weigh in on dad's friend/teen drama at family gathering

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The situation:

A sixteen year old girl, who has never had a boyfriend and who is sensitive about this, wanders into the room where her dad is sitting with his oldest friend. The friend has a wife and a daughter of his own, who is daughter's age. The friend looks at daughter and says, "So, Larla, why don't you have a boyfriend? Are you a lesbian?" And Larla snaps at the dad's friend that "what you're saying is really insensitive."

Dad tells off daughter for being rude to his friend.

I think the friend WAS insensitive. Daughter is embarrassed about not having a boyfriend, especially when around dad's friend's daughter, who is very popular at their school. Her father should have defended her, right?

Tell us what the kid really said because what you wrote did not come out of a 16 yo mouth.

You don’t know any teenagers, do you?

[Anonymous]

Parents need to teach sensitive Larla to lighten up. By your own admission she's insecure about the fact that she has no boyfriend. Pandering to her insecurity, allowing her to believe that everyone should be handling her insecure little self with kid gloves is doing her no favors.

Parents like the PPs on this thread are why we have legions of snowflakes in college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The friend was an insensitive jerk, and the father was wrong for not defending his daughter against his own friend's ruse comments. However, I do think it was reasonable for the father to have told off the daughter for snapping. That wouldn't fly in our house either: we have high standards for how our children are expected to interact with adults, in a way she was a host or at age 16 at least sort of a representative of her parents who were the hosts of this guest, and byou that age she should have or be really working on developing the social skills to show grace under fire in such situations.

I think she did handle it with grace by telling the friend he was insensitive.

No reason why if friend acts like a jackass a 16 year old can’t call him on it. It’s one thing to be respectful to adults, it’s another thing to teach your kids to just take it when they get treated like crap. Speaking up was allowable in this situation, IMHO.

Speaking up is allowable but at least in OP's telling, the way she said it was rude. She should have said "excuse me Mr. X, I don't care to discuss my dating life" or "excuse me, but that's my business and I'm not interested in discussing it." Still assertive, maybe even more so, but more socially correct on the surface.

That said, she's 16. If a parent's friend had asked me anything inappropriate about my love life when I was 16, I probably would have mumbled something and then fled to my room and cried.

[Anonymous]

Do you have boys as well, op? Ask your husband how he would feel some woman at the party asked your son if he was "gay or something" when she learned he wasn't dating.

[Anonymous]

Daughter's response was reasonable and, if as quoted, not at all rude. Standards of social interaction don't mean you don't ever point out the inappropriateness of someone's behavior. It means you do it in a way that doesn't make you, too, guilty of boorishness. Pointing out that you find someone's question insensitive isn't boorish. If she had said "that question is insensitive and you are a jerk for asking", that would have warranted a rebuke from dad.

[Anonymous]

Someone in the daughter's life raised her right. Dad's friend was certainly inappropriate, made more so by the fact that it was a middle aged man saying this to a teen girl, which is just gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Someone in the daughter's life raised her right. Dad's friend was certainly inappropriate, made more so by the fact that it was a middle aged man saying this to a teen girl, which is just gross.

+1. The daughter’s response was the correct one. Her dad was a jerk,
too.

[Anonymous]

The daughter’s words were exactly the ones my daughter would have used if asked that question at 16. Anybody who is saying otherwise, or who is calling her out for saying what she did, is trolling.

She handled this perfectly. And her father is a major a$$hole. I hope she gives him a bag of rocks for Father’s Day.

— father of girls

[Anonymous]

Father’s friend is gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Parents need to teach sensitive Larla to lighten up. By your own admission she's insecure about the fact that she has no boyfriend. Pandering to her insecurity, allowing her to believe that everyone should be handling her insecure little self with kid gloves is doing her no favors.

Parents like the PPs on this thread are why we have legions of snowflakes in college.

You want to teach girls to lighten up when they get harassed? WAY TO GO. You are part of the problem. Hope karma gets you.

[Anonymous]

Dad should have defended DD. I have a 16 yo that does not date.

I would say, there are many reasons why DD may choose not to date. Sexual orientation is her business, not your or mine. She is doing well in school, setting her up for a good future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The friend was an insensitive jerk, and the father was wrong for not defending his daughter against his own friend's ruse comments. However, I do think it was reasonable for the father to have told off the daughter for snapping. That wouldn't fly in our house either: we have high standards for how our children are expected to interact with adults, in a way she was a host or at age 16 at least sort of a representative of her parents who were the hosts of this guest, and byou that age she should have or be really working on developing the social skills to show grace under fire in such situations.

I think she did handle it with grace by telling the friend he was insensitive.

No reason why if friend acts like a jackass a 16 year old can’t call him on it. It’s one thing to be respectful to adults, it’s another thing to teach your kids to just take it when they get treated like crap. Speaking up was allowable in this situation, IMHO.

Speaking up is allowable but at least in OP's telling, the way she said it was rude. She should have said "excuse me Mr. X, I don't care to discuss my dating life" or "excuse me, but that's my business and I'm not interested in discussing it." Still assertive, maybe even more so, but more socially correct on the surface.

That said, she's 16. If a parent's friend had asked me anything inappropriate about my love life when I was 16, I probably would have mumbled something and then fled to my room and cried.

Nope. Girls need to learn to speak like boys - fewer words, more punch. Don't perpetuate conventions that keep women down.

[Anonymous]

And, when did dating become something that adults find desirable in teens?????

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That girl is amazing and her response is perfect. The men suck.

Could not agree more!

[Anonymous]

The girl is awesome.

The father's friend is a turd, and the father is inexcusable for not defending his daughter.