asked visiting SIL to take Lyft from airport and caused much drama...

[Anonymous]

SIL is a rude drama queen. if you are arriving at the airport at a time where your host would have to get up at 4:30 am to come get you, even if they offer to do it, it's incredibly rude to actually take them up on it.

[Anonymous]

It happened. Apologies. $40. Move on, not another word, time to forget it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You had 2 adults in the home?

Why couldn't one of you gone to pick up SIL?

And by 1 years old, a baby generally sleeps in at least a 6 hour block of time. It is not like you have a newborn nursing every 3 hours.

Frankly, the sleep thing probably sounded like a cop out given the age of your baby.

Maybe apologize to SIL under the guise of "new parents". A direct apology might go a long way towards mending fences.

There's nothing wrong with paying for a driver to pick up a relative. Getting to an airport at an inconvenient hour is a pain, and a trained professional is often better at transporting people. You sound like you lack both empathy and perspective.

In an emergency, yes.

A scheduled visit? You go pick up family.

OPs husband should have gotten her sister she paid a lot of money to fly in for a weekend.

They owe her an apology

No, the SIL owes the apology. There is zero reason for family to greet you at the airport when a service or Uber can do the same job, and to hold a grudge a year later over this is absolutely ridiculous of the SIL.

You are absolutely wrong. Your approach is absolutely selfish and inhospitable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No wonder so many of you can’t keep a man for long. Op, if I were your SIL, I wouldn’t come visit you again for many years.

You sound like an entitled selfish brat. They paid for the ride... why expect someone to set an alarm at 5am to pick your ass up? They paid for it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think families are just different. Some here see a visitor as a nuisance - there attitude is fine, as long as I don't have to lift a finger and do anything for you...then great visit. If you want to use your time and money to come here, that is your choice, don't expect me to be appreciative.

Other people see family and friends and visitors very differently.

In my family we always pick each other up at the airport. The idea of 'find your own way to our house if you want to come' is foreign to us. It sounds like OPs DH also comes from a family that has stronger bonds and appreciates visits and OP just sees having to entertain her SIL as a nuisance

We also do other things for each other, we do give time and money towards each other - and it is reciprocal. You are flying there and spending money to see us, we appreciate that so we will do x and y for you.

There are a lot of people who truly feel they should never do anything for anyone else. That their own needs and wants are all that matters and they feel entitled to be as self centered as they want to be.

You nailed it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sister has five kids and lives in another city (well, the suburbs of another city). I think it would be terribly inconsiderate to ask her or my BIL to drive into the city to pick me up at the airport. Their lives are hectic, even with most of the kids involved in the same stuff.

Maybe some people expect family to cater to their every need when they visit. I like making their lives easier when I visit, not harder.

+1 I'm very close with my family and love to visit them and have them visit me. I don't expect my parents who are having health issues to pick me up at the airport, I wouldn't ask my sister to do it in the middle of her work day, and I don't expect it of my brother who has two toddlers at any time. If they offer, want to move their schedule around, great, but that's a bonus and I'd never hold it against them if they couldn't swing it. Similarly, if they fly to DC, they ASK if I can pick up or if they should get a car regardless of what airport they are going to. And I know if my sister flew into BWI at 6am while I'm in Arlington and had a baby at home, she wouldn't even ask, she'd just get an Uber because we are all considerate of each other and don't consider the airport pick up a test of our love.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No wonder so many of you can’t keep a man for long. Op, if I were your SIL, I wouldn’t come visit you again for many years.

You sound like an entitled selfish brat. They paid for the ride... why expect someone to set an alarm at 5am to pick your ass up? They paid for it!

Unless you are really poor (you must be), not everything is about money!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:she (single, mid 30s) arrived 6 a.m. on redeye from west coast to BWI on sat morning to visit us for a long weekend and we had a 1 year old and were working on very little sleep.
i suggested she take a Lyft and said we'll pay for it. much resentment and bitterness followed and tainted the weekend and beyond. she did do as we asked and we did give her cash.
but a year later it still seems to cast a shadow on family interactions, esp traveling to see each other... DH is really bitter my suggestion now i wish i never suggested it. he's her only sib and they're close.
just venting...

Good lord, this is problematic a YEAR later in your family? Why didn’t your husband just go pick her up already?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Yeah I gather she is pissed since she forked over money and long weekend and effort to see us. And yes their parents are immigrants with high family cohesiveness as part of the culture. (But they're born and raised here.)
And yes DH said he'll just go get her and I said don't be silly you haven't slept in days she will be fine in a Lyft what's the big deal BWI from Arlington is 1 hour. aaaaand that's where I went wrong...

Yes, that’s where you went wrong. I doubt you used the language that you mention above ‘silly’ or or husband wouldn’t be mad. You essentially made him choose:you or her.

Live and learn op. Not w you have to make up for the ground you list.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think families are just different. Some here see a visitor as a nuisance - there attitude is fine, as long as I don't have to lift a finger and do anything for you...then great visit. If you want to use your time and money to come here, that is your choice, don't expect me to be appreciative.

Other people see family and friends and visitors very differently.

