How hard to find a 1/2 time boyfriend in early 40s?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whether you will be able to date again should not factor into your decision to divorce.

The fact that you seem to be unable to be alone suggests you have some issues that need to be addressed.

Fix yourself, then determine if the marriage is saveable.

OP here: I am fine being single forever—as I mentioned. I am not looking to “date”—that is a straight-up boyfriend. That is not what I am looking for. I want a monogamous casual thing a few times a month...pretty much sex only or hanging out at home. I am not interested in going on dates. My concern is that men will want more. I don’t. I have hated being married and it should not have happened. Not salvageable. You did not understand my post.

This is my situation currently. Been in a monogamous relationship with a great guy for almost a year. We’re both busy with work and kids and life and hobbies we we get together maybe once or twice a week to hang out and have sex. It’s a step up from a FWB but a step down from an actual boyfriend. It’s the perfect situation. We do talk and communicate daily and I care about him deeply but we just hang out and have fun. No deep feelings on either side. Regular sex with a great guy as the schedules permit is the perfect situation. I’m 45 and I met him on Bumble.

You just contradicted yourself here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whether you will be able to date again should not factor into your decision to divorce.

The fact that you seem to be unable to be alone suggests you have some issues that need to be addressed.

Fix yourself, then determine if the marriage is saveable.

OP here: I am fine being single forever—as I mentioned. I am not looking to “date”—that is a straight-up boyfriend. That is not what I am looking for. I want a monogamous casual thing a few times a month...pretty much sex only or hanging out at home. I am not interested in going on dates. My concern is that men will want more. I don’t. I have hated being married and it should not have happened. Not salvageable. You did not understand my post.

This is my situation currently. Been in a monogamous relationship with a great guy for almost a year. We’re both busy with work and kids and life and hobbies we we get together maybe once or twice a week to hang out and have sex. It’s a step up from a FWB but a step down from an actual boyfriend. It’s the perfect situation. We do talk and communicate daily and I care about him deeply but we just hang out and have fun. No deep feelings on either side. Regular sex with a great guy as the schedules permit is the perfect situation. I’m 45 and I met him on Bumble.

You just contradicted yourself here.

You don’t understand how you can care deeply for someone but not have intense feelings?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whether you will be able to date again should not factor into your decision to divorce.

The fact that you seem to be unable to be alone suggests you have some issues that need to be addressed.

Fix yourself, then determine if the marriage is saveable.

OP here: I am fine being single forever—as I mentioned. I am not looking to “date”—that is a straight-up boyfriend. That is not what I am looking for. I want a monogamous casual thing a few times a month...pretty much sex only or hanging out at home. I am not interested in going on dates. My concern is that men will want more. I don’t. I have hated being married and it should not have happened. Not salvageable. You did not understand my post.

This is my situation currently. Been in a monogamous relationship with a great guy for almost a year. We’re both busy with work and kids and life and hobbies we we get together maybe once or twice a week to hang out and have sex. It’s a step up from a FWB but a step down from an actual boyfriend. It’s the perfect situation. We do talk and communicate daily and I care about him deeply but we just hang out and have fun. No deep feelings on either side. Regular sex with a great guy as the schedules permit is the perfect situation. I’m 45 and I met him on Bumble.

You just contradicted yourself here.

You don’t understand how you can care deeply for someone but not have intense feelings?

I know, right?

I still care deeply for my tenth grade teacher, who supported me as my father was dying. I do not, however, have intense feelings for her.

[Anonymous]

Look no further. I'm available.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can I just say one thing to you, OP?

You effing rock.

This is what putting your kids first in divorce looks like.

Signed,

Child of divorced parents who both remarried and made new families. It just gets really really old. It’s not the divorce that’s the problem, it’s the dynamics of the new families and how complicated they become.

It’s totally understandable to want sex, companionship, and love again. I don’t see why everyone feels to need to involve their children in all that. Focus on your kids. When your kids aren’t around, do whatever the heck you want!

Yeah, except she hasn't actually put her idea into action yet, and who knows if she'll stick to her guns once she meets some guy she is excited about and dates for a few months. Plenty of DCUM threads about women catching feelz after being some guy's FB.

OP here--there is no freaking way I am involving my kids. Not happening. I was over being in love before I met my spouse. I am not catching the love thing...that is so over. It obviously did not work with my spouse (the love thing), married anyway, which was stupid. It is 100% not happening that I would confuse my kids by having them meet some other guy. No way. I will have compartmentalized separate lives (mom me and not-with-kids me). That's it. I am 100% confident of this.

Do you seriously think you are the first person who ever said that... with total 100% confidence... and then later changed her mind?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I say that I’m not interested in marriage, but am ideally looking for long term exclusive.

