weigh in on dad's friend/teen drama at family gathering

[Anonymous]

Why we’re these grown men even talking about teen girls dating lives? Why doe Friend wonder about her sexuality? Really creepy.

And I agree that she will remember her dad’s reaction and it will certainly be a wedge in their relationship now. He’ll have to deal with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How could the girl possibly respond other than to tell him off?

All simple, "I don't care to discuss that, Mr. Friend. But on the topic of social lives, ____? (change the topic with a question that gives him an opening to discuss some mutual acquaintance, one of his kids, or an event he went to recently)"

Then she can excuse herself as soon as a natural break in the conversation arises.

Learning to deflect intrusive questions gracefully and set boundaries in social interactions while minimizing any awkwardness and keeping the conversation flowing is a useful skill for young people to develop, as it would serve anyone well throughout life.

Yes, learning to deflect is a skill people should learn.

But also, learning to absorb an unhappy response to a misfired joke is also a skill people should learn.

Your answer is stupid because it continues a conversation that has no reasonable continuation. "I think my mom is calling. Bye." Is also deflection.

[Anonymous]

I don't see why this is entitled "Teen drama". This has nothing to do with someone being a teen.

If someone asked me as an adult why I didn't have a boy friend, was I a lesbian? I'd respond the same way. What a rude question!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The friend was an insensitive jerk, and the father was wrong for not defending his daughter against his own friend's ruse comments. However, I do think it was reasonable for the father to have told off the daughter for snapping. That wouldn't fly in our house either: we have high standards for how our children are expected to interact with adults, in a way she was a host or at age 16 at least sort of a representative of her parents who were the hosts of this guest, and byou that age she should have or be really working on developing the social skills to show grace under fire in such situations.

Are you crazy???? I'm old school to the heart, but I do not allow men to talk to my daughter any way they want!!! That man had no business in a teen's romantic business, what he said was inappropriate and insensitive and out of line. Unless the girl cursed him out, she was perfect in her response. I DO NOT teach my daughter to be more gracious and submissive to men in their feelings by disregarding herself and own self respect. You need to get a grip!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That wouldn't fly in our house either: we have high standards for how our children are expected to interact with adults.

But you don't have high standards for how adults you invite into your home are allowed to interact with your children?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The friend was an insensitive jerk, and the father was wrong for not defending his daughter against his own friend's ruse comments. However, I do think it was reasonable for the father to have told off the daughter for snapping. That wouldn't fly in our house either: we have high standards for how our children are expected to interact with adults, in a way she was a host or at age 16 at least sort of a representative of her parents who were the hosts of this guest, and byou that age she should have or be really working on developing the social skills to show grace under fire in such situations.

I think she did handle it with grace by telling the friend he was insensitive.

No reason why if friend acts like a jackass a 16 year old can’t call him on it. It’s one thing to be respectful to adults, it’s another thing to teach your kids to just take it when they get treated like crap. Speaking up was allowable in this situation, IMHO.

Speaking up is allowable but at least in OP's telling, the way she said it was rude. She should have said "excuse me Mr. X, I don't care to discuss my dating life" or "excuse me, but that's my business and I'm not interested in discussing it." Still assertive, maybe even more so, but more socially correct on the surface.

That said, she's 16. If a parent's friend had asked me anything inappropriate about my love life when I was 16, I probably would have mumbled something and then fled to my room and cried.

Nope. Girls need to learn to speak like boys - fewer words, more punch. Don't perpetuate conventions that keep women down.

I agree with the PP who posted the more appropriate alternatives. Setting boundaries for what you, personally, are willing to do or discuss is a good thing. However, it really isn't appropriate for a teenage child to be basically chastising or passing judgment on any non-dangerous behavior of an adult.

And if "speaking like boys" means being blunt, abrupt, presumptuous, and rude then I think we need to be teaching boys better manners, not teaching girls to live down to poor examples.

So people can be out of line and you are not allowed to speak firmly and honestly to them? That is how kids get assaulted and molested and harrassased, that is how it is perpetuated in the workplace. shame on you.

[Anonymous]

This girl sounds awesome!

The dad's friend is rude and inappropriate, and the father is a huge disappointment.

[Anonymous]

Dad owes your child an apology. Sometimes we don't always think through our reactions - Dad likely just wanted to keep the peace with friend. Friend was WAY our of line and inappropriate.

[Anonymous]

Team teen daughter here. The men are awful and there was nothing wrong with telling dad's friend he was insensitive.

When I was in college, an old family friend (middle aged guy) asked if I had a boyfriend. I smiled at him and asked him "why, are you looking for a girlfriend?" That had the desired effect.

[Anonymous]

I think the daughter's response was perfect. She didn't flip out or cuss, she told him his question was inappropriate which it WAS.

Dad completely screwed up in this instance and owes his daughter an apology. Gross men need to be called on their sh*t and the best people to do it are men their age. My teenage niece is a lesbian but isn't out to our extended family. She has gotten similar comments from our older male relatives about no boyfriends = lesbians and believe me, when they "ask" about her being a lesbian for not having a boyfriend, they mean it as a pejorative. Thankfully, my BIL is a great dad and sticks up for his daughter and tells the relatives to stuff it.

[Anonymous]

Any update here from OP?

Apology from Dad? Friend?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The situation:

A sixteen year old girl, who has never had a boyfriend and who is sensitive about this, wanders into the room where her dad is sitting with his oldest friend. The friend has a wife and a daughter of his own, who is daughter's age. The friend looks at daughter and says, "So, Larla, why don't you have a boyfriend? Are you a lesbian?" And Larla snaps at the dad's friend that "what you're saying is really insensitive."

Dad tells off daughter for being rude to his friend.

I think the friend WAS insensitive. Daughter is embarrassed about not having a boyfriend, especially when around dad's friend's daughter, who is very popular at their school. Her father should have defended her, right?

Tell us what the kid really said because what you wrote did not come out of a 16 yo mouth.

Today's teens are, to borrow their phrase, very woke.

They do not hesitate to call out adults for being insensitive or homophobic or other -phobics.

My MIL made an insensitive comment about one of my daughter's friends at her grad party last week. I was not present for the comment, but I've heard from several people that my MIL said, after meeting my daughter's nonbinary best friend, "So I guess Larla is choosing to be a girl today since she's wearing a dress. Too bad she didn't also choose to shave her legs!" My son, who is 16, told his grandma that what she said was incredibly ignorant. My MIL took offense to being called ignorant, of course, and told my husband that my son needed to be punished. Once what happened was relayed back to both of us, including several adult and teen witnesses, we agreed with our son; MIL was being ignorant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Great girl, gross friend, pathetic father.

+100 - All true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Parents need to teach sensitive Larla to lighten up. By your own admission she's insecure about the fact that she has no boyfriend. Pandering to her insecurity, allowing her to believe that everyone should be handling her insecure little self with kid gloves is doing her no favors.

Parents like the PPs on this thread are why we have legions of snowflakes in college.

Parents need to learn how not to be rude assholes and think they're entitled to say anything that comes into their head. By OP's own admission, that's exactly what they did. Pandering to such boorish and rude behavior, allowing them to believe that everyone should be able to act that way and people should be expected to tolerate it, is doing them no favors.

Girl acted 100% appropriately.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, both men behaved like jerks and should be ashamed of themselves.

Typical immature male behavior.
No wonder more females are lesbians these days.