Dreading visit from smelly ILs

[Anonymous]

DH's parents will be in town for the holidays, and also for the birth of our second child, due next month. My ILs are wonderful people. Fun, funny, generous, warm, accepting. And they are great with our first DS, helpful and just have a wonderful relationship with him. I know they will be great this second baby too. Here's the problem: my ILs smell. A strong, unpleasant smell that permeates every space in our tiny condo. They will stay at a nearby hotel, but will want to spend hours with us at our condo since we only see them 2-3 times a year. MIL will often volunteer to cook (in an attempt to be helpful), but I somehow find a way to not eat her cooking. Not because the food isn't good, but because I can smell the awful stench all over everything, the dishes, kitchen counter, etc. and I lose my appetite.

I am not a troll, and I am not a mean-spirited person. I love my ILs and in many ways, they treat my DS and me better than my birth family. However, I've dealt with their smelliness for years, and grin and bear it for the sake of DH and DS, and I actually enjoy their company. However, when the visits are over, I spend hours disinfecting every surface, washing all pillows, sheets, wiping down furniture, because of the stench.

I finally broke down and told DH a few weeks ago why I've elected to stay home while he and DS visits his parents in GA over the last year or so -- their home carries the same stench and after a few hours I can't take it anymore --it's that bad. He was shocked and said that he never knew his parents smelled. But he's not of course going to say anything to them, nor do I expect him to.

I guess this is something I will just have to deal with as long as we're married, right? ILs are not filthy people. Their home is not something off an episode of hoarders, but it could use a very good cleaning, and they just have a lot of stuff. I don't know much about their grooming/personal hygiene, although times MIL has stayed with us, she will bathe at night and get up the next morning and go. I know lots of people do this and don't have body odor. I just can't pinpoint the stench.

I don't know what I'm looking for here. Can I send an anonymous letter to their home explaining the issue and hoping that helps?

What would you do if you were me?

[Anonymous]

No, you don’t send a letter! I don’t have any advice for you. I’m sorry they smell. But dear lord, don’t send them an anonymous letter.

[Anonymous]

Get a glade plugin and grin and bear it. You absolutely cannot send a letter telling your fun, funny, generous, warm, accepting in-laws that they stink.

[Anonymous]

Is it a cooking spice smell? Terrible cologne? BO? Bad breath? What exactly do they smell like?

[Anonymous]

Do they have a strange diet? Rotting teeth? Colostomy bags? Smokers?

[Anonymous]

You had better all be from the same ethnic and cultural background for you to be writing this, OP. If not, have the sense to have Jeff delete this thread.

[Anonymous]

How can your husband not smell their smell? Does he smell like them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You had better all be from the same ethnic and cultural background for you to be writing this, OP. If not, have the sense to have Jeff delete this thread.

+ 1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How can your husband not smell their smell? Does he smell like them?

No, DH doesn't smell like them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do they have a strange diet? Rotting teeth? Colostomy bags? Smokers?

What’s the smell and maybe we can offer a solution.

For example, my mom bathes herself in a smelly perfume and it gives me a terrible headache. When I’m at her house, what can I do. But when she where, it lingers on the furniture. I have started asking her to not wear it, it causes me headaches for days. She was moderately offended, but agreed she doesn’t like my choice of perfume either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You had better all be from the same ethnic and cultural background for you to be writing this, OP. If not, have the sense to have Jeff delete this thread.

+ 1

This.

I smell a troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You had better all be from the same ethnic and cultural background for you to be writing this, OP. If not, have the sense to have Jeff delete this thread.

+ 1

Huh?

[Anonymous]

Health issues? My dad has permanent open sores that reek. He knows and won’t sit on anything fabric covered outside his own home, but it’s nauseating to be indoors with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do they have a strange diet? Rotting teeth? Colostomy bags? Smokers?

What’s the smell and maybe we can offer a solution.

For example, my mom bathes herself in a smelly perfume and it gives me a terrible headache. When I’m at her house, what can I do. But when she where, it lingers on the furniture. I have started asking her to not wear it, it causes me headaches for days. She was moderately offended, but agreed she doesn’t like my choice of perfume either.

OP here. I can't put my finger on the smell. FIL does have bad teeth, and I believe he has diabetes - but would that cause BO? Like I said earlier, I'm not sure about their personal hygiene habits. As I'm thinking about it, I'm not so sure the smell is coming from their bodies. It might be from their belongings...their luggage, clothes, etc. seem to be the culprit. Believe me, it's a suffocating smell.

And I am truly not a terrible DIL. But I admit this is distressing for me when we're all together. I've always had a very sensitive nose. I'm also borderline OCD when it comes to my own personal hygiene/home cleanliness.

[Anonymous]

My parents, and their entire house, have a very strong musty, mildewy smell. Is it like that?