into the office one day to wrap up some important business. I've also come into the office to use the hospital-grade breastpump some days. Maybe she came in on a weekend because she had help at home and was able to come in for a few hours?

She.had.twins. She had maternity leave. She had backup. She may have felt some internal pressure to come in and finish a few things, but it was of her own making.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was working in my office one weekend and ran into a woman who had just had twins two weeks prior who was "working". Parenthood can be scary, and not everyone has experience with kids. So if you have a good nanny....

Why do you assume she was faking it? I went into labor over a week early, and my son was in NICU for a week so I went into the office one day to wrap up some important business. I've also come into the office to use the hospital-grade breastpump some days. Maybe she came in on a weekend because she had help at home and was able to come in for a few hours?

There is something so odd to me about going into work to use the office breast pump. I have never heard of an office providing such a thing for their employees. Break rooms where you can pump mil in private - yes. But the actual pump? Never heard of that.

It's not uncommon, actually, for a company to provide breast pumps that stay in the pumping room and people take turns using.

+1 It’s provided as a benefit so that women don’t have to lug their pumps day in and day out. It’s actually a pretty cheap benefit that provides great value.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I have a son with mental illness. Work is my sane place. This thread is making me feel like even NT kids can be pretty tough too. Thank you!

+1

Friends with SN kids do this, their choice. It is the moms who send their kids to school sick (coughing, sneezing, vomiting) that I have a problem with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Military wife and I know guys who used to volunteer for extra deployments when their houses were full of toddlers. Apparently six months in Bosnia beat changing diapers. There was one guy in particular who never told his wife that he was volunteering for this stuff. The rest of us felt really conflicted because we really wanted to tell her. No idea if she ever found out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - Yeah, I'm going to judge when someone's avoidance activities cause me to have to do more tedious work in the office as well and miss my time with family, which I value. Yes, I'm going to judge and complain when that happens (and I've complained directly to these said people as well). My post was to see if this was prevalent, or only my experience.

Then say no to the extra work or the extra time it takes. Do your work within the hours that your manager expects you to work. And if they are part of the problem then it’s time to look for a new job.

However, your posts make it clear that you just want to judge people for not being the parent you think they should be.