In my family we always pick each other up at the airport. The idea of 'find your own way to our house if you want to come' is foreign to us. It sounds like OPs DH also comes from a family that has stronger bonds and appreciates visits and OP just sees having to entertain her SIL as a nuisance

We also do other things for each other, we do give time and money towards each other - and it is reciprocal. You are flying there and spending money to see us, we appreciate that so we will do x and y for you.

There are a lot of people who truly feel they should never do anything for anyone else. That their own needs and wants are all that matters and they feel entitled to be as self centered as they want to be.

You nailed it!

Agreed. Pp nailed it.

Our family is the ‘pick up at the airport regardless of the time because we appreciate the efforts and expense you already made’ family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Yeah I gather she is pissed since she forked over money and long weekend and effort to see us. And yes their parents are immigrants with high family cohesiveness as part of the culture. (But they're born and raised here.)
And yes DH said he'll just go get her and I said don't be silly you haven't slept in days she will be fine in a Lyft what's the big deal BWI from Arlington is 1 hour. aaaaand that's where I went wrong...

Yes, that’s where you went wrong. I doubt you used the language that you mention above ‘silly’ or or husband wouldn’t be mad. You essentially made him choose:you or her.

Live and learn op. Not w you have to make up for the ground you list.

I'm a PP. This is ridiculous. OP's husband would have been choosing himself rather than the sister, which is what he did. Just because OP voiced her opinion doesn't make it her fault. Did she tie him down so he couldn't go? Then it's his own fault.

OP should say good riddance to the drama queen and let the husband handle it from now on (which is really her biggest mistake- he should have handled it to begin with).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think families are just different. Some here see a visitor as a nuisance - there attitude is fine, as long as I don't have to lift a finger and do anything for you...then great visit. If you want to use your time and money to come here, that is your choice, don't expect me to be appreciative.

Other people see family and friends and visitors very differently.

In my family we always pick each other up at the airport. The idea of 'find your own way to our house if you want to come' is foreign to us. It sounds like OPs DH also comes from a family that has stronger bonds and appreciates visits and OP just sees having to entertain her SIL as a nuisance

We also do other things for each other, we do give time and money towards each other - and it is reciprocal. You are flying there and spending money to see us, we appreciate that so we will do x and y for you.

There are a lot of people who truly feel they should never do anything for anyone else. That their own needs and wants are all that matters and they feel entitled to be as self centered as they want to be.

Nope. People don't think they should have to do things for someone else that a FULLY GROWN ASS ADULT should be able to do for themselves. Just like the OP doesn't expect the SIL to pick her up at the airport. Enough with this co-dependent BS. Learn to do things for yourself.

Your post makes me sad. It would be strange for me to never ever do anything for another adult because they can do it themselves. You've never made a meal for other adults cause GROWN ASS ASULTS CAN MAKE THEIR OWN MEALS. you've never given anyone ride because GROWN ASS ADULTS CAN FIND THEIR OWN TRANSPORTATION. Your life is actually one I can't relate to at all. The IDE aid beer doing anything for anyone else because it is something they can do them selves just seems so sad. You should try it sometime. Do something for someone even though they could do it themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Yeah I gather she is pissed since she forked over money and long weekend and effort to see us. And yes their parents are immigrants with high family cohesiveness as part of the culture. (But they're born and raised here.)
And yes DH said he'll just go get her and I said don't be silly you haven't slept in days she will be fine in a Lyft what's the big deal BWI from Arlington is 1 hour. aaaaand that's where I went wrong...

Yes, that’s where you went wrong. I doubt you used the language that you mention above ‘silly’ or or husband wouldn’t be mad. You essentially made him choose:you or her.

Live and learn op. Not w you have to make up for the ground you list.

I'm a PP. This is ridiculous. OP's husband would have been choosing himself rather than the sister, which is what he did. Just because OP voiced her opinion doesn't make it her fault. Did she tie him down so he couldn't go? Then it's his own fault.

OP should say good riddance to the drama queen and let the husband handle it from now on (which is really her biggest mistake- he should have handled it to begin with).

All I can say is that I completely disagree. No need to respond, we will never see this the same way.

[Anonymous]

maybe someday she'll have kids and then she'll get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think families are just different. Some here see a visitor as a nuisance - there attitude is fine, as long as I don't have to lift a finger and do anything for you...then great visit. If you want to use your time and money to come here, that is your choice, don't expect me to be appreciative.

Other people see family and friends and visitors very differently.

In my family we always pick each other up at the airport. The idea of 'find your own way to our house if you want to come' is foreign to us. It sounds like OPs DH also comes from a family that has stronger bonds and appreciates visits and OP just sees having to entertain her SIL as a nuisance

We also do other things for each other, we do give time and money towards each other - and it is reciprocal. You are flying there and spending money to see us, we appreciate that so we will do x and y for you.

There are a lot of people who truly feel they should never do anything for anyone else. That their own needs and wants are all that matters and they feel entitled to be as self centered as they want to be.

Nope. People don't think they should have to do things for someone else that a FULLY GROWN ASS ADULT should be able to do for themselves. Just like the OP doesn't expect the SIL to pick her up at the airport. Enough with this co-dependent BS. Learn to do things for yourself.

I make a point to ignore advice offered by DCUM posters who use the phrase "grown ass." it's gross and is a red flag that indicates someone who's uneducated, immature, selfish or all of these things. All bad traits.