Dreading visit from smelly ILs

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a sensitive sense of smell and I suspect this situation may be a combination of your hypersensitivity and your IL’s signature scent. Each house and family has a certain smell, I have noticed. I can smell my friends and relatives when they come to my house, although none of them are displeasing.

Do you smell people other than your ILs, OP?

Your pregnancy is the ideal excuse to mention this to your MIL. You won’t have another chance like this, so please grab it.

The lady has BO, OP being pregnant did not give it her.

[Anonymous]

If they collect a lot of crap second hand, it could be cat pee that you’re smelling even though they don’t have cats now themselves. Cat smell is foul and never goes away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. These aren't food spices -- not even close. It's not mold or mildew. It's like a bad breath, rotting teeth smell -- I'm still not getting the description completely right. It's overpowering though. The last time MIL was in town I picked her up from the airport and the minute she got in my car, the smell hit me like a ton of bricks. I immediately thought how terrible it must have been for the passenger sitting next to her on her flight.

I wish there was an easy way to tell the ILs, but there isn't. DH isn't going to do it because he won't want to hurt them (he has no siblings), and me doing it just doesn't feel like the right answer. Oh well. I will just have to keep sucking it up like I've been doing for the past several years.

Maybe they have tonsil stones or lots of bad teeth / fillings with spaces for bacteria to grow? Have you ever smelled the breath of someone with tonsil stones? It’s like ban breath + something rotting.

[Anonymous]

DH should check up on them regarding proper dental care. its a health concern

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. These aren't food spices -- not even close. It's not mold or mildew. It's like a bad breath, rotting teeth smell -- I'm still not getting the description completely right. It's overpowering though. The last time MIL was in town I picked her up from the airport and the minute she got in my car, the smell hit me like a ton of bricks. I immediately thought how terrible it must have been for the passenger sitting next to her on her flight.

I wish there was an easy way to tell the ILs, but there isn't. DH isn't going to do it because he won't want to hurt them (he has no siblings), and me doing it just doesn't feel like the right answer. Oh well. I will just have to keep sucking it up like I've been doing for the past several years.

OP, I'm the same with smells. It was horrible during my pregnancies. I can smell sinus infections and gum disease from the other side of them room. I think this is what you're smelling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This requires many levels of action:

1. Douse a scarf in perfume, or better yet an essential oil, and wear that around your neck the whole time as an accessory. I "play" (sniff) with my scarf when I smell something gross.

2. Get a powerful plug-in airfreshener.

3. Spray Febreeze frequently (after they've left the room).

4. Boil some fragrant foods like lemon or apples/spices periodically.

5. Leave a scented body wash in the shower for them to use.

6. Gift them perfume/cologne.

But then there will be a strong perfume-y kind of smell everywhere. And a bad smell mixed with perfume/air freshener scents is even worse than just the unpleasant odor by itself.

What about just keeping a window or two open just a crack while they are in your house? I’d rather smell fresh air than scented air, whether a good or bad smell.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:You had better all be from the same ethnic and cultural background for you to be writing this, OP. If not, have the sense to have Jeff delete this thread.

+ 1

Huh?

Yeah, i don't get it either.

You really are so dense that you don't get how deeply offensive it would be if OP were a white woman commenting on "the smell" of her black, or Indian, or Mexican American ILs? Or if OP were an Indian woman commenting on "the smell" of her white or Japanese ILs?

If they smell, they smell. Why would you ignore that just because of somebody's ethnicity?

Because what she's smelling may be the spices they use in their food that are simply unfamiliar to her, not unhygienic.

Now it's my turn to ask if you're dense. Do you think that clouds of curry fumes follow south asians around wherever they go? Do you think the OP is too unintelligent to discern cooking odors from something that is foul smelling? Or are you so hung up on viewing every little thing through the lens of race that you can't think rationally?

Not speaking of any specific ethnicity and being a brown person myself, I’ve noticed that some body smells are not from cooking/diet, they are from personal hygiene and grooming products. When I’ve lived abroad, I often needed weeks to adjust to locally preferred natural oils or herbal tonics for hair or skin. Some have a very strong scent. Actually, a fresh bottle of olive oil instantly reminds me of a Cuban relative who used it as a panacea.

