Is there a non-offensive way to ask where someone’s ancestors are from?

[Anonymous]

Oh my lord this thread is painful. “Where is your family from originally?”

Not offensive. You are welcome
-Indian person married to black/Korean person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I grew up blonde and blue-eyed with parents from California in an East coast city where everyone was black, Nigerian, Kenyan, Hatian, Vietnemese, Hmong, Korean, Puerto Rican, Italian, Irish, Jewish, Polish, Ukranian, or some combination of some of those things.

People asked me where I was from All The Time. I soon learned California was not the answer they were looking for, and I was never offended.

I ask this question all the time because I like learning about people and places and other cultures. Ignoring difference--playing a game of "let's pretend it doesn't exist to show we are enlightened" is bullshit.

Yeah, I can't why POC feel differently about something than a white American does. It probably has to do with the fact that they are sensitive snowflakes who should be taking queues from a blonde haired, blue eyed white person about the meaning of race in this country. That's probably it!

SMDH

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh my lord this thread is painful. “Where is your family from originally?”

Not offensive. You are welcome
-Indian person married to black/Korean person.

We've been over this a million times on this forum. The first question is fine. But if you don't accept that friend says California for example and elaborates that is also where parents/grandparents are from, then it becomes a problem. The go-to for people who probe like this is the dreaded "where are you really from?" question. Because the questioner is insisting that you can't really be a Californian because of the way you look.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up blonde and blue-eyed with parents from California in an East coast city where everyone was black, Nigerian, Kenyan, Hatian, Vietnemese, Hmong, Korean, Puerto Rican, Italian, Irish, Jewish, Polish, Ukranian, or some combination of some of those things.

People asked me where I was from All The Time. I soon learned California was not the answer they were looking for, and I was never offended.

I ask this question all the time because I like learning about people and places and other cultures. Ignoring difference--playing a game of "let's pretend it doesn't exist to show we are enlightened" is bullshit.

Yeah, I can't why POC feel differently about something than a white American does. It probably has to do with the fact that they are sensitive snowflakes who should be taking queues from a blonde haired, blue eyed white person about the meaning of race in this country. That's probably it!

SMDH

So true, PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh my lord this thread is painful. “Where is your family from originally?”

Not offensive. You are welcome
-Indian person married to black/Korean person.

Yes this is the correct path - ask the actual question you actually want answered!



Trying to tiptoe around it and ask "Where are you from" is worse and can quickly get offensive if their answer of Maryland or Chicago isn't what you are actually interested in and you keep probing deeper.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh my lord this thread is painful. “Where is your family from originally?”

Not offensive. You are welcome
-Indian person married to black/Korean person.

We've been over this a million times on this forum. The first question is fine. But if you don't accept that friend says California for example and elaborates that is also where parents/grandparents are from, then it becomes a problem. The go-to for people who probe like this is the dreaded "where are you really from?" question. Because the questioner is insisting that you can't really be a Californian because of the way you look.

Funny "California" has come to mean, I am super sensitive about this question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't find OP's curiosity offensive. It's natural to want to know more about someone who's different from what we're used to. That said, someone who speaks with an accent (especially non-European or Aussie/NZ) might be self-conscious about it and if they get asked all the time where the accent comes from, then you can understand why they'd be weary of it already.

I agree that the info will probably reveal itself eventually in the normal course of chit chat.

And I'm giving a side eye to the posters who kept bashing East Asians/Chinese immigrants for their supposedly sensitive reactions to similar queries. Way to generalize and cast as "others."

Side eye back and lighten up Francis.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. No need to be hostile. I am about as pro-immigrant as it gets. But I know where all of my white and black friends are from. Where their parents live. Where they like to vacation. This is just normal chit chat when you are not worried about offending someone. Isn’t this just how new friends get to know each other? The girls seem to really really enjoy each other.

DA FUQ? Asking someone where there ancestors are from because you think u detect an accent is not how you get to know someone and normal conversation. I know plenty of people with accents and my kids have have made tons of friends and I never asked their parents this bullshi****

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh my lord this thread is painful. “Where is your family from originally?”

