asked visiting SIL to take Lyft from airport and caused much drama...

[Anonymous]

OP here. Yeah I gather she is pissed since she forked over money and long weekend and effort to see us. And yes their parents are immigrants with high family cohesiveness as part of the culture. (But they're born and raised here.)
And yes DH said he'll just go get her and I said don't be silly you haven't slept in days she will be fine in a Lyft what's the big deal BWI from Arlington is 1 hour. aaaaand that's where I went wrong...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:she (single, mid 30s) arrived 6 a.m. on redeye from west coast to BWI on sat morning to visit us for a long weekend and we had a 1 year old and were working on very little sleep.
i suggested she take a Lyft and said we'll pay for it. much resentment and bitterness followed and tainted the weekend and beyond. she did do as we asked and we did give her cash.
but a year later it still seems to cast a shadow on family interactions, esp traveling to see each other... DH is really bitter my suggestion now i wish i never suggested it. he's her only sib and they're close.
just venting...

She flew 5-6 hours on redeye to see her family and you/your DH couldn't get her? I can see why she is upset.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Yeah I gather she is pissed since she forked over money and long weekend and effort to see us. And yes their parents are immigrants with high family cohesiveness as part of the culture. (But they're born and raised here.)
And yes DH said he'll just go get her and I said don't be silly you haven't slept in days she will be fine in a Lyft what's the big deal BWI from Arlington is 1 hour. aaaaand that's where I went wrong...

Yes, that is where you overstepped. Your husband could have made his own decision though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Yeah I gather she is pissed since she forked over money and long weekend and effort to see us. And yes their parents are immigrants with high family cohesiveness as part of the culture. (But they're born and raised here.)
And yes DH said he'll just go get her and I said don't be silly you haven't slept in days she will be fine in a Lyft what's the big deal BWI from Arlington is 1 hour. aaaaand that's where I went wrong...

Yes, that is where you overstepped. Your husband could have made his own decision though.

Her husband didn't make his own decision. He looked at the situation as his wife presented it and as his sister presented it and chose not to drive in the middle of the night all the way out to BWI

it's ridiculous to be pissed about this in the first place and it's ridiculous to keep a grudge for over a year

[Anonymous]

I do not understand what is with getting picked up at the airport. Unless you are picking up a child who needs a car seat, I see zero reason why anyone should ever do this. It is incredibly easy and cheap to take a cab.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Yeah I gather she is pissed since she forked over money and long weekend and effort to see us. And yes their parents are immigrants with high family cohesiveness as part of the culture. (But they're born and raised here.)
And yes DH said he'll just go get her and I said don't be silly you haven't slept in days she will be fine in a Lyft what's the big deal BWI from Arlington is 1 hour. aaaaand that's where I went wrong...

Yes, that is where you overstepped. Your husband could have made his own decision though.

Her husband didn't make his own decision. He looked at the situation as his wife presented it and as his sister presented it and chose not to drive in the middle of the night all the way out to BWI

it's ridiculous to be pissed about this in the first place and it's ridiculous to keep a grudge for over a year

Right, because that's not the American way, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:she (single, mid 30s) arrived 6 a.m. on redeye from west coast to BWI on sat morning to visit us for a long weekend and we had a 1 year old and were working on very little sleep.
i suggested she take a Lyft and said we'll pay for it. much resentment and bitterness followed and tainted the weekend and beyond. she did do as we asked and we did give her cash.
but a year later it still seems to cast a shadow on family interactions, esp traveling to see each other... DH is really bitter my suggestion now i wish i never suggested it. he's her only sib and they're close.
just venting...

She flew 5-6 hours on redeye to see her family and you/your DH couldn't get her? I can see why she is upset.

Why on earth does she require her brother to pick her up?? She is a grown adult! If she can manage a flight from the west coast, why can’t she order an Uber? This makes no sense to me.