[Anonymous]

OP, are they quite heavy people? I'm not asking that in an unkind way at all. My job at one point involved working with overweight people (not just a couple of pleasingly plump pounds, obese people ) and with some people the folds in their skin often carried an odor if they couldn't wash them properly. The same might go for their private regions. How awful for all of you, in any case.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think it may be gum issues.

Tell them your gums are sensitive now that you're pregnant and your doc recommended white oak bark rinse. Now both you and your husband use it and love it and your gums feel so good. You even decided to get some for them as a gift. They should try it for a month and let you know how it feels. It was so helpful for your and your husband's oral health, and you love ILs so much that you had to get it for them.

[Anonymous]

Does it smell sort of fishy? If so, could be TMAU

[Anonymous]

My MIL smells awful. I think it’s bad hygiene that she covers with cheap perfume. It makes me ill. DH can also smell it. She just got here and I’m trying to figure out how to offer to wash all the clothes in her suitcase, plus her jacket.

I did leave a whole array of nice grooming products including a lovely dry shampoo in her bathroom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I believe you that they have a smell--my MILs house has a particular smell (not bad, just different) that I notice when I am first there, and my SIL wears just way too much perfume and my house smells after she has been there. Is it possible that it has been so much worse for you the last few years because of pregnancy hormones? When I was pregnant (even before I knew) I complained incessantly about smells that my husband could not smell. I'm normally pretty sensitive to smells, but being pregnant and postpartum it was so much worse and overwhelming. Anyway--this is a known pregnancy thing and perhaps you could use that as a cover to say something to them.

OP here. Yes! While pregnant with my first child 7 years ago, I developed an extreme sensitivity to smell that never went away. I'm sensitive to even the mildest scents that no one else seems to notice. Thank you for believing me, PP!

If you are the only one smelling this odor it could be that you have some sort of scent sensitivity and are perceiving an odor that other people do not. It's very real to you because you know what you smell. But others are not lying when they say they don't smell it.

My guess is they are using some sort of scent - shampoo? soap? laundry detergent? That is simply not good to your nose.

Maybe the next time they visit you ask another person over and find out (after the in-laws leave) if they noticed an odd odor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:You had better all be from the same ethnic and cultural background for you to be writing this, OP. If not, have the sense to have Jeff delete this thread.

+ 1

Huh?

Yeah, i don't get it either.

You really are so dense that you don't get how deeply offensive it would be if OP were a white woman commenting on "the smell" of her black, or Indian, or Mexican American ILs? Or if OP were an Indian woman commenting on "the smell" of her white or Japanese ILs?

If they smell, they smell. Why would you ignore that just because of somebody's ethnicity?

Because what she's smelling may be the spices they use in their food that are simply unfamiliar to her, not unhygienic.

Now it's my turn to ask if you're dense. Do you think that clouds of curry fumes follow south asians around wherever they go? Do you think the OP is too unintelligent to discern cooking odors from something that is foul smelling? Or are you so hung up on viewing every little thing through the lens of race that you can't think rationally?

You're an idiot.

And you're an ignorant, uneducated imbecile.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, are they quite heavy people? I'm not asking that in an unkind way at all. My job at one point involved working with overweight people (not just a couple of pleasingly plump pounds, obese people ) and with some people the folds in their skin often carried an odor if they couldn't wash them properly. The same might go for their private regions. How awful for all of you, in any case.

I was just coming to suggest this exact same thing!

OP-- are they clinically obese (not average overweight)? I also have experience working with people who have trouble cleaning themselves thoroughly at a certain size, as the PP described above. If they have been gaining weight since you first met them, this would also explain why the smell has gotten worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, are they quite heavy people? I'm not asking that in an unkind way at all. My job at one point involved working with overweight people (not just a couple of pleasingly plump pounds, obese people ) and with some people the folds in their skin often carried an odor if they couldn't wash them properly. The same might go for their private regions. How awful for all of you, in any case.

I was just coming to suggest this exact same thing!

OP-- are they clinically obese (not average overweight)? I also have experience working with people who have trouble cleaning themselves thoroughly at a certain size, as the PP described above. If they have been gaining weight since you first met them, this would also explain why the smell has gotten worse.

It's doubtful that a smell like that would be all over their house and belongings and linger in Op's house after they left.

Another possibility might be that they are smoking something? Smoke absolutely will stink up them and everything in their house, too.