I am curious both why you want it, and why you think a man should agree to it. If you don't want to live with him, commingle finances, or have him meet your kids, why do you care who else he sleeps with? And how would you even know if he did?

There are men who don’t want to be with every option of vagina that is available to them, you know. The idea of two people who decide to have sex exclusively without all other strings (fully integrated lives) isn’t rare for a lot of emotionally mature people. They both just need to be honest with each other and make sure they are on the same page. Every man/woman isn’t struggling with whore tendencies to screw everything that passes. Two people can make whatever kind of relationship they want.

OP is wounded from her past. She isn’t ready for all that. She’s being honest about where she is.

I do think a FWB is the better alternative for her. Though that isn’t exclusive. But I get the sense that with everything else OP is saying, she might flex a little over time with the expectation of a man (or herself) exclusively cutting all others out for the Little she wants to give.

One thing people who’ve been married understand before is compromise.

None of this answers the bolded questions. Why should she care if he's not committed exclusively to her? And why should he agree to be exclusive with her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am wondering how difficult it would be to find a half-time boyfriend...or do people not do that? I am early 40s, planning a divorce, and have kids. I do not want to remarry. What I would like is a man to spend time with when I am not with my kids. I do not want to get married again and I do not want to mix a boyfriend with my kids. Maybe I will feel different about that in 10-15 years. I feel that maybe I would find a divorced man with kids who felt the same way (wanting to spend time with a woman but not involve kids). Is this possible or unrealistic? Yes, I am attractive and in the DC area.

I’d definitely be interested!

[Anonymous]

I'm an older divorced female. I have a FWB and he is TEN years younger and fantastic in bed. We always use condoms. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I say that I’m not interested in marriage, but am ideally looking for long term exclusive.

I am curious both why you want it, and why you think a man should agree to it. If you don't want to live with him, commingle finances, or have him meet your kids, why do you care who else he sleeps with? And how would you even know if he did?

There are men who don’t want to be with every option of vagina that is available to them, you know. The idea of two people who decide to have sex exclusively without all other strings (fully integrated lives) isn’t rare for a lot of emotionally mature people. They both just need to be honest with each other and make sure they are on the same page. Every man/woman isn’t struggling with whore tendencies to screw everything that passes. Two people can make whatever kind of relationship they want.

OP is wounded from her past. She isn’t ready for all that. She’s being honest about where she is.

I do think a FWB is the better alternative for her. Though that isn’t exclusive. But I get the sense that with everything else OP is saying, she might flex a little over time with the expectation of a man (or herself) exclusively cutting all others out for the Little she wants to give.

One thing people who’ve been married understand before is compromise.

None of this answers the bolded questions. Why should she care if he's not committed exclusively to her? And why should he agree to be exclusive with her?

She and he might care about decreased infection risk. Some things are easy to treat, some are not. Condoms aren't perfect, even though they help a lot.

[Anonymous]

hahahahaahahah

[Anonymous]

If the woman is fit and reasonably attractive she’ll have no problems finding this type of arrangement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If the woman is fit and reasonably attractive she’ll have no problems finding this type of arrangement.

The FB part yes, but not the "exclusive to her" part.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm an older divorced female. I have a FWB and he is TEN years younger and fantastic in bed. We always use condoms. Good luck!

If his position ever opens up, let me know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whether you will be able to date again should not factor into your decision to divorce.

The fact that you seem to be unable to be alone suggests you have some issues that need to be addressed.

Fix yourself, then determine if the marriage is saveable.

OP here: I am fine being single forever—as I mentioned. I am not looking to “date”—that is a straight-up boyfriend. That is not what I am looking for. I want a monogamous casual thing a few times a month...pretty much sex only or hanging out at home. I am not interested in going on dates. My concern is that men will want more. I don’t. I have hated being married and it should not have happened. Not salvageable. You did not understand my post.

Monogamous is unrealistic

+1

You can definitely find what you are looking for, a friend with benefits situation, but expecting monogomy is unrealistic

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm an older divorced female. I have a FWB and he is TEN years younger and fantastic in bed. We always use condoms. Good luck!

This. If you’re reasonably attractive you can have your pick of FWB’s. Just focusing on that one purpose allows you to zero in on guys who you really find hot/attractive. I’ve had the same FWB for about 5 months. I met him on one of the dating apps. He’s a fireman and has a schedule where he’ll be on duty for 3-4 days in a row and then off entirely. It lines up pretty well for when I don’t have the kid. We’re both in agreement that we’re not interested in anything more than fun. Honestly, I’m having sex of my life. He’s really hot and very “gifted”.