Do you know people who throw themselves into their jobs to avoid childcare?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:SAHMs, parents, I've known several who fill up their time volunteering at school, PTA, meetings. Looks like they are involved parents. They are ignoring family life. They are tuning-out what really needs to be worked on.

You sound insecure in your own choices

[Anonymous]

This thread is literally hurting my heart. It certainly explains why we have so many troubled, mentally ill kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes? Isn't this a tale as old as time? I feel bad for the moms/dads who CAN'T avoid child things -- the 9-5 gov't job types in roles where there are no business trips ever. Can't exactly take on an extra call shift or more billable hours; can't duck out for 3 days for a conference or hearing you "must" attend. I can't imagine how they survive the first 10 years.

Don’t feel bad for us! I actually opted into a government attorney job instead of firm life because I *want* to be home for dinner with my family. I want to be able to take off and care for my kids when they’re sick. I want to be able to make the parent-teacher conferences, field trips, etc. I LOVE that my job allows me to make a 6 figure salary with great benefits and I get to be the mom I want to be.

DH is private sector, but is similarly at a firm that values family with unlimited sick leave, paid parental leave, flexibility/telework. He does occasionally have to travel or attend a conference, but 95% of the time he’s home by 6 for dinner and bedtime routine with the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes? Isn't this a tale as old as time? I feel bad for the moms/dads who CAN'T avoid child things -- the 9-5 gov't job types in roles where there are no business trips ever. Can't exactly take on an extra call shift or more billable hours; can't duck out for 3 days for a conference or hearing you "must" attend. I can't imagine how they survive the first 10 years.

Don’t feel bad for us! I actually opted into a government attorney job instead of firm life because I *want* to be home for dinner with my family. I want to be able to take off and care for my kids when they’re sick. I want to be able to make the parent-teacher conferences, field trips, etc. I LOVE that my job allows me to make a 6 figure salary with great benefits and I get to be the mom I want to be.

DH is private sector, but is similarly at a firm that values family with unlimited sick leave, paid parental leave, flexibility/telework. He does occasionally have to travel or attend a conference, but 95% of the time he’s home by 6 for dinner and bedtime routine with the kids.

Same.

I wonder if people like the first PP are the ones who claim the teen years are SO much harder than young kids, after they've outsourced virtually every aspect of parenting up to that point. Strange.

[Anonymous]

You do not know what is normal or expected here if you are not here. The work culture is not the same in DC vs all other areas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is literally hurting my heart. It certainly explains why we have so many troubled, mentally ill kids.

You think absentee parents... cause mental illness?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is literally hurting my heart. It certainly explains why we have so many troubled, mentally ill kids.

You think absentee parents... cause mental illness?

Is this a serious question?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I like how it's "so saaaaaad" when you're describing a mom, but when it's a dad, he's just...a dad.

Yup. Neither DH nor I want to make lunches, pick out clothes for tomorrow, cook dinner, clean the kitchen... I mean, obviously? Who WANTS to do childcare (which is different than hanging out with your kids in a relaxed context)?

Why even have kids then?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I notice this more and more among my friends. Are others seeing this? I have some friends that absolutely throw themselves into their work, work a lot of overtime, travel a lot for work, etc., even when it is not necessary (won't help get a promotion, no billable hours, etc). I know the crazy work life is not necessary because I work in the same field. I'm wondering why they do this, and it occurred to me that it may be a way to escape the daily grudge work of parenting, running a household, etc. I see this more in the DC area than where I'm originally from (out west). I don't notice it nearly as much in my hometown. Is it a DC thing?

You are absolutely correct. You know what they say...
“Childcare (parenting) is the hardest job there is.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is literally hurting my heart. It certainly explains why we have so many troubled, mentally ill kids.

You think absentee parents... cause mental illness?

Absolutely

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So many lawyers in my biglaw firm waste so much time, mostly to avoid being at home.

+1. This is a big reason I want DH to leave biglaw. He wastes so much time and then at 4pm is like oh crap! I haven't billed much today. He is moving in house with pre-determined hours and I cannot wait.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I like how it's "so saaaaaad" when you're describing a mom, but when it's a dad, he's just...a dad.

Yup. Neither DH nor I want to make lunches, pick out clothes for tomorrow, cook dinner, clean the kitchen... I mean, obviously? Who WANTS to do childcare (which is different than hanging out with your kids in a relaxed context)?

Why even have kids then?

Not wanting to make lunch has literally nothing to do with how much I love my kids.

[Anonymous]

NP here and I have always loved making lunches for my DC and things are easier now in elementary. I try my best to be there for after school sports etc but he was quite a handful as baby/toddler and I never left work early even when I got done sooner. I didn't manufacture business trip days though but I stopped with just one kid so who knows if I had more I can certainly see the reasoning!

[Anonymous]

Um, no, everyone runs out of my office by 430 to get to their kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I like how it's "so saaaaaad" when you're describing a mom, but when it's a dad, he's just...a dad.

Yup. Neither DH nor I want to make lunches, pick out clothes for tomorrow, cook dinner, clean the kitchen... I mean, obviously? Who WANTS to do childcare (which is different than hanging out with your kids in a relaxed context)?

Why even have kids then?

Not wanting to make lunch has literally nothing to do with how much I love my kids.

This reminds me of whomever said,
“Love is an action word, not just a feeling.”