Dreading visit from smelly ILs

[Anonymous]

Some people do have a.... pungent smell, sort of sweet-sour, like a dumpster may smell. Slightly rotten and slightly sweet. I wonder if this is the smell?

[Anonymous]

I don't think this is what OP is complaining about, but I really do hate perfumes and scented detergents. Perfume in an elevator or a plane can give me a headache for hours. Detergent is just as bad but I don't usually notice it unless I'm pretty close to the fabric.

OP could any of this be psychological? Not that you don't smell a smell, but that you're letting it get to you so much?

[Anonymous]

You may have an overly sensitive sense of smell. Or you have built up in your head how bad it will be and now it has taken on a life of its own.

If your DH doesn't notice the smell then it can't really be an overpowering stench.

[Anonymous]

Is the smell on baby yet?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's probably old person smell. There's nothing to be done about it. It's a biological thing where old people's skin secretions change. It can happen starting in middle age.

No, the smell is usually a result of not being able to bathe/wash hair as often. Most elderly people with good hygiene don’t smell bad.

Not sure of the accuracy but posting for counterpoint: https://www.agingcare.com/articles/old-person-smell-174839.htm

Thanks for posting. Not OP, but dealing with elderly parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. These aren't food spices -- not even close. It's not mold or mildew. It's like a bad breath, rotting teeth smell -- I'm still not getting the description completely right. It's overpowering though. The last time MIL was in town I picked her up from the airport and the minute she got in my car, the smell hit me like a ton of bricks. I immediately thought how terrible it must have been for the passenger sitting next to her on her flight.

I wish there was an easy way to tell the ILs, but there isn't. DH isn't going to do it because he won't want to hurt them (he has no siblings), and me doing it just doesn't feel like the right answer. Oh well. I will just have to keep sucking it up like I've been doing for the past several years.

This is MY OWN mother. I actually posted about it here a few years ago and I got totally flamed I was genuinely asking for help and support and everyone accused me of being an awful, hateful person. My mother has always had an unpleasant odor to her. My sister and I call it "mom smell" when we talk about it. It is a mix of unwashed private parts and BO. It's awful and I am, totally mortified when she visits. I am talking she gets up from sitting on the couch and it smells. I have to febreeze all surfaces after she visits. I hate it. Neither of us has ever said anything to her because honestly she is just not the type of person you can say that too. She can be really mean and awful and a few times when I suggested she shower (she only showers every few days) she screamed at me. She is not depressed, her house is immaculate. She just SMELLS. I feel your pain OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. These aren't food spices -- not even close. It's not mold or mildew. It's like a bad breath, rotting teeth smell -- I'm still not getting the description completely right. It's overpowering though. The last time MIL was in town I picked her up from the airport and the minute she got in my car, the smell hit me like a ton of bricks. I immediately thought how terrible it must have been for the passenger sitting next to her on her flight.

I wish there was an easy way to tell the ILs, but there isn't. DH isn't going to do it because he won't want to hurt them (he has no siblings), and me doing it just doesn't feel like the right answer. Oh well. I will just have to keep sucking it up like I've been doing for the past several years.

This is MY OWN mother. I actually posted about it here a few years ago and I got totally flamed I was genuinely asking for help and support and everyone accused me of being an awful, hateful person. My mother has always had an unpleasant odor to her. My sister and I call it "mom smell" when we talk about it. It is a mix of unwashed private parts and BO. It's awful and I am, totally mortified when she visits. I am talking she gets up from sitting on the couch and it smells. I have to febreeze all surfaces after she visits. I hate it. Neither of us has ever said anything to her because honestly she is just not the type of person you can say that too. She can be really mean and awful and a few times when I suggested she shower (she only showers every few days) she screamed at me. She is not depressed, her house is immaculate. She just SMELLS. I feel your pain OP.

She might have an infection. Or maybe she is using hippie detergent?

I hope my DD would make me aware if I stank.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You had better all be from the same ethnic and cultural background for you to be writing this, OP. If not, have the sense to have Jeff delete this thread.

+ 1

Enough with the political correctness! What's wrong with a person from one culture saying that people from another culture smell in a way she doesn't like? Stuff like that happens and you can't make it not happen just by deleting the words that describe it. Signed - a minority-culture POC female married to a white/European male who has traveled around the world enough to know that unfamiliar smells can be really annoying and there's nothing wrong with that.

Sounds like there is another issue, but people smell different based on what they eat. It comes through our pores, in perspiration, and not just when we're not clean. People from other countries perceive that most Americans smell like corn/beef.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I would tell them that you have developed a sensitivity/allergy to certain smells. Say you haven't figured out the specific cause, but the sensitivity causes you to feel ill if people who you are around for extended periods use laundry detergent that isn't fragrance free and hyperallergic. Ask if they would mind terribly if they washed their clothes with (insert name of detergent like draft) before the came or you'd be happy to do it for them when they get to your house. I have a strong sensitivity to smells and I'm clear with family members not to wear perfume when they visit me. This way you are saying you are the problem and asking them to help. Say you're asking all overnight visitors to do this an apologize profusely for the inconvenience. I think it's their clothes. Also mention that you only have fragrance free body washes in the house.

