Man wanting to dance with daughter

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess I'm in the minority, but I do think you overreacted a bit. Sounds like he was drunk and being foolish/overly friendly. I would have simply placed myself between him and her, and said she doesn't want to dance, thanks anyway. If he didn't back off at that point, I might have pushed him though!

I agree with you. I think OP over reacted. Pushing him and yelling at him? Way to cause a scene and probably not be invited to future parties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You taught your daughter that that kind of behavior was not okay OP! Good for you and great for her!

This, exactly. Culturally we worry way too much about keeping men comfortable at the expense of women. You taught your daughter a lesson she will never forget. Nobody can touch her without permission.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whether you acted appropriately of course depends on what precisely you did. All the people saying you were fine are making a lot of assumptions. That you may have lost friends indicates that you may have overreacted. Frankly, the absence of details in your post also suggests that you think you overreacted.

I don’t think I did... Let me just come out and say it. I basically pushed the guy away from her forcefully and said are you nuts?

Once again, OP, you’re being pretty vague. There’s a lot loaded in that “basically” - why don’t you just describe precisely what you said, what you did, and what happened afterwards?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m just trying to understand why an adult male would even approach a minor or even a young woman to dance WTF! Seriously OP if you lost friends over it...good riddance. I would have done similar, possibly worse!

I agree!!! What kind of friends wouldn’t take your side? Also, was every adult pretty tipsy/drunk? This will blow over. The fact that you never met the guy before hopefully means you won’t run into him again in social circles. Was your DH there? If you were a man, you would not even question what you did as inappropriate. You protected your DD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess I'm in the minority, but I do think you overreacted a bit. Sounds like he was drunk and being foolish/overly friendly. I would have simply placed myself between him and her, and said she doesn't want to dance, thanks anyway. If he didn't back off at that point, I might have pushed him though!

I agree with you. I think OP over reacted. Pushing him and yelling at him? Way to cause a scene and probably not be invited to future parties.

Who cares about future parties?

The drunk guy didn’t take no for an answer. He stepped over the line when he grabbed the child’s arm. How, exactly, is that EVER okay?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Whether you acted appropriately of course depends on what precisely you did. All the people saying you were fine are making a lot of assumptions. That you may have lost friends indicates that you may have overreacted. Frankly, the absence of details in your post also suggests that you think you overreacted.

That is the part that concerns me, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess I'm in the minority, but I do think you overreacted a bit. Sounds like he was drunk and being foolish/overly friendly. I would have simply placed myself between him and her, and said she doesn't want to dance, thanks anyway. If he didn't back off at that point, I might have pushed him though!

If she were older like 16 or 17 I could see this. I think the fact the dd is just 11 led her to respond the way she did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whether you acted appropriately of course depends on what precisely you did. All the people saying you were fine are making a lot of assumptions. That you may have lost friends indicates that you may have overreacted. Frankly, the absence of details in your post also suggests that you think you overreacted.

That is the part that concerns me, too.

Yea, I don’t think we have the whole story.

[Anonymous]

It’s fine to protect your daughter from an adult man who was trying to get her to dance. You haven’t answered the question on what type of dance. Was he trying to get her to join everyone in a group electric slide? Chicken dance? This is different than trying to dance with her one on one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whether you acted appropriately of course depends on what precisely you did. All the people saying you were fine are making a lot of assumptions. That you may have lost friends indicates that you may have overreacted. Frankly, the absence of details in your post also suggests that you think you overreacted.

I don’t think I did... Let me just come out and say it. I basically pushed the guy away from her forcefully and said are you nuts?

Once again, OP, you’re being pretty vague. There’s a lot loaded in that “basically” - why don’t you just describe precisely what you said, what you did, and what happened afterwards?

It’s probably fictional, that’s why.

[Anonymous]

I guess I'm in the minority, but I do think you overreacted a bit. Sounds like he was drunk and being foolish/overly friendly. I would have simply placed myself between him and her, and said she doesn't want to dance, thanks anyway. If he didn't back off at that point, I might have pushed him though!

I agree. How would you have reacted if it was a woman trying to get her to dance? Obviously we don’t know the full context or creep factor, but it is totally possible this is a good guy who was viewing your daughter as a child and just wanted to get her involved in the fun/off her phone. I could totally imagine doing this with one of my kids, nieces, or nephews (not grabbing them, but trying to get them to engage). Stepping in to put a stop to it and support your daughter in setting boundaries was not a bad thing, but I see no reason to fly off the handle and I don’t think you modeled good behavior for your daughter. Saying no like you mean it is one thing. Assuming the worst about a friend, who really may have just clumsily been trying to get a child to have fun, and making my a scene like you did, is another. A much better response would have been to calming and assertively say “Bill, she said no. I’m sure you’re Intentions are good, but your behavoir is inappropriate. Please let her be.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess I'm in the minority, but I do think you overreacted a bit. Sounds like he was drunk and being foolish/overly friendly. I would have simply placed myself between him and her, and said she doesn't want to dance, thanks anyway. If he didn't back off at that point, I might have pushed him though!

If she were older like 16 or 17 I could see this. I think the fact the dd is just 11 led her to respond the way she did.

PP here. Actually, for me it would be the opposite. In this guess, I would assume he's just being friendly with a child (might even have daughters himself) and not assume anything sexual in his overture. In the case of a young woman, I would think it less appropriate. When I was 16, I had men ask me to dance and it was not innocent. I guess his tone would be key in both cases though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess I'm in the minority, but I do think you overreacted a bit. Sounds like he was drunk and being foolish/overly friendly. I would have simply placed myself between him and her, and said she doesn't want to dance, thanks anyway. If he didn't back off at that point, I might have pushed him though!

If she were older like 16 or 17 I could see this. I think the fact the dd is just 11 led her to respond the way she did.

PP here. Actually, for me it would be the opposite. In this guess, I would assume he's just being friendly with a child (might even have daughters himself) and not assume anything sexual in his overture. In the case of a young woman, I would think it less appropriate. When I was 16, I had men ask me to dance and it was not innocent. I guess his tone would be key in both cases though.

*case not guess

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess I'm in the minority, but I do think you overreacted a bit. Sounds like he was drunk and being foolish/overly friendly. I would have simply placed myself between him and her, and said she doesn't want to dance, thanks anyway. If he didn't back off at that point, I might have pushed him though!

If she were older like 16 or 17 I could see this. I think the fact the dd is just 11 led her to respond the way she did.

I'd be more concerned if it were a 16 or 17 year old. I could see an overly friendly drunk guy thinking the 11 year old wasn't having fun at an adult party and trying to make her dance to have fun. Still completely inappropriate to grab her, but it could have been misguided trying to make her have fun. Maybe the other people at the party saw this was the situation and thought OP was getting caught up in the #METOO movement and overreacting. That could be the explanation of why she would lose friends. Having said that, OP, it's your daughter and you can protect her as you see fit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whether you acted appropriately of course depends on what precisely you did. All the people saying you were fine are making a lot of assumptions. That you may have lost friends indicates that you may have overreacted. Frankly, the absence of details in your post also suggests that you think you overreacted.

That is the part that concerns me, too.

Well, I contacted the husband and apologized for my role and he said don’t worry but I think this more impacts another household member who invited the guest. Haven’t had any further communication in about a week. My absence of details is my attempt at not outing individuals.