Punishment: No Christmas?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
A time management and lack of focus on schoolwork problem can be symptoms of ADHD.
Do you want to punish your child for having a disorder that she can't help?

Why don't you do the right thing and get her evaluated but a reputable psychologist. Tell her it's non-negotiable considering her low grades and tardiness.

Don't nix Christmas - she'll justifiably hate you forever.

All of a sudden after all these years of doing well in school she’s choosing to socialize rather than be on time for a class. That’s not adhd and it’s not all that unusual. Maybe something’s going on in her life, maybe she’s burnt out. I hope you can find out but no Christmas is a bad idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do people respond to years-old posts, especially on timely issues like this? This girl is probably well into college by now, if not done.

Although I would be curious to hear from OP what the ultimate outcome was.

I never look at dates and had no idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That won't solve the issue and it will just strain your relationship. I agree that it's likely an executive functioning issue; try to help her instead of punishing her.

+1 this is parenting 101. The punishment should match the crime. In this case, the true crime is that she’s made it this far without getting any support for executive functioning. This is not her fault. I can’t imagine taking away Christmas from my child/teen, for any reason at all much less for the issues you describe.

Oh FFS, getting up and leaving class for extended times is vaping in the bathroom or meeting up with a guy, etc

Her behavior, truthfully, sounds like many kids in our school that are using.

[Anonymous]

No Greta her ADHD.

[Anonymous]

I would never ever take away Christmas. For us, it’s a religious holiday and about unconditional love. The message of taking away gifts as a consequence combined with Christ’s birthday party simply wouldn’t work for us.

[Anonymous]

In the last five years this kid has surely graduated from high school.

In my opinion punishment is always the wrong strategy. I watched my parents try to punish my brother into submission and it just resulted in a power struggle and ruined their relationship. If the motivation isn’t internal it’s not going to work. Teenagers are still maturing and coming down on them like a ton of bricks for small things seems so sad to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like taking things away isn’t working.

I’d try something else. Maybe do something like a reward chart (childish I know, but it’s worth a shot)

For everyday or week you don’t get an email $1-$5 goes into a jar. After a certain amount of time she has access to the jar to either spend or save it. The dollar amount can vary depending on your finances.

I wouldn’t go all out for Christmas but I also wouldn’t take it away, it will ruin your time, too

Plus 100

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A family member and his parents went through this; they said he was just unmotivated. He barely graduated from high school and joined the army, where they were able to determine he has learning problems. After serving his enlistment, he's gotten more support from the VA than he's ever gotten from his parents, who are UMC and still in denial.

If he had been evaluated, tested, and the problem figured out ... he would be doing so much better now.

She is the child and you are the parent OP. Get her help and figure out what the problem is, instead of punishing her. If she doesn't know how to fix what's wrong, punishment will do no good.

Same thing happened with my nephew. Turns out he wasn't unmotivated, he had learning problems and severe anxiety. The Army and VA has helped him much more than his UMC parent.

[Anonymous]

I am in a similar situation. I decided to issue a December Gift Challenge on 12-1-23; Kid has been purposely not turning in assignments, late to class, not showing up prepared for class, several lunch detentions. I put her in math interventions that she attends during lunch, and enrolled her in an online math academy. We have mother daughter talks frequently about feelings and write in our journals. She has been caught throwing a test away in the garbage bc she was disappointed about the grade. I had promised her a trip to a new restaurant she really wanted to go to I brought her the menu and put it on her wall for encouragement. She threw away the parent teacher notice that was in the notebook and I missed it, that was my bad.

Despite my hardest efforts, she continued to bring notes home, she is failing every class this year she is flat out not trying.

This year she is getting no electronics, no dolls. I bought her an LED alarm clock and a word game. She can earn other gifts for good behavior and performance. I didn't cancel xmas but I reduced the amt of gifts, as I set the expectations and she still did not follow through.

