Do You Feel That Affairs Are the Ultimate Selfishness?

[Anonymous]

Nope. My husband hasn't worked in close to three years. Last time he worked in 2016 he got depressed, didn't tell me, and lied daily about the fact he wasn't working.

Every day I go to work and am the only person working hard. Every day I worry about money.

ll because unlike me, he could neither power through his feelings nor be honest so he could get help.

I would give anything for a husband who honors his responsibilities like a grownup. If that hypothetical husband really liked sex with other women I'd be far happier than with the one I have, whose character defect endangers my future (and even our home).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What if it's just sex? Who cares? People get all worked up over cheating for nothing.

The cheated-on spouse cares. Otherwise it would have been an open marriage.

If the cheated-on spouse has been rejecting sex, clearly they do not care.
I would say an affair is equally selfish as a sexless marriage. Neither is worse, they are exactly the same degree of selfishness.

Why can’t the potential cheater say “hey I don’t want to live aa sexless marriage anymore. We need to get a divorce if we can’t have sex.”

Or maybe you don't need the divorce, you should need to allow the other partner the freedom to roam. It's called an open marriage.

[Anonymous]

"Sexual fidelity can't be the whole thing you hang your relationship on. If you really love somebody you want them to grow, but you don't get to define how that happens. They do."

"People have such a childish view of monogamy and fidelity. 'He's cheated so he's bad, she's cheated so she's bad,' as opposed to a recognition that our species is not monogamous. To act all indignant, that your world has been rocked because your lover wasn't faithful to you, is a little bit like acting rocked that your hair went grey. Human beings are sexual beings."

-- Ethan Hawke

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Sexual fidelity can't be the whole thing you hang your relationship on. If you really love somebody you want them to grow, but you don't get to define how that happens. They do."

"People have such a childish view of monogamy and fidelity. 'He's cheated so he's bad, she's cheated so she's bad,' as opposed to a recognition that our species is not monogamous. To act all indignant, that your world has been rocked because your lover wasn't faithful to you, is a little bit like acting rocked that your hair went grey. Human beings are sexual beings."

-- Ethan Hawke

A big load from those who are merely deflecting away from their lack of morals. And probably the dysfunctional environment they were raised in.

More excuses from cheaters and liars. Psychiatrists deal with them everyday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can anyone recommend a book to heal from being the victim of a cheater?

There’s one about a religious couple where the wife cheated, got pregnant by her AP, had the baby, and the marriage is now stronger than ever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Sexual fidelity can't be the whole thing you hang your relationship on. If you really love somebody you want them to grow, but you don't get to define how that happens. They do."

"People have such a childish view of monogamy and fidelity. 'He's cheated so he's bad, she's cheated so she's bad,' as opposed to a recognition that our species is not monogamous. To act all indignant, that your world has been rocked because your lover wasn't faithful to you, is a little bit like acting rocked that your hair went grey. Human beings are sexual beings."

-- Ethan Hawke

A big load from those who are merely deflecting away from their lack of morals. And probably the dysfunctional environment they were raised in.

More excuses from cheaters and liars. Psychiatrists deal with them everyday.

I am the PP who posted this. I have not cheated. I cannot say I never will, as I do not know what the future would bring. I would hope that I get from my relationship with my spouse, those needs that she is able and willing to meet. I do not think it is fair to expect our spouses to provide 100 percent of our emotional and physical needs. They are not and cannot be responsible for our own happiness. We get many, but not all, of our emotional and physical needs from spouses, but not necessarilly. I do not think I can sit in judgement of others who need to go outside the marital relationship to meet their sexual needs. I do not know their situation. Some people may be in situations where they must stay in the marriage or that they want to "for the sake of the kids" or whatever. In the former case, Dan Savage says you are doing what you need to do to stay sane. If you loved your spouse, but she or he was not capable due to a disability, for example, of meeting your sexual needs, would you be celibate for the rest of your life? Is that what is called for? In the latter case, maybe what's needed is an open marriage. We are learning that there are all types of relationships and a diversity of sexual expressions. I do not thing we always need to hold to and enforce on others our view of what is a correct marital relationship. That is to be defined only by the partners in the marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Sexual fidelity can't be the whole thing you hang your relationship on. If you really love somebody you want them to grow, but you don't get to define how that happens. They do."

