Adult Daughter Situation - What Would You Do?

[Anonymous]

I suspect that, if they indeed have been raised amongst wealthier peers, that they are miffed that you two don’t continue to subsidize their apartment living now that they have graduated, decent jobs notwithstanding. You probably know this and thus continue to let them live as privileged house guests. Time for a new normal. If they have been living at home for a year, they should have saved enough for first and last months’ rent and a security deposit. They need to move out and start learning the value of a dollar by paying all of their own expenses but pooling their resources to afford an apartment, which might just be a one bedroom in this expensive county. Alternatively, they can afford a two bedroom with farther commutes in a less-desirable county. That’s what most twenty-somethings have to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our solution was to have DD prequalify for a mortgage she could afford on her own. She found a condo well below that amount. We put up the minimum amount to get her through closing (about $50,000) and now she’s on her own. Her mortgage payment is almost $1000 less than rent would be and now she’s able to save some money. It kept sanity in our relationships and we paid less than a year of her college bills. Nice if it works.

Also ridiculous. So - no one lets their kids grow up on their own anymore? $50,000??? I hope this grown up woman paid the taxes on that huge gift like she was legally required to.
Even if I had an extra $50,000 laying around I wouldn’t be giving it to my kid to ‘keep sanity in our relationship’ or any other reason except for maybe lifesaving medical treatment.

Np: she’s not required to pay taxes if it was part of the lifetime max, as submitted to the IRS by the parents.

[Anonymous]

Are these step daughters?

[Anonymous]

Your kids are spoiled and by spoiling them, you are stunting their ability to become normal adults. Stop & kick them out.

[Anonymous]

Give them a couple of months notice you are charging each rent. Maybe start with a lower amount than usual and then warn them there will be inflationary increases. You are going to have to walk them into this OP, especially if they are accustomed to being around peers with lots of money and/or family money. It's going to be a shock for them.

[Anonymous]

Their salary = where they can afford to live

Btw, that's NOT in your house. You are providing a lifestyle they can not afford, their salary does not afford. They will make better life long choices if they make decisions based on lifestyle THEY can provide for themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our solution was to have DD prequalify for a mortgage she could afford on her own. She found a condo well below that amount. We put up the minimum amount to get her through closing (about $50,000) and now she’s on her own. Her mortgage payment is almost $1000 less than rent would be and now she’s able to save some money. It kept sanity in our relationships and we paid less than a year of her college bills. Nice if it works.

Also ridiculous. So - no one lets their kids grow up on their own anymore? $50,000??? I hope this grown up woman paid the taxes on that huge gift like she was legally required to.
Even if I had an extra $50,000 laying around I wouldn’t be giving it to my kid to ‘keep sanity in our relationship’ or any other reason except for maybe lifesaving medical treatment.

Sigh. No one on the internet understands gift tax law.

[Anonymous]

OP, this is life giving you a hint: time to wean the daughters from the money boob.

You're creating monsters, who will go on to write in a thread like this one, "yeah, they let me live at home for free for years after college, but they didn't buy me a car when I asked and didn't even cover XYZ (downpayment, 100% of college costs, etc)." http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/737411.page

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our solution was to have DD prequalify for a mortgage she could afford on her own. She found a condo well below that amount. We put up the minimum amount to get her through closing (about $50,000) and now she’s on her own. Her mortgage payment is almost $1000 less than rent would be and now she’s able to save some money. It kept sanity in our relationships and we paid less than a year of her college bills. Nice if it works.

Also ridiculous. So - no one lets their kids grow up on their own anymore? $50,000??? I hope this grown up woman paid the taxes on that huge gift like she was legally required to.
Even if I had an extra $50,000 laying around I wouldn’t be giving it to my kid to ‘keep sanity in our relationship’ or any other reason except for maybe lifesaving medical treatment.

Sigh. No one on the internet understands gift tax law.

True. And I feel confident the proper IRS filings were made and that yes, this girl’s lifetime “free” gift limit of $12,000,000 is now reduced by $50,000.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our solution was to have DD prequalify for a mortgage she could afford on her own. She found a condo well below that amount. We put up the minimum amount to get her through closing (about $50,000) and now she’s on her own. Her mortgage payment is almost $1000 less than rent would be and now she’s able to save some money. It kept sanity in our relationships and we paid less than a year of her college bills. Nice if it works.

Also ridiculous. So - no one lets their kids grow up on their own anymore? $50,000??? I hope this grown up woman paid the taxes on that huge gift like she was legally required to.
Even if I had an extra $50,000 laying around I wouldn’t be giving it to my kid to ‘keep sanity in our relationship’ or any other reason except for maybe lifesaving medical treatment.

Sigh. No one on the internet understands gift tax law.

True. And I feel confident the proper IRS filings were made and that yes, this girl’s lifetime “free” gift limit of $12,000,000 is now reduced by $50,000.

Or potential loophole - mom or dad is co-owner of the shared bank account with DD so I assume money transferred from mom account 1 to account 2 is fine. Not a lawyer though so I could be wrong here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks and I agree with most of the comments. Yes, they now pay for both newer car's plus insurance pus cell phone bill, etc... And it's not really about the table although I am the one that bought it in the first place. Funny thing is, when she was telling us we needed to ask permission to use it, she was using our washing machine and dryer without asking also!

As for food, we still have to take into account what each will or won't eat every time we cook, yes just like little kids. And no, I don't think at the last minute anyone should decide to go get takeout when we've already been lead to believe they were eating with us.

They currently save a lot of their money so that's why we don't charge them anything. We don't need the rent/food money but as long as they save it for future living expenses we're ok with that. Them spending it on drinking and partying would be a different story.

When you bought the table, did you tell her that it was not a gift and that you were just loaning it to her? If you didn't clearly indicate that, one would assume you had gifted her the table. You should have asked to use it.

Washers/dryers are generally considered communal property when you live in a home. I would not expect my kids to ever ask to the washer/dryer.

You need to discuss with them your expectations regarding meals.

This is straight nonsense. I wish I would have told my dad that he needed to ask my permission to use something that he paid for in the first place. Half of yall are out here raising brats, but it doesn't surprise me.