Do you know people who throw themselves into their jobs to avoid childcare?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I will admit that I am really surprised that people are mostly mentioning moms on this thread.

You're surprised that misogyny is alive and well on DCUM?

That's because people are only even registering this dynamic when it is a mom, because when it's a dad, it's just a dad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a biglaw mom and I admit it. I don’t like the drudgery of parenting. I try to see my kids every night but I also don’t come home earlier even when I could because I just don’t want to deal.

Same. And I have no problems going out to drinks or dinner with people, which surprises them at first because they assume I'll have no interest in doing that because I'm trying to run home to my 4 and 7 year olds. At first they ask the -- oh do the kids have sleepovers; are they off visiting their grandparent -- questions. And then after the 2nd-3rd time going out, they realize the kids may be home but it has no effect on my plans.

Gosh this is sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I like how it's "so saaaaaad" when you're describing a mom, but when it's a dad, he's just...a dad.

Yup. Neither DH nor I want to make lunches, pick out clothes for tomorrow, cook dinner, clean the kitchen... I mean, obviously? Who WANTS to do childcare (which is different than hanging out with your kids in a relaxed context)?

[Anonymous]

Lots of people have kids just because, not because they actually like them or want to spend time with them. Many also come to love the kids after they have them, but many don't change their minds, they just outsource childcare and spend minimal time with the kids.

When you think about all the f'ed up people in the world today it makes sense. It used to be just dads that were allowed to avoid kids, now moms can get away with it too. There are consequences.

[Anonymous]

I don’t like kids, so I can totally see why someone that made the mistake of having them would do this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was working in my office one weekend and ran into a woman who had just had twins two weeks prior who was "working". Parenthood can be scary, and not everyone has experience with kids. So if you have a good nanny....

Why do you assume she was faking it? I went into labor over a week early, and my son was in NICU for a week so I went into the office one day to wrap up some important business. I've also come into the office to use the hospital-grade breastpump some days. Maybe she came in on a weekend because she had help at home and was able to come in for a few hours?

There is something so odd to me about going into work to use the office breast pump. I have never heard of an office providing such a thing for their employees. Break rooms where you can pump mil in private - yes. But the actual pump? Never heard of that.

It's not uncommon, actually, for a company to provide breast pumps that stay in the pumping room and people take turns using.

+1 It’s provided as a benefit so that women don’t have to lug their pumps day in and day out. It’s actually a pretty cheap benefit that provides great value.

My work provides hospital grade pumps. We rent the pumps and it's a pretty good benefit for both the moms and the company because not only do women not have to lug their pumps back and forth, the hospital grade pumps are more efficient than the insurance-provided ones.

[Anonymous]

Yes? Isn't this a tale as old as time? I feel bad for the moms/dads who CAN'T avoid child things -- the 9-5 gov't job types in roles where there are no business trips ever. Can't exactly take on an extra call shift or more billable hours; can't duck out for 3 days for a conference or hearing you "must" attend. I can't imagine how they survive the first 10 years.

[Anonymous]

There was a thread here a while back about a mom who invents business trips 3-4 times/year to get away from her kids. It wasn't even adding a day to a trip, it was legit making up a trip, paying for it personally, and then going and chilling someplace for a week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There was a thread here a while back about a mom who invents business trips 3-4 times/year to get away from her kids. It wasn't even adding a day to a trip, it was legit making up a trip, paying for it personally, and then going and chilling someplace for a week.

Ha. I kind of feel like anyone who feels the need to do this probably deserves it.

[Anonymous]

This is a bizarre thread. Mainly because I work my a** off to put food on the table and keep a roof over the kids heads. In fact I am making a career pivot so I can make more money to support my kids and hopefully see them. My dh is a default parent because he already makes good money and has more job flexibility. It is miserable because I would rather go home than be at work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will admit that I am really surprised that people are mostly mentioning moms on this thread.

You're surprised that misogyny is alive and well on DCUM?

That's because people are only even registering this dynamic when it is a mom, because when it's a dad, it's just a dad.

Ahh...that makes sense. For some reason I was reading this as mostly women who do this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There was a thread here a while back about a mom who invents business trips 3-4 times/year to get away from her kids. It wasn't even adding a day to a trip, it was legit making up a trip, paying for it personally, and then going and chilling someplace for a week.

Ha. I kind of feel like anyone who feels the need to do this probably deserves it.

That woman is my hero.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I, and I think a lot of folks here, know the difference between working late to catch up on something, vs working to avoid being home. I've had to work many evenings and on travel to get things done. I work most evenings, to some degree. I guess I get frustrated when I know for a fact some folks are manufacturing work for some reason, and I'm guessing it's to avoid being home. I try very hard to balance work and home life, and I really like my home life. I don't want to miss anything unless I have to. I get frustrated when people I work with create work issues that I then have to deal with, that are unnecessary. I'm trying to figure out why they do this. Also, I have a couple friends where one spouse always seems to have something going on and the other picks up the childcare/household slack a lot. I feel bad for the spouse that does the bulk of the work. Not my business, I know, but I still feel bad for them.

You need to let all of this go. Stop assigning motivations to what people do, you're only going to drive yourself crazy. You say you have more work to do because other people are making up work, but I'm not sure you can know that for sure. And if it's just busy work, then don't do it. If you're talking about feeling like you have to respond to an email at 11 pm, then that's on you. Also, stop feeling bad for other people unless they ask for your sympathy. Honestly, it just makes you sound like you have fake pity for people who do things differently than you, which isn't a good look.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - Yeah, I'm going to judge when someone's avoidance activities cause me to have to do more tedious work in the office as well and miss my time with family, which I value. Yes, I'm going to judge and complain when that happens (and I've complained directly to these said people as well). My post was to see if this was prevalent, or only my experience.

Then say no to the extra work or the extra time it takes. Do your work within the hours that your manager expects you to work. And if they are part of the problem then it’s time to look for a new job.

However, your posts make it clear that you just want to judge people for not being the parent you think they should be.

+1

OP, you're incredibly transparent, it's kind of funny that you can't even see that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had twins. I relished every moment I had at work when they were babies. I also used to dream of going to prison so I could be alone with a book in a room. It was NOT an easy time.

Anyhow, maybe you should ask them before assuming anything? Perhaps they are trying to get their husbands to step up by being at work, perhaps the work is actually needed, or perhaps they are spending time managing bills and other household tasks from the peace and quiet of the office...

Wow. No mother of the year award for you, that's for sure.