All I see are weak ppl blaming OP for trying to gain a handle on the childs behavior. Some of you really don't know how hard this is, the joy of xmas what about the joy of learning being responsible taking care of your things and doing your best academically what about that joy? Weak comments. OP is right to use xmas as leverage, gifts are not a given no wonder we have so many entitled ppl in our society.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do people respond to years-old posts, especially on timely issues like this? This girl is probably well into college by now, if not done.

Although I would be curious to hear from OP what the ultimate outcome was.

Because it's a relevant issue for many parents regardless of the date it was posted. Here I am, a single mom, who is right now facing this dilemma and I am grateful to have found this online and wanted to give my input. It's 2023, and look this applies to me. It gives me some insight. I've read every page and I am appalled at the lack of support for the OP the MOM who is obviously at her wits end frustrated and disappointed and all I read was guilt tripping, blame, and gaslighting. Weak talking points ohhh you're gonna scar her for life... WEAK. Life has consequences. Don't you think that a mom has tried and tried before she gets to the point of cancelling xmas? Bc I know I have. I am emotionally drained and tired. Nobody thinks about the mother who is doing the work of trying to motivate the kid and get them on the right track. It is absolutely overwhelming. Really disappointed at the level of blaming, and lack of support for OP in the responses. I am writing this ON Christmas Day 2023. I really think that's kinda cool

This post applied to Me, NOW. TODAY. Do you get what I'm saying?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do people respond to years-old posts, especially on timely issues like this? This girl is probably well into college by now, if not done.

Although I would be curious to hear from OP what the ultimate outcome was.

Because it's a relevant issue for many parents regardless of the date it was posted. Here I am, a single mom, who is right now facing this dilemma and I am grateful to have found this online and wanted to give my input. It's 2023, and look this applies to me. It gives me some insight. I've read every page and I am appalled at the lack of support for the OP the MOM who is obviously at her wits end frustrated and disappointed and all I read was guilt tripping, blame, and gaslighting. Weak talking points ohhh you're gonna scar her for life... WEAK. Life has consequences. Don't you think that a mom has tried and tried before she gets to the point of cancelling xmas? Bc I know I have. I am emotionally drained and tired. Nobody thinks about the mother who is doing the work of trying to motivate the kid and get them on the right track. It is absolutely overwhelming. Really disappointed at the level of blaming, and lack of support for OP in the responses. I am writing this ON Christmas Day 2023. I really think that's kinda cool

This post applied to Me, NOW. TODAY. Do you get what I'm saying?

Yes, Troll. Carry on.

[Anonymous]

What a horrific idea. Look inward as to why your child is acting like that. Drive your kid to school and make sure they catch the school bus; punishment does not work clearly.
Are you as lazy as your child? Wonder where she gets it from? Sit down to do homework with her.
Show her you care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What a horrific idea. Look inward as to why your child is acting like that. Drive your kid to school and make sure they catch the school bus; punishment does not work clearly.
Are you as lazy as your child? Wonder where she gets it from? Sit down to do homework with her.
Show her you care.

You realize that you’re responding to a post from 2018, yes?

[Anonymous]

I would have Christmas but I would not go overboard with gifts. Gifts would be things she needs not anything she wants. She isn’t earning wants.

She also needs chores at home and should be earning any privileges. Her behavior is unacceptable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That won't solve the issue and it will just strain your relationship. I agree that it's likely an executive functioning issue; try to help her instead of punishing her.

+1 this is parenting 101. The punishment should match the crime. In this case, the true crime is that she’s made it this far without getting any support for executive functioning. This is not her fault. I can’t imagine taking away Christmas from my child/teen, for any reason at all much less for the issues you describe.

Oh FFS, getting up and leaving class for extended times is vaping in the bathroom or meeting up with a guy, etc

Her behavior, truthfully, sounds like many kids in our school that are using.

This. I would ask the school not to allow her to leave class (wtf?) except with an escort. She’s up to no good.