[Anonymous]

You live and you learn, OP. When it comes to high maintenance IL's, I've learned it's better to let DH manage and do whatever he wants to, even if I feel he's being taken advantage of by his leech family members. "Whatever you think it's best, love" is my normal response even when he asks me for my opinion, as inevitably I know it may come back on me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:she (single, mid 30s) arrived 6 a.m. on redeye from west coast to BWI on sat morning to visit us for a long weekend and we had a 1 year old and were working on very little sleep.
i suggested she take a Lyft and said we'll pay for it. much resentment and bitterness followed and tainted the weekend and beyond. she did do as we asked and we did give her cash.
but a year later it still seems to cast a shadow on family interactions, esp traveling to see each other... DH is really bitter my suggestion now i wish i never suggested it. he's her only sib and they're close.
just venting...

She flew 5-6 hours on redeye to see her family and you/your DH couldn't get her? I can see why she is upset.

Why on earth does she require her brother to pick her up?? She is a grown adult! If she can manage a flight from the west coast, why can’t she order an Uber? This makes no sense to me.

Because, in many cultures, life is more than about convenience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:she (single, mid 30s) arrived 6 a.m. on redeye from west coast to BWI on sat morning to visit us for a long weekend and we had a 1 year old and were working on very little sleep.
i suggested she take a Lyft and said we'll pay for it. much resentment and bitterness followed and tainted the weekend and beyond. she did do as we asked and we did give her cash.
but a year later it still seems to cast a shadow on family interactions, esp traveling to see each other... DH is really bitter my suggestion now i wish i never suggested it. he's her only sib and they're close.
just venting...

She flew 5-6 hours on redeye to see her family and you/your DH couldn't get her? I can see why she is upset.

Why on earth does she require her brother to pick her up?? She is a grown adult! If she can manage a flight from the west coast, why can’t she order an Uber? This makes no sense to me.

Immigrant here (fwiw, given the comments about it not being normal in other cultures), and I agree. She's mid-30's, for god's sake. You think she doesn't take uber/lyft everywhere she goes out there on the west coast?

[Anonymous]

Where is she living? People are so clueless when it comes to distances here.

[Anonymous]

I think she sounds like a baby OP. You said she was in her 30s which means she should be "in the know" about tech and how to use Uber/Lyft. If the person in question is a senior citizen, I would get it. (And, I'm 62 and I get my own "damn Lyfts".)

Your DH sounds passive/aggressive to me. How dare he blame you for not getting his sister! He's a baby too!

I made my 50 something year old sister figure out how to take buses from Dulles to Georgetown (because we couldn't get her and it was before LYft/Uber). Guess what? She did...no questions asked. She took the 5A to Rossyln and then got a bus from there to G'town.

So, I would sing one of my old kid songs to your DH..."baby,, baby stick your head in the gravy"...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:she (single, mid 30s) arrived 6 a.m. on redeye from west coast to BWI on sat morning to visit us for a long weekend and we had a 1 year old and were working on very little sleep.
i suggested she take a Lyft and said we'll pay for it. much resentment and bitterness followed and tainted the weekend and beyond. she did do as we asked and we did give her cash.
but a year later it still seems to cast a shadow on family interactions, esp traveling to see each other... DH is really bitter my suggestion now i wish i never suggested it. he's her only sib and they're close.
just venting...

She flew 5-6 hours on redeye to see her family and you/your DH couldn't get her? I can see why she is upset.

Why on earth does she require her brother to pick her up?? She is a grown adult! If she can manage a flight from the west coast, why can’t she order an Uber? This makes no sense to me.

Because, in many cultures, life is more than about convenience.

The martyrdom is astounding. A person who is in their mid 30s needs their brother for help getting from an airport to an apt but can perfectly get from their own apt to airport and one airport to another airport just fine? Riiiiight.

[Anonymous]

You and your husband didn’t seem particularly hospitable to her after she came out of her way to see you. Actions have consequences, as we are fond of saying around here.

Is the “drama” now that she doesn’t want to travel to see you again but you think she should because she’s single (why did you even include that in your description)?

[Anonymous]

We cover the cost of all airport pickups/drop offs for visiting relatives but refuse to do it ourselves. I would feel zero guilt over this. If I were her, I wouldn't have even let you pay.