"People have such a childish view of monogamy and fidelity. 'He's cheated so he's bad, she's cheated so she's bad,' as opposed to a recognition that our species is not monogamous. To act all indignant, that your world has been rocked because your lover wasn't faithful to you, is a little bit like acting rocked that your hair went grey. Human beings are sexual beings."

-- Ethan Hawke

Oh well if Ethan Hawke said it, it must be true.

If you get into a marriage with the agreement that sexual fidelity is not a priority, that's fine. Most mere mortals have a need and expectation from marriage that sexual fidelity is part of the package.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Sexual fidelity can't be the whole thing you hang your relationship on. If you really love somebody you want them to grow, but you don't get to define how that happens. They do."

"People have such a childish view of monogamy and fidelity. 'He's cheated so he's bad, she's cheated so she's bad,' as opposed to a recognition that our species is not monogamous. To act all indignant, that your world has been rocked because your lover wasn't faithful to you, is a little bit like acting rocked that your hair went grey. Human beings are sexual beings."

-- Ethan Hawke

Oh well if Ethan Hawke said it, it must be true.

If you get into a marriage with the agreement that sexual fidelity is not a priority, that's fine. Most mere mortals have a need and expectation from marriage that sexual fidelity is part of the package.

That agreement for sexual fidelity comes with an expectation of regular sexual activity. When the activity ends, so ends the fidelity.

[Anonymous]

My ex wife had an affair and I let her work know. They yanked her clearance. Totally torpedo'd her professionally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My ex wife had an affair and I let her work know. They yanked her clearance. Totally torpedo'd her professionally.

lol Good for you! We did that to co-workers who were married. Cheaters don't realize most aren't tolerant of that and have no problem calling them out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ex wife had an affair and I let her work know. They yanked her clearance. Totally torpedo'd her professionally.

lol Good for you! We did that to co-workers who were married. Cheaters don't realize most aren't tolerant of that and have no problem calling them out.

By and chance, were their names Peter Strzok and Lisa Page?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ex wife had an affair and I let her work know. They yanked her clearance. Totally torpedo'd her professionally.

lol Good for you! We did that to co-workers who were married. Cheaters don't realize most aren't tolerant of that and have no problem calling them out.

Goodness. Just found out my DH had an affair. She works for the Government and knows she is using a government phone / computer for her extra activities. I told her you better stop your behavior or she will be reported. She threatened me with false accusations that my employer will fire me. I'm the cheated party and take care of the kids, and she is threatened me to go to WAR. Her behavior is crazy and is getting worst by the day. If it wasn't for the kids, I would call her out on it.

[Anonymous]

Report the cheating whore. Seriously. If she has no evidence on you, you'll be fine even if she makes a report against you. It takes 3 seconds for her work to verify she's using her government phone inappropriately. Girl.... close your legs to married men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Sexual fidelity can't be the whole thing you hang your relationship on. If you really love somebody you want them to grow, but you don't get to define how that happens. They do."

"People have such a childish view of monogamy and fidelity. 'He's cheated so he's bad, she's cheated so she's bad,' as opposed to a recognition that our species is not monogamous. To act all indignant, that your world has been rocked because your lover wasn't faithful to you, is a little bit like acting rocked that your hair went grey. Human beings are sexual beings."

-- Ethan Hawke

says the man who cheated on his 1st wife (Uma Thurman).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My ex wife had an affair and I let her work know. They yanked her clearance. Totally torpedo'd her professionally.

So, now you pay more alimony and child support? Smart move.