My children (adopted) said that we weren't a real family

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Such comments are often made by "unwoke" kids AND adults. You have to give your kids more positive language and attitudes about their history, so that they are prepared to respond.

WISE Up is a program that does this.

https://adoptionsupport.org/education-resources/for-professionals/c-s-e-publications/w-i-s-e-

Unwoke kids? Oh brother.

[Anonymous]

Obviously, he has a legitimate problem and I would not sluff it off as kids just talking. Maybe you , or a other relative, is doing something that makes him feel this way.

[Anonymous]

Are there really people in the world who are anti adoption? I can't imagine.

[Anonymous]

I remember once as an adoptee trotting out the "You're not even my real mom" when I wanted to hurt my adoptive.

But I always felt and still feel that she is my true mom.

I did just find out the identities of my birth parents through Ancestry DNA. And I have to admit that having that history now, and seeing the incredible family resemblance in photos, is important to me. I did supress my desire to find my birth family when my adopted parents were alive. I also now have a host of new siblings and cousins to connect with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are there really people in the world who are anti adoption? I can't imagine.

There are indeed.

[Anonymous]

I think its good to allow them to express their feelings about this (which you obviously did). I think this comes up at one time or another (or perpetually) in lots of adopted families. I have an adopted child who once told a friend (in my presence) that she didn't have to listen to me because I'm not her real mom. I didn't react to her comment then, but we did discuss it later. The fact is though, these kids do have another mom. We need to allow them the space to explore their feelings about that. We will never know what it feels like to be in their shoes (unless parent is also adopted). I'm glad they feel they can talk to you. Just keep the lines of communication open and try not to feel hurt (easier said than done I know).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I remember once as an adoptee trotting out the "You're not even my real mom" when I wanted to hurt my adoptive.

But I always felt and still feel that she is my true mom.

I did just find out the identities of my birth parents through Ancestry DNA. And I have to admit that having that history now, and seeing the incredible family resemblance in photos, is important to me. I did supress my desire to find my birth family when my adopted parents were alive. I also now have a host of new siblings and cousins to connect with.


Do not contact because you do not know the circumstances of your adoption. Chances are excellent that your birth mother never told her husband or other children. You could be the result of rape. Leave them alone. I put a child up for adoption who was the result of rape and I did tell my husband but nobody else. I have no desire to ever see child result of rape.

[Anonymous]

Adopted kid here. I had a kid tell me when I was in elementary school that I wasn't wanted by my real mom. I said back - Who cares what my birth mom wanted. My real mom wanted me more and worked a lot harder to get me than your mom did to get you. Your mom didn't choose you, she had to take what she got.

My mom has always told me that I was a chosen one. I was picked, a gift. I felt special - and I got super lucky too because I had the best mom in the world. I am so glad I was adopted....

You chose your kids out of all the kids in the world. They should feel special for that.

[Anonymous]

Adopted kid here. I had a kid tell me when I was in elementary school that I wasn't wanted by my real mom. I said back - Who cares what my birth mom wanted. My real mom wanted me more and worked a lot harder to get me than your mom did to get you. Your mom didn't choose you, she had to take what she got. [i]

My mom has always told me that I was a chosen one. I was picked, a gift. I felt special - and I got super lucky too because I had the best mom in the world. I am so glad I was adopted....

You chose your kids out of all the kids in the world. They should feel special for that.

Adoptive mom here. I am cracking up. I admit to thinking the exact same thing about a kid who was picking on my child and had to bite my tongue lest I said, "I crossed an ocean to get you. Poor Larlo's mom just got STUCK with him." I did not think, ultimately, that was an adult thing to say so I refrained but am glad you voiced it.