Man wanting to dance with daughter

[Anonymous]

Hey, folks. When you don’t respect a girl’s autonomy, and when you defend a strange man for grabbing her arm and trying to force her to dance, you’re part of the problem. It’s astonishing that people keep making excuses for him.

Girls aren’t here to please and placate drunk men or sober men. Jesus Christ.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m just trying to understand why an adult male would even approach a minor or even a young woman to dance WTF! Seriously OP if you lost friends over it...good riddance. I would have done similar, possibly worse!

The guy clearly had had a few and was trying to dance with every woman there and had been pulling ladies onto the floor (over-eagerly) all night.

Alcohol makes people more of who they really are - it shows you their true colors. That man is a sick creeper and would never be allowed near my family ever again. And I would tell others.

Completely agree with this. He showed his true creepy colors. OP you were exactly right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I guess I'm in the minority, but I do think you overreacted a bit. Sounds like he was drunk and being foolish/overly friendly. I would have simply placed myself between him and her, and said she doesn't want to dance, thanks anyway. If he didn't back off at that point, I might have pushed him though!

I agree. How would you have reacted if it was a woman trying to get her to dance? Obviously we don’t know the full context or creep factor, but it is totally possible this is a good guy who was viewing your daughter as a child and just wanted to get her involved in the fun/off her phone. I could totally imagine doing this with one of my kids, nieces, or nephews (not grabbing them, but trying to get them to engage). Stepping in to put a stop to it and support your daughter in setting boundaries was not a bad thing, but I see no reason to fly off the handle and I don’t think you modeled good behavior for your daughter. Saying no like you mean it is one thing. Assuming the worst about a friend, who really may have just clumsily been trying to get a child to have fun, and making my a scene like you did, is another. A much better response would have been to calming and assertively say “Bill, she said no. I’m sure you’re Intentions are good, but your behavoir is inappropriate. Please let her be.”

But dancing man has never met OP or his DD. Totally different.

[Anonymous]

Good job, Dad. Really.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hey, folks. When you don’t respect a girl’s autonomy, and when you defend a strange man for grabbing her arm and trying to force her to dance, you’re part of the problem. It’s astonishing that people keep making excuses for him.

Girls aren’t here to please and placate drunk men or sober men. Jesus Christ.

The question isn’t where the other guy was appropriate - he wasn’t. The question OP asked was whether he overreacted. Based on how he is dribbling out information, it sounds like he thinks he did. I get not wanting to be outed, but there’s really no way to answer the question without more information.

Remember, one can think the other guy was a dick, and OP was right to intervene, *and also* still believe he overreacted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You taught your daughter that that kind of behavior was not okay OP! Good for you and great for her!

This, exactly. Culturally we worry way too much about keeping men comfortable at the expense of women. You taught your daughter a lesson she will never forget. Nobody can touch her without permission.

Yes. And this is why OP's reaction was fine. Saying it was an overreaction just reinforces the problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How many drinks did you have, OP?

Valid question. We all had been drinking. But this was an extremely light day for me. Not a factor at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hey, folks. When you don’t respect a girl’s autonomy, and when you defend a strange man for grabbing her arm and trying to force her to dance, you’re part of the problem. It’s astonishing that people keep making excuses for him.

Girls aren’t here to please and placate drunk men or sober men. Jesus Christ.

The question isn’t where the other guy was appropriate - he wasn’t. The question OP asked was whether he overreacted. Based on how he is dribbling out information, it sounds like he thinks he did. I get not wanting to be outed, but there’s really no way to answer the question without more information.

Remember, one can think the other guy was a dick, and OP was right to intervene, *and also* still believe he overreacted.

What info are you looking for?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you a woman? And did you push him so hard he fell onto the ground? That’s a lot of force.

But generally the guy was out of line and deserved to be yelled at. Just not sure about thrown to the ground.

Yeah, this whole thread it has been assumed that I was a woman but I’m definitely a guy.

Why do you care what these “friends” think? Seriously. Your DD thinks you are her hero. Just let it go.

[Anonymous]

OP's intention was correct but the circumstances didn't warrant the degree of physical force he applied. Regardless, OP was right in that he needed to show his daughter that no means no.

[Anonymous]

I don’t understand why posters are harping on the type of dance.
It doesn’t matter.
Some dude thought it was fine to put his hands on a girl ( I don’t care how old she is) and make her do something.

Umm no. Just no. She said. So no.

Op, maybe you got immediately physical, but I’m not sure that’s a bad thing. Girls are CONSTANTLY being given subtle (and not subtle) messages that their place is to make others happy. Especially men. You made it very clear. She gets to decide.

Also, I’d be pissed if someone did this to a boy as well. The difference is the societal messages boys and girls receive. It’s really crucial we bring this home to girls when they are young.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess I'm in the minority, but I do think you overreacted a bit. Sounds like he was drunk and being foolish/overly friendly. I would have simply placed myself between him and her, and said she doesn't want to dance, thanks anyway. If he didn't back off at that point, I might have pushed him though!

I agree with you. I think OP over reacted. Pushing him and yelling at him? Way to cause a scene and probably not be invited to future parties.

Um. Good? So that others are aware of the gross creepy man and can stay away from him? It sounds like HE is the one who should not be invited to future parties. Hopefully the "scene" gives others a heads up. And if not, I'd verbally spread others to keep their kids away from the scumbag.

And it has nothing to do with being drunk and foolish - alcohol is just an unfiltered version of who someone really is.

[Anonymous]

I think more people need to react the way OP did. Some people here think it is an overreaction because society has taught us that. Be polite. Don’t hurt a man’s ego. Enough is enough. Good for you, OP. You daughter your DD a valuable lesson at a formative time in her life. Was your wife there? What did she think?

[Anonymous]

Is he from another culture? Often this might happen when adults think dancing is fund and kids are too shy to dance, as long as it is not violent grabbing. In many countries, parents will try to get the kids to dance at such events, of on holidays where there is a band and dancing, like at beach vacation in the evenings when there is nice entertainment. Honestly, OP, you were there, was this somewhat innocent, or was this inappropriate? Moms know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s fine to protect your daughter from an adult man who was trying to get her to dance. You haven’t answered the question on what type of dance. Was he trying to get her to join everyone in a group electric slide? Chicken dance? This is different than trying to dance with her one on one.

This was definitely a one on one dance.

One on one slow dance? And he is not family? I take back if he is from another culture, this is a pervert.