My sister and I are both allergic to dyes and perfumes. Whenever my grandmother visits either of us, she goes straight into the shower with her bar of soap (something we can have around, only she uses) and our shampoo/conditioner. We give her a huge fluffy robe she wears once she’s out until all of her clothes come out of the dryer. She can’t raise one arm past 45 degrees anymore, and she can’t stretch adequately to clean her back and shins/feet anymore, so she has a new handled poof each time as well. She hates it, but the smells hanging around her make both of us gag/use our inhalers, so it’s either live with it or don’t visit. Neither of us can be in her house anymore, it looks fine until you get close, but the smell warts out as you open the door. And she refuses to have help cleaning either her home or her body, so as long as she is physically able to do at least half and willing to sit in a robe for two hours while clothes wash twice... we’re not going to push yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. These aren't food spices -- not even close. It's not mold or mildew. It's like a bad breath, rotting teeth smell -- I'm still not getting the description completely right. It's overpowering though. The last time MIL was in town I picked her up from the airport and the minute she got in my car, the smell hit me like a ton of bricks. I immediately thought how terrible it must have been for the passenger sitting next to her on her flight.

I wish there was an easy way to tell the ILs, but there isn't. DH isn't going to do it because he won't want to hurt them (he has no siblings), and me doing it just doesn't feel like the right answer. Oh well. I will just have to keep sucking it up like I've been doing for the past several years.

This is MY OWN mother. I actually posted about it here a few years ago and I got totally flamed I was genuinely asking for help and support and everyone accused me of being an awful, hateful person. My mother has always had an unpleasant odor to her. My sister and I call it "mom smell" when we talk about it. It is a mix of unwashed private parts and BO. It's awful and I am, totally mortified when she visits. I am talking she gets up from sitting on the couch and it smells. I have to febreeze all surfaces after she visits. I hate it. Neither of us has ever said anything to her because honestly she is just not the type of person you can say that too. She can be really mean and awful and a few times when I suggested she shower (she only showers every few days) she screamed at me. She is not depressed, her house is immaculate. She just SMELLS. I feel your pain OP.

She might have an infection. Or maybe she is using hippie detergent?

I hope my DD would make me aware if I stank.

She only showers every few days. I would imagine that she only launders clothes on occasion, too. There is a reason she's stinky - she doesn't wash and she smells funky! Like most people smell funky when they do not wash regularly.

[Anonymous]

All of my mom's belongings smell. Her bags, luggage, coats and even gifts that she wraps and sends to us. I don't think she personally smells. I can't figure out what it is.

I have a sensitive nose and I can barely stand it. I can't eat if some of her belongings are nearby. We don't often visit her at home -she comes to us or she'll meet us outside of her home.

But, I haven't found a way to tell her - or even if I should tell her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You may have an overly sensitive sense of smell. Or you have built up in your head how bad it will be and now it has taken on a life of its own.

If your DH doesn't notice the smell then it can't really be an overpowering stench.

You do realize everyone does not have an acute sense of smell. MIL has a stank butt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All of my mom's belongings smell. Her bags, luggage, coats and even gifts that she wraps and sends to us. I don't think she personally smells. I can't figure out what it is.

I have a sensitive nose and I can barely stand it. I can't eat if some of her belongings are nearby. We don't often visit her at home -she comes to us or she'll meet us outside of her home.

But, I haven't found a way to tell her - or even if I should tell her.

Tell her.
Mom, I hate to tell you this, but could not live with myself if I did not. I notice a strong and unpleasant body odor on you and your belongings. You may not notice it because you are now nose blind to it.
You probably need to bath more often, daily. Our body chemistry changes throughout our lives and our grooming routines have to change to keep up. Like I said, I hate to have to tell you and I even hesitated doing it but would hate even more that other people notice and no one cared enough to let you know so that you could take care of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Put scented hand cream on the back of your hand. Smell as needed.

Rub a small amount under your nose.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You had better all be from the same ethnic and cultural background for you to be writing this, OP. If not, have the sense to have Jeff delete this thread.

+ 1

Huh?

Yeah, i don't get it either.

You really are so dense that you don't get how deeply offensive it would be if OP were a white woman commenting on "the smell" of her black, or Indian, or Mexican American ILs? Or if OP were an Indian woman commenting on "the smell" of her white or Japanese ILs?

I'm black and if I had a white friend/relative/spouse tell me I smell,I would not be offended , I WOULD WASH MY ASS

LOL.