Not offensive. You are welcome
-Indian person married to black/Korean person.

Well this makes you the spokesperson for all POC

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are as close to this family as you think you are, it will come up naturally.

Or not.

Please consider that it is not your "right" to have every curiosity satisfied. That goes for ethnicity/nationality, visible and invisible disabilities, cross-racial adoption, how same sex families became parents, and literally everything else.

I notice that white Americans often think "I was just curious" is a good enough excuse to make other people justify themselves, or explain their families.

It isn't.

THISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Your nosey ass is not entitled to my info.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are as close to this family as you think you are, it will come up naturally.

Or not.

Please consider that it is not your "right" to have every curiosity satisfied. That goes for ethnicity/nationality, visible and invisible disabilities, cross-racial adoption, how same sex families became parents, and literally everything else.

I notice that white Americans often think "I was just curious" is a good enough excuse to make other people justify themselves, or explain their families.

It isn't.

THISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Your nosey ass is not entitled to my info.

People do this with transracially/internationally adopted kids all the time. Unless you are FROM the same place as my child's first family, or you also adopted from there, there is no good reason for your curiosity to trump my right to walk through the world without having to explain why my family looks the way it does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
"So where are you from, originally?"

I am half white european, half asian, have a mixed accent because I have lived in many different countries, and am not American.

IT IS FINE TO ASK.

Americans get offended for the most irrational of reasons. It makes your case against true racism and xenophobia far less strong when you tear each other apart over ridiculous cases of "cultural appropriation" and weird hang-ups against asking people where they're from.

What's important is your tone. Be warm and friendly.

+1

-signed an Asian American whose foreign DH gets asked this all the time and he's never offended.

Now, if you were to ask me even though I have no accent, I would say "I'm from <insert x state here>".. because that is where I am from. If you then proceed to ask me "no.. where are you *really* from", I will say, "oh, are you asking about my ethnicity?"... I will answer, "I'm <insert asian ethnicity here". Then I will say, "where are you *really* from". If they say, "from OH [for example]", then I would say, "no... where are you *really really* from".

Just ask people's ethnicity if you really want to know, but be prepared to answer yourself, and no, there is no such thing as an "American" ethnicity. If you don't know, just say, "i'm probably a European mut" because chances are, many white Americans are mixed European ethnicities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. No need to be hostile. I am about as pro-immigrant as it gets. But I know where all of my white and black friends are from. Where their parents live. Where they like to vacation. This is just normal chit chat when you are not worried about offending someone. Isn’t this just how new friends get to know each other? The girls seem to really really enjoy each other.

DA FUQ? Asking someone where there ancestors are from because you think u detect an accent is not how you get to know someone and normal conversation. I know plenty of people with accents and my kids have have made tons of friends and I never asked their parents this bullshi****

This is totally normal conversation everywhere in the world aside from some eager to be offended PC bubbles in the USA.

[Anonymous]

So if the person satisfies your curiosity and says, "Oh my family is originally from India" then what?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh my lord this thread is painful. “Where is your family from originally?”

Not offensive. You are welcome
-Indian person married to black/Korean person.

Well this makes you the spokesperson for all POC

DP... there are a lot of people who don't mind and find it ridiculous that people get offended over the smallest thing. I find that Americans are the most like this.

If a person has an accent, as in OP's scenario, why is it wrong to ask where they are from? Clearly, they are not from the US. You can be born to an American citizen, be an American citizen, but lived in a foreign country all your life with a foreign accent. I know someone like this. He gets asked all the time.. "where are you from", because with an accent clearly he's not from here, and people are just curious where he came from. They are not asking how much money he makes; what size shoe he wears. Those are very personal questions. But asking where he came from because of his accent is not a personal question. It's like asking a white person with no accent, "did you grow up around here"? That's not offensive so why is asking someone with a non American accent this same question so offensive?

My DH is not from here. He has an accent. He gets asked this all the time. Now, if you ask this question to someone who is not white and doesn't have an accent and expect them to tell you their ethnicity because you are assuming such a person is not American, then that's offensive.