Man wanting to dance with daughter

[Anonymous]

You probably reacted immediately without thinking -- I would have done the same thing. We can speculate whether it was the appropriate response or not after the fact all we want but that doesn't change what's already done. I am glad you did intervene rather than do nothing/worry about causing the drunk guy/party host embatassment - you did the right thing by intervening. If 'how' you intervened in the heat of the moment causes some social fallout, so be it.

[Anonymous]

Op here, I know its complicated. I hope I was right and don't feel great about this happening at all. But its made me think a lot about what one should do when something clearly wrong happens. How can anyone be completely right when a situation goes so wrong or how wrong can someone be when responding to a bad situation.

Someone earlier mentioned #metoo. I don't consider myself a liberal more of a centrist and I haven't been pleased with all aspects of whats going on with this movement. However, I'd be lying if I didn't express that in that moment I briefly thought of the video where Weinstein had the reporter in his hotel room and she couldn't bring herself to do or say anything to get herself out of the situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is he from another culture? Often this might happen when adults think dancing is fund and kids are too shy to dance, as long as it is not violent grabbing. In many countries, parents will try to get the kids to dance at such events, of on holidays where there is a band and dancing, like at beach vacation in the evenings when there is nice entertainment. Honestly, OP, you were there, was this somewhat innocent, or was this inappropriate? Moms know.

He is from a different background from myself but we are both born and raised here. I don't think this is relevant at all and you probably couldn't even guess the guys background from this discussion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You taught your daughter that that kind of behavior was not okay OP! Good for you and great for her!

This, exactly. Culturally we worry way too much about keeping men comfortable at the expense of women. You taught your daughter a lesson she will never forget. Nobody can touch her without permission.

This. Not an over-reaction. Drinking is not an excuse.

Sorry if the guy and his family/friends were embarrassed. They should be. By him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s fine to protect your daughter from an adult man who was trying to get her to dance. You haven’t answered the question on what type of dance. Was he trying to get her to join everyone in a group electric slide? Chicken dance? This is different than trying to dance with her one on one.

No it’s not different. I don’t care if the song/dance was called “hey 11 year old girls get off your phones and dance!” A stranger has no right to grab a child’s arm. That is just disgusting. OP you did the right thing showing by your daughter what an adult should think about that behavior. Any “friend” you may have lost is the kind of person you don’t want in your or your kids life anyway.

[Anonymous]

OP, I don’t really understand why you apologized. You reacted instinctively to a perceived threat to your child. I really wouldn’t give a damn what the other guy or guests think. In fact, the HOSTS should be bending over backwards to apologize to you and your daughter for putting you (through their invited guest) such an uncomfortable experience.

I have overacted (in my mind) to perceived threats to my DCs — but the gift of fear/instincts kick in when something about the other person and their behavior sets it off. We do our best as the situation presents itself. It will all blow over. Your daughter knows you defended her. She won’t forget that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess I'm in the minority, but I do think you overreacted a bit. Sounds like he was drunk and being foolish/overly friendly. I would have simply placed myself between him and her, and said she doesn't want to dance, thanks anyway. If he didn't back off at that point, I might have pushed him though!

"THANKS ANYWAY"?

An adult man asks an 11-year-old girl he does not know to dance and when she says no, he puts his hands on her, and you want her parent to say "THANKS ANYWAY"?

OP, you could have reacted differently, but I don't think that what you did was an overreaction, no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here, I know its complicated. I hope I was right and don't feel great about this happening at all. But its made me think a lot about what one should do when something clearly wrong happens. How can anyone be completely right when a situation goes so wrong or how wrong can someone be when responding to a bad situation.

Someone earlier mentioned #metoo. I don't consider myself a liberal more of a centrist and I haven't been pleased with all aspects of whats going on with this movement. However, I'd be lying if I didn't express that in that moment I briefly thought of the video where Weinstein had the reporter in his hotel room and she couldn't bring herself to do or say anything to get herself out of the situation.

The whole thing sounds unpleasant, so yes, I can imagine it leaves a lingering bad feeling. I have an 11 year old daughter so I also understand the desire to protect her. But let me ask, days later, can you see another way to handle it? Why are you going to lose friends over it? (By the way, I think you were fine; pushing is not the greatest, but I am willing to give you a pass in the heat of the moment).

But what does #metoo and being a centrist or liberal have to do with anything? Was this also jarring to you because thought these sorts of incidents happened to other people and not your beloved DD and you? I wonder if you are bothered even more because had not previously considered how common place this type of behavior is?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You taught your daughter that that kind of behavior was not okay OP! Good for you and great for her!

+1

I'm a pretty cool-headed type of person, and yes -- I totally agree that OP did great!

The most important person in this situation is not the creepy guy. It's her DD.

