asked visiting SIL to take Lyft from airport and caused much drama...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My family is from the south. I never invite someone to my house and not offer them food. My husband's family is from new York, they will have you over for hours and basically starve you out. It's the difference between a hospital person and one who isn't.

Ever notice how overweight Southerners are and NYers are NOT? Maybe it's time to stop forcing food on visitors all the time.

My Italian grandmother is a lifelong New Yorker. EVERYONE who walks through the door is too skinny and needs to eat. It’s overwhelming.

You all have some weird stereotypes.

[Anonymous]

I pick up / drop off when at all possible and otherwise make sure that my guests have an option that is comfortable for them. When I'm the visit, I love pickups but am happy to use public transportation or whatever--as long as it is a safe option that doesn't involve too much waiting around.

As host, I LOVE early pickups / dropoffs--as opposed to during rush hour or during the workday. Yes, I have to get up early, but there's much less traffic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like a cultural difference. I would never tell a visiting family member to take a cab or uber. Most minority cultures are like that. Still not you fault, your husband should have known better and explained it to you when you made the suggestion. You and the baby should not even have been involved. I'm on a mixed culture marriage. The same thing happens when it comes to houseguest, taking care of families etc. I just expect more out of adults.

Midwestern white here.

No one where I am from would ever do what OP and "grown ass" would do either.

I think it is a DC thing.

This is a very selfish, self centered, entitled area and has been for many years, at least the past 10 years (before the orange guy)

I'm also a white midwesterner who has lived in DC for the last 15 years. When I'm in the midwest, my family are happy for me to take a car from O'Hare to their place in the suburbs. They COULD come get me and drop me off, but we all know that the 1/2 hour I spend in the car with them is only half their trip. Why would I want to inconvenience my family member in Chicago traffic if there is another option? When my family come visit me here, they make a point of (a) flying into the airport that is most convenient for us (so DCA or Dulles because we live on the western side of DC - not BWI which takes at least an hour to get to) and (b) taking Lyft to/from the airport. My mom comes here from the west coast on redeyes pretty regularly. She flies into Dulles, takes a Lyft to our house, and by the time she arrives, we have a nice breakfast ready for her after she's freshened up from the flight. That we rely on Lyft to provide ground transportation rather than driving 45 minutes there + 45-90 minutes back says nothing about our family bonds or courtesy.

If you need your family to suffer through sh*tty DC traffic for hours to pick you up at the airport in order to know that they care about you, it sounds like your family has some issues.

I'm a white and from Indiana. When we're at the Indianapolis airport, we do pick up/drop offs because it's easy to get in/out of the airport, they've got a great 'cell phone' waiting lot and traffic in Indianapolis is nothing compared to here. When people (including me) are flying into IAD/DCA/BWI, it's Uber or metro. Even my relatives still living on a farm have no problem with it. Of course, we value practicality and know that an airport pick up/drop off is not a reflection of the love and esteem our family has for us.

Similar. It's nice when someone picks you up from the airport. But if they don't do so, it doesn't mean they don't care about you. People are making way too much out of this.

[Anonymous]

I would have picked my only sibling up at any time of the day. They have already spent money flying to see you. Your DH should not have listened to your dumb, whiny, controlling a**.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the real question here is why can your one year old not sleep through the night yet?

And why is your one year old such a bad sleeper that both you and your husband are up all night, every night, to the point that (as OP said earlier) neither one of you have slept in days?

One year olds do not nurse every few hours and generally sleep a solid block of time at night.

If your one year old was still waking you up every few hours and crying through the night, then you really should have been speaking to your doctor because something was very wrong with her.

Also, if you gave your SIL a song and dance about how your husband could not pick her up because your toddler does not sleep through the night, and the kid slept a typical amount of time while SIL was there, you guys probably came off as lying to avoid being hassled.

Do you have a one year old? Having guests come means cleaning the house, readying the bed, buying food, all with the Tasmanian Devil whirling behind you undoing your prep.

I’m sure they were up late or early cleaning and prepping, and OP didn’t want to be a man down for those final hours to wrap things up.

Can you imagine if SIL has to wait for OP to make her bed?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I pick up / drop off when at all possible and otherwise make sure that my guests have an option that is comfortable for them. When I'm the visit, I love pickups but am happy to use public transportation or whatever--as long as it is a safe option that doesn't involve too much waiting around.

As host, I LOVE early pickups / dropoffs--as opposed to during rush hour or during the workday. Yes, I have to get up early, but there's much less traffic.

Do you have a baby? And are you sleep-deprived? Pay attention to OP's facts. They actually matter here. I would normally agree with you about traffic, but NOT when I had babies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would have picked my only sibling up at any time of the day. They have already spent money flying to see you. Your DH should not have listened to your dumb, whiny, controlling a**.

Do you not understand? The sibling was OP's husband's sister. So the husband should have picked her up.

[Anonymous]

You take someone to the airport, it's clearly the beginning of the relationship. that's why I have never taken anyone to the airport at the beginning of the relationship.

Why?

Because eventually things move on and you don't take someone to the airport and I never wanted anyone to say to me, "How come you never take me to the airport anymore?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting thread. FWIW, I’m from the south and it would never occur to me to NOT personally pick up a visiting sibling from the airport.....

I’m not from the South and I feel the same. Basic kindness and hospitality are lost in this microcosm of selfishness that is the DMV area.

I'm shocked that so many people insist on having the relative do a round trip at some horrible hour in the morning instead of accepting a PAID door to door Uber ride!!

So weird!! I guess it is good to realize that some people feel strongly about this so I won't make assumptions about it in the future...

But I honestly don't understand. SIL sounds selfish and petty.

I wonder what culture makes people think like her and like the quoted PPs

[Anonymous]

Too crazy that people get so upset about a free ride in an uber

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, convey to your DH that 1) being upset about it a full year later is over the top and 2) if he wants to, from now on he can do pickups arrangements however he pleases. If he and SIL are American born and educated, there has to be a way to reason with him.

Your post resonated with me because I am on the receiving end of the opposite - visiting DH's family overseas, where culturally they feel the need to pick us up from the airport. But also culturally, it's acceptable to be late, so we end up waiting about an hour every time after a 9 hour flight, it drives me up the wall every time...

LOL, same here about being on the receiving end. DH's family are immigrants (he was born here) and his mother is offended that we don't call someone in the family to drop off or pick up our family of five at the airport when we travel. She says we act like "strangers" or like "we don't have family" bc we either use long term parking or take a cab. In the early years, we tried to take them up on their offer and they were late or would show up with a car full of people so we didn't all fit (esp car seats!) etc, it was a stressful mess - but they acted like they were doing us some big favor! So much easier to take care of ourselves!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No wonder so many of you can’t keep a man for long. Op, if I were your SIL, I wouldn’t come visit you again for many years.

Stupidest response on this thread. Your an idiot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No wonder so many of you can’t keep a man for long. Op, if I were your SIL, I wouldn’t come visit you again for many years.

Stupidest response on this thread. Your an idiot.

Lol, for OP's sake, I do hope SIL doesn't visit again for many years. She sounds super spoiled and high maintenance. Not to mention, she went back and complained to her mommy about them paying for her Uber/Lyft?!

[Anonymous]

My DHs family from Midwest and always act like that. Really high maintance. Also they are never happy when visiting, high expectations and such.

[Anonymous]

People who cause drama - are going to cause drama. The particular issue is almost unimportant.