Do You Feel That Affairs Are the Ultimate Selfishness?

[Anonymous]

But isn't an affair kind of like child abuse when it harm's the betrayed partner deeply and indirectly the children too. I dont think they can escape the repercussions

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is an example of something more selfish?

Neglecting children while you drink, do drugs, party, etc.
Smoking, drinking, doing drugs while pregnant.

+1

Also, leaving the family entirely, emotional abuse, physical abuse... I could think of a lot of things. If you don't get caught, many, many, many other things.

[Anonymous]

I honestly think parents fighting in front of their kids or talking badly about them in front of kids is far more selfish and worse than an affair. Far worse.

Also, being a narcissistic parent, unreasonable expectations of children, and being a mentally ill or neglectful parent but refusing help is way more selfish as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's extreme poor character for the cheaters. There is literally no excuse that can't be countered with the statement "get a divorce first." Yes, divorce is hard. Expensive. Unpleasant. But it's what adults do when a marriage is over.

Instead, cheaters inflict extreme emotional trauma on their families... Making conscious efforts to lie, manipulate, and gaslight their families day after day. Indefinitely, until they are busted.

Kids aren't resilient.
Your spouse isn't responsible for your happiness.
Your affair partner isnt responsible for your happiness.

+100 I agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's extreme poor character for the cheaters. There is literally no excuse that can't be countered with the statement "get a divorce first." Yes, divorce is hard. Expensive. Unpleasant. But it's what adults do when a marriage is over.

Instead, cheaters inflict extreme emotional trauma on their families... Making conscious efforts to lie, manipulate, and gaslight their families day after day. Indefinitely, until they are busted.

Kids aren't resilient.
Your spouse isn't responsible for your happiness.
Your affair partner isnt responsible for your happiness.

+100 I agree.

The cheated on spouse doesn't want this either.

[Anonymous]

The heart wants what the heart wants.

Some years ago there was a beautiful “Vows” story in the NYT. A Mom and a Dad met each other as they dropped their children off at preschool. The two couples became good friends. But, a powerful force, a magnetic attraction drew the Mom and the other Dad together.

They “cheated” because they had to see for themselves if their love was so strong that it was worthwhile to blow up their marriages. “Cheating” allowed them to have their existing marriages to fall back on if this magical love didn’t come through.

But come it did

Everyone is better off. The wonderful couple, of course. The children who get to see a powerful love between two parents. The ex-spouses don’t have to live with the guilt of keeping the two from each other.

Ultimately, some people have earned the right to cheat. If you’ve just made partner in a BigLaw firm, then you almost certainly should start auditioning candidates. Why should you stick with a sweet 6 when your newly elevated status and social profile, coupled with the best possible grooming, clothing and fitness training can earn you nines or even 9.5’s?

Lots of people outgrow their spouses. Who are we to judge their happiness to take a back seat to their spouses, their children, or all of us?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But isn't an affair kind of like child abuse when it harm's the betrayed partner deeply and indirectly the children too. I dont think they can escape the repercussions

Haha. No, it’s nothing like child abuse. You saps are hilarious. No wonder you’re cheated upon—youre so whiny and pathetic. I revile you.

[Anonymous]

What if it's just sex? Who cares? People get all worked up over cheating for nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The heart wants what the heart wants.

Some years ago there was a beautiful “Vows” story in the NYT. A Mom and a Dad met each other as they dropped their children off at preschool. The two couples became good friends. But, a powerful force, a magnetic attraction drew the Mom and the other Dad together.

They “cheated” because they had to see for themselves if their love was so strong that it was worthwhile to blow up their marriages. “Cheating” allowed them to have their existing marriages to fall back on if this magical love didn’t come through.

But come it did

Everyone is better off. The wonderful couple, of course. The children who get to see a powerful love between two parents. The ex-spouses don’t have to live with the guilt of keeping the two from each other.

Ultimately, some people have earned the right to cheat. If you’ve just made partner in a BigLaw firm, then you almost certainly should start auditioning candidates. Why should you stick with a sweet 6 when your newly elevated status and social profile, coupled with the best possible grooming, clothing and fitness training can earn you nines or even 9.5’s?

Lots of people outgrow their spouses. Who are we to judge their happiness to take a back seat to their spouses, their children, or all of us?

Wow! I love this. I was a 9 but he wanted a 10. Go figure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But isn't an affair kind of like child abuse when it harm's the betrayed partner deeply and indirectly the children too. I dont think they can escape the repercussions

For me it wasn't the cheating. It didn't even register as a child and as a grown-up, I don't care who cheated on who because so many people do it. Mine pain was the repercussion of my father beating my mother for it even thought he cheated too and probably first. Then again, maybe he would've beaten her regardless, but I still think that was the reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is an example of something more selfish?

Abandoning the family is more selfish. You know, the stories where a parent leaves and starts a new family and basically abandons their kids. That’s the ultimate in selfish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is an example of something more selfish?

Abandoning the family is more selfish. You know, the stories where a parent leaves and starts a new family and basically abandons their kids. That’s the ultimate in selfish.

Cheating is abandoning your family.

I was cheated on and though my spouse likes to shit talk me, he very conveniently forgets that the reason I left is because he was on Tinder and hiding condoms in his glove box and going on dates. It’s incredible to me how many apologists I encountered for his behavior following my leaving. People don’t actually care that your spouse lied to you and made you feel crazy and inadequate. They’d rather you maintain the facade than leave.

[Anonymous]

Undoubtedly selfish. Almost the definition of selfish. Nowhere near the ultimate, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The heart wants what the heart wants.

Some years ago there was a beautiful “Vows” story in the NYT. A Mom and a Dad met each other as they dropped their children off at preschool. The two couples became good friends. But, a powerful force, a magnetic attraction drew the Mom and the other Dad together.

They “cheated” because they had to see for themselves if their love was so strong that it was worthwhile to blow up their marriages. “Cheating” allowed them to have their existing marriages to fall back on if this magical love didn’t come through.

But come it did

Everyone is better off. The wonderful couple, of course. The children who get to see a powerful love between two parents. The ex-spouses don’t have to live with the guilt of keeping the two from each other.

Ultimately, some people have earned the right to cheat. If you’ve just made partner in a BigLaw firm, then you almost certainly should start auditioning candidates. Why should you stick with a sweet 6 when your newly elevated status and social profile, coupled with the best possible grooming, clothing and fitness training can earn you nines or even 9.5’s?

Lots of people outgrow their spouses. Who are we to judge their happiness to take a back seat to their spouses, their children, or all of us?

You mean the penis/vagina wants what the penis/vagina wants.

Do people outgrow their children too? Because they are very much aware that cheating will likely destroy a lot of their children's childhood and they go ahead.

I could never cheat and put my children through that kind of hell.

I could never put my husband through that kind of hell either. It would not matter whether I "fell out of love" with him(Whatever that means). I married a great guy who does not deserve such bullshit because I am lusting over other men/women

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What if it's just sex? Who cares? People get all worked up over cheating for nothing.

The cheated-on spouse cares. Otherwise it would have been an open marriage.