Girls take their cues from their parents when it comes to situations like this. And DD saw her mom draw a clear, bright line when it comes to harassment. OP shut that guy down IMMEDIATELY and HARD. Perfect.

If OP had more time to think/plan, yes, I'm sure she could have conveyed the same message with clear, strong words minus the shove. But it was a quick, in-the-moment decision, and I think she did great.

No doubt her DD will remember this (consciously or otherwise) and choose to stand up for herself (or avoid) creepy guys as she gets older.

[Anonymous]

Honestly op...
I think you would be feeling so much worse right now if you had reacted less forcefully.
Yes it sucks, but you were right and he needed to have his hands off your daughter immediately.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here, I know its complicated. I hope I was right and don't feel great about this happening at all. But its made me think a lot about what one should do when something clearly wrong happens. How can anyone be completely right when a situation goes so wrong or how wrong can someone be when responding to a bad situation.

Someone earlier mentioned #metoo. I don't consider myself a liberal more of a centrist and I haven't been pleased with all aspects of whats going on with this movement. However, I'd be lying if I didn't express that in that moment I briefly thought of the video where Weinstein had the reporter in his hotel room and she couldn't bring herself to do or say anything to get herself out of the situation.

The whole thing sounds unpleasant, so yes, I can imagine it leaves a lingering bad feeling. I have an 11 year old daughter so I also understand the desire to protect her. But let me ask, days later, can you see another way to handle it? Why are you going to lose friends over it? (By the way, I think you were fine; pushing is not the greatest, but I am willing to give you a pass in the heat of the moment).

But what does #metoo and being a centrist or liberal have to do with anything? Was this also jarring to you because thought these sorts of incidents happened to other people and not your beloved DD and you? I wonder if you are bothered even more because had not previously considered how common place this type of behavior is?

DP- but of course. People don’t consider #metoo as something that happens to their family. That’s not unusual. It’s understandable. Many women don’t even realize they’ve had #metoo moments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You taught your daughter that that kind of behavior was not okay OP! Good for you and great for her!

+1

I'm a pretty cool-headed type of person, and yes -- I totally agree that OP did great!

The most important person in this situation is not the creepy guy. It's her DD.

Girls take their cues from their parents when it comes to situations like this. And DD saw her mom draw a clear, bright line when it comes to harassment. OP shut that guy down IMMEDIATELY and HARD. Perfect.

If OP had more time to think/plan, yes, I'm sure she could have conveyed the same message with clear, strong words minus the shove. But it was a quick, in-the-moment decision, and I think she did great.

No doubt her DD will remember this (consciously or otherwise) and choose to stand up for herself (or avoid) creepy guys as she gets older.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly op...
I think you would be feeling so much worse right now if you had reacted less forcefully.
Yes it sucks, but you were right and he needed to have his hands off your daughter immediately.

This. If you had to err on one side or the other, I think in this case, its better to have erred by overreacting rather than underreacting. You modeled a good boundary for your daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here, I know its complicated. I hope I was right and don't feel great about this happening at all. But its made me think a lot about what one should do when something clearly wrong happens. How can anyone be completely right when a situation goes so wrong or how wrong can someone be when responding to a bad situation.

Someone earlier mentioned #metoo. I don't consider myself a liberal more of a centrist and I haven't been pleased with all aspects of whats going on with this movement. However, I'd be lying if I didn't express that in that moment I briefly thought of the video where Weinstein had the reporter in his hotel room and she couldn't bring herself to do or say anything to get herself out of the situation.

The whole thing sounds unpleasant, so yes, I can imagine it leaves a lingering bad feeling. I have an 11 year old daughter so I also understand the desire to protect her. But let me ask, days later, can you see another way to handle it? Why are you going to lose friends over it? (By the way, I think you were fine; pushing is not the greatest, but I am willing to give you a pass in the heat of the moment).

But what does #metoo and being a centrist or liberal have to do with anything? Was this also jarring to you because you thought these sorts of incidents happened to other people and not your beloved DD and you? I wonder if you are bothered even more because yod had not previously considered how common place this type of behavior is?

fixed a few typos.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess I'm in the minority, but I do think you overreacted a bit. Sounds like he was drunk and being foolish/overly friendly. I would have simply placed myself between him and her, and said she doesn't want to dance, thanks anyway. If he didn't back off at that point, I might have pushed him though!

I agree with you. I think OP over reacted. Pushing him and yelling at him? Way to cause a scene and probably not be invited to future parties.

Who cares about future parties?

The drunk guy didn’t take no for an answer. He stepped over the line when he grabbed the child’s arm. How, exactly, is that EVER okay?

One of the men should have stepped forward and schooled the guy - I’d be disappointed that this didn’t happen.
Since it didn’t - yes, he needed correcting.

Why are you seeking group approval though? Do the job and move on, woman. Don’t be insecure.
Your daughter learned a good lesson here too.