weigh in on dad's friend/teen drama at family gathering

[Anonymous]

How could the girl possibly respond other than to tell him off?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How could the girl possibly respond other than to tell him off?

I guess they were expecting her to blush bright red, stammer that she had to go do something and then go to bedroom and hide her head under her pillow....while they had a nice laugh at her expense.

But she didn't do that. Good for her!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How could the girl possibly respond other than to tell him off?

I guess they were expecting her to blush bright red, stammer that she had to go do something and then go to bedroom and hide her head under her pillow....while they had a nice laugh at her expense.

But she didn't do that. Good for her!

Which is exactly what I would have done, so I agree, good for her!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How could the girl possibly respond other than to tell him off?

Dump his beer on him?

[Anonymous]

Good for her, why should a 16 year old respond to a rude adult respectfully? There are so many tacky, insensitive, self centered thoughtless adults, you should be proud she defended herself.

I would hope that your husband doesn't remain friends with this jerk, I would not tolerate someone attacking my child like that anywhere, let alone my house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dad should have defended DD. I have a 16 yo that does not date.

I would say, there are many reasons why DD may choose not to date. Sexual orientation is her business, not your or mine. She is doing well in school, setting her up for a good future.

Yes, DD's dad needs to apologize to DD; he should have defended her. Girls need a male fan; it's developmental/hardwired. One of the best benefits of having a (great) dad around is that (on the whole, in general) girls tend to delve into sexual activity later on, because there is already a male fan in her life. Her male fan defends and protects her--"has her back." Sort of like attachment parenting, the parents are there, so the kid can be secure and go exploring. Anyways, the last thing a kid needs is the dad NOT defending her. It would have been better if that man was in the room withOUT the dad and said what he did, because then it wouldn't be the triple-whammy of having to receive that catty remark AND then not having her dad defend her AND then being forced to apologize for defending herself. Adult Male Snark followed by Dad-Double-Cross!

BTW I have a 15.5 y.o. and the other day she confided that she's going to be "sweet 16 and never been kissed," and I was so thrilled at hearing that. There are kids in her school that have been having sex for a couple years now. Her dad is strong in her life. There was a bump--last year she quit her sport, and we all didn't really notice that dad/daughter time was in the form of him driving her to/from her games, so over the last year, they haven't had a lot of duo time. So now dad is taking her out to dinner every week or two.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

BTW I have a 15.5 y.o. and the other day she confided that she's going to be "sweet 16 and never been kissed," and I was so thrilled at hearing that. There are kids in her school that have been having sex for a couple years now. Her dad is strong in her life. There was a bump--last year she quit her sport, and we all didn't really notice that dad/daughter time was in the form of him driving her to/from her games, so over the last year, they haven't had a lot of duo time. So now dad is taking her out to dinner every week or two.

Why were you so thrilled at hearing that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

BTW I have a 15.5 y.o. and the other day she confided that she's going to be "sweet 16 and never been kissed," and I was so thrilled at hearing that. There are kids in her school that have been having sex for a couple years now. Her dad is strong in her life. There was a bump--last year she quit her sport, and we all didn't really notice that dad/daughter time was in the form of him driving her to/from her games, so over the last year, they haven't had a lot of duo time. So now dad is taking her out to dinner every week or two.

Why were you so thrilled at hearing that?

this is part of that super weird and gross thing where Christian girls are passed from father to husband. See: purity balls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

BTW I have a 15.5 y.o. and the other day she confided that she's going to be "sweet 16 and never been kissed," and I was so thrilled at hearing that. There are kids in her school that have been having sex for a couple years now. Her dad is strong in her life. There was a bump--last year she quit her sport, and we all didn't really notice that dad/daughter time was in the form of him driving her to/from her games, so over the last year, they haven't had a lot of duo time. So now dad is taking her out to dinner every week or two.

Why were you so thrilled at hearing that?

this is part of that super weird and gross thing where Christian girls are passed from father to husband. See: purity balls.

I think PP was saying that she is glad that her daughter is not rushing into being sexually active and is comfortable enough in her own skin to do things at her own pace, when she's ready and with the right person.

That doesn't mean that she expects her daughter to wait until her wedding day to get her first kiss. Or at least that's the way I interpreted PP's comments.

[Anonymous]

I am sorry that the young girl didn't come up with a ruder response to this bully. He was being a D*%$K and deserved to be put in his place. Sadly, her own father was not up to the task. I can only hope there was a adult within earshot who shut this guy down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How could the girl possibly respond other than to tell him off?

I guess they were expecting her to blush bright red, stammer that she had to go do something and then go to bedroom and hide her head under her pillow....while they had a nice laugh at her expense.

But she didn't do that. Good for her!

This. Friend decided to have a laugh the daughter's expense and prove how superior his daughter is. Dad's friend is a jerk, but her dad is horrible.

Good for her for standing up for herself! Hopefully she will end up going off to college and rarely coming back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
And, when did dating become something that adults find desirable in teens?????

I have never met a dad of teen girls who is excited and proud of the idea of their daughter dating anyone.

Rudeness aside, that makes his behavior very weird too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How could the girl possibly respond other than to tell him off?

All simple, "I don't care to discuss that, Mr. Friend. But on the topic of social lives, ____? (change the topic with a question that gives him an opening to discuss some mutual acquaintance, one of his kids, or an event he went to recently)"

Then she can excuse herself as soon as a natural break in the conversation arises.

Learning to deflect intrusive questions gracefully and set boundaries in social interactions while minimizing any awkwardness and keeping the conversation flowing is a useful skill for young people to develop, as it would serve anyone well throughout life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How could the girl possibly respond other than to tell him off?

All simple, "I don't care to discuss that, Mr. Friend. But on the topic of social lives, ____? (change the topic with a question that gives him an opening to discuss some mutual acquaintance, one of his kids, or an event he went to recently)"

Then she can excuse herself as soon as a natural break in the conversation arises.

Learning to deflect intrusive questions gracefully and set boundaries in social interactions while minimizing any awkwardness and keeping the conversation flowing is a useful skill for young people to develop, as it would serve anyone well throughout life.

I don't know that I'd consider this an "intrusive" question. To me, that is something like asking about someone's weight gain, or how much income tax they pay, or whether they regularly take Dulcolax. An older man asking an underage girl about her dating life and commenting about her sexual orientation in her own house, in front of her parent, is on another level and does not deserve a graceful response. It's like taking a dump in the kitchen sink. If the dad had any decency, he should have told his "friend" he was a pervert and thrown him out of the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Parents need to teach sensitive Larla to lighten up. By your own admission she's insecure about the fact that she has no boyfriend. Pandering to her insecurity, allowing her to believe that everyone should be handling her insecure little self with kid gloves is doing her no favors.

Parents like the PPs on this thread are why we have legions of snowflakes in college.

So, if you were sensitive about something...your weight or if you got laid off than you think it is totally cool if someone makes fun of you? If you don't like t than you are a snowflake? Got it!

Btw, both men are jerks and 16 year old handled herself well. She was not rude in my opinion!