Reply to Do You Feel That Affairs Are the Ultimate Selfishness?

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Reply to "Do You Feel That Affairs Are the Ultimate Selfishness?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]"Sexual fidelity can't be the whole thing you hang your relationship on. If you really love somebody you want them to grow, but you don't get to define how that happens. They do."

"People have such a childish view of monogamy and fidelity. 'He's cheated so he's bad, she's cheated so she's bad,' as opposed to a recognition that our species is not monogamous.  To act all indignant, that your world has been rocked because your lover wasn't faithful to you, is a little bit like acting rocked that your hair went grey. Human beings are sexual beings."

-- Ethan Hawke[/quote]

A big load from those who are merely deflecting away from their lack of morals. And probably the dysfunctional environment they were raised in.

More excuses from cheaters and liars. Psychiatrists deal with them everyday.[/quote]

I am the PP who posted this.  I have not cheated.  I cannot say I never will, as I do not know what the future would bring.  I would hope that I get from my relationship with my spouse, those needs that she is able and willing to meet.  I do not think it is fair to expect our spouses to provide 100 percent of our emotional and physical needs. They are not and cannot be responsible for our own happiness.  We get many, but not all, of our emotional and physical needs from spouses, but not necessarilly.  I do not think I can sit in judgement of others who need to go outside the marital relationship to meet their sexual needs. I do not know their situation.  Some people may be in situations where they must stay in the marriage or that they want to "for the sake of the kids" or whatever.  In the former case, Dan Savage says you are doing what you need to do to stay sane.  If you loved your spouse, but she or he was not capable due to a disability, for example, of meeting your sexual needs, would you be celibate for the rest of your life?  Is that what is called for?  In the latter case, maybe what's needed is an open marriage.  We are learning that there are all types of relationships and a diversity of sexual expressions.  I do not thing we always need to hold to and enforce on others our view of what is a correct marital relationship.  That is to be defined only by the partners in the marriage. [/quote]

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