Is there a non-offensive way to ask where someone’s ancestors are from?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well. Many white people love to tell you about their Irish or English ancestry. Italians love to tell you about their grandmother from Italy.

It’s sad someone who is non white has to be ashamed of their heritage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is in 4th grade and this year has gotten close to a friend who is non white/black/Hispanic. The girl speaks perfect English and I’m pretty sure was born here or came very young. The mother speaks with a slight accent. The girls have had a few play dates and are in the same class. My first guess is that someone in their family was originally from India, but I’m certainly no expert.

I’m curious to know what the family’s ethnicity is. (Is that even the right use of the word ethnicity?) The girl and her mother are very sweet and it just feels strange not to know this bit about them. I know not to ask “where are you from?” or anything like that. Is there a way I can ask to convey friendly curiosity? Normally, I might ask a new mom-friend “did you grow up in this area?” but I’m worried even that may be taken the wrong way.

Yes, it's pretty simple.

"Where Is your family from, originally"?

Signed,

Hispanic never tired of answering this question and used to many great human connections as a result of it

Sioux City, Iowa. But I don't think that's the answer you're looking for.

[Anonymous]

Okay, I just don't get what is offensive about asking someone with an obvious accent where they were born. One of my DC's friends has a mom with an obvious accent---I asked the friend where his mom was born and we had a great conversation about what language they speak at home, favorite foods, etc. Honestly, the friend is every bit as curious about our boring American household---we are the ones that seem foreign to the child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is in 4th grade and this year has gotten close to a friend who is non white/black/Hispanic. The girl speaks perfect English and I’m pretty sure was born here or came very young. The mother speaks with a slight accent. The girls have had a few play dates and are in the same class. My first guess is that someone in their family was originally from India, but I’m certainly no expert.

I’m curious to know what the family’s ethnicity is. (Is that even the right use of the word ethnicity?) The girl and her mother are very sweet and it just feels strange not to know this bit about them. I know not to ask “where are you from?” or anything like that. Is there a way I can ask to convey friendly curiosity? Normally, I might ask a new mom-friend “did you grow up in this area?” but I’m worried even that may be taken the wrong way.

Yes, it's pretty simple.

"Where Is your family from, originally"?

Signed,

Hispanic never tired of answering this question and used to many great human connections as a result of it

Sioux City, Iowa. But I don't think that's the answer you're looking for.

Tells me everything I need to know, thanks.

No need to waste time with further questions.

[Anonymous]

I am a white, Eastern European. I have Eastern European accent. I get asked by blacks, Asians, Indians, and whites: " Where are you from?". I find it offensive. I answer:" From NYC". Some don't get the message and press on further:"Where are you really from?" I find it infuriating. I answer:" I told you, NYC."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Okay, I just don't get what is offensive about asking someone with an obvious accent where they were born. One of my DC's friends has a mom with an obvious accent---I asked the friend where his mom was born and we had a great conversation about what language they speak at home, favorite foods, etc. Honestly, the friend is every bit as curious about our boring American household---we are the ones that seem foreign to the child.

Do you think it's offensive to ask people who use a wheelchair how come they use a wheelchair? (Not that I'm comparing speaking with an accent to using a wheelchair, other than that they're both aspects of a person about which you might be curious.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a white, Eastern European. I have Eastern European accent. I get asked by blacks, Asians, Indians, and whites: " Where are you from?". I find it offensive. I answer:" From NYC". Some don't get the message and press on further:"Where are you really from?" I find it infuriating. I answer:" I told you, NYC."

Um, why are you offended? You admit you have an accent, and you recognize that they are curious about your ethnicity. Why not tell them the country your family is originally from/whatever created your accent?

Someone asked me the origin of my last name just last week. Maybe that's a nicer way to ask?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a white, Eastern European. I have Eastern European accent. I get asked by blacks, Asians, Indians, and whites: " Where are you from?". I find it offensive. I answer:" From NYC". Some don't get the message and press on further:"Where are you really from?" I find it infuriating. I answer:" I told you, NYC."

Why do you find it offensive? And no, you are not from NYC. If you were “from” NYC, you would have a NY accent and not Eastern European accent. I immigrated from Russia many, many years ago, still have accent, still get asked “where are you from” constantly. Don’t find it offensive one bit. It is always asked in a very friendly way so I don’t see the reason for getting offended.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a white, Eastern European. I have Eastern European accent. I get asked by blacks, Asians, Indians, and whites: " Where are you from?". I find it offensive. I answer:" From NYC". Some don't get the message and press on further:"Where are you really from?" I find it infuriating. I answer:" I told you, NYC."

Why do you find it offensive? And no, you are not from NYC. If you were “from” NYC, you would have a NY accent and not Eastern European accent. I immigrated from Russia many, many years ago, still have accent, still get asked “where are you from” constantly. Don’t find it offensive one bit. It is always asked in a very friendly way so I don’t see the reason for getting offended.

Top PP: I'm from NYC.
You: No, you're not.

Um.

[Anonymous]

This addresses the question:

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=DWynJkN5HbQ

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a white, Eastern European. I have Eastern European accent. I get asked by blacks, Asians, Indians, and whites: " Where are you from?". I find it offensive. I answer:" From NYC". Some don't get the message and press on further:"Where are you really from?" I find it infuriating. I answer:" I told you, NYC."

Why do you have an Eastern European accent if you are from NYC?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a white, Eastern European. I have Eastern European accent. I get asked by blacks, Asians, Indians, and whites: " Where are you from?". I find it offensive. I answer:" From NYC". Some don't get the message and press on further:"Where are you really from?" I find it infuriating. I answer:" I told you, NYC."

You are not FROM New York City if you have an Eastern European accent. Sorry, you're just not. Nobody cares if you're Russian, Bosnian, Albanian or whatever but you're posing when you answer like this and shows that you're uncomfortable with your real heritage.

[Anonymous]

It is offensive always.

Also offensive:

“Why dont you have kids?”
“Why aren’t you married!”
“Did you kill someone while deployed?”
“It must have been hard growing up poor” (when you haven’t said anything about growing up poor)
“How do you think you got cancer?” (Right it must have been my fault)
“Did you ever shoot someone dead?” (To a police officer)
“How do you make ends meet?” (To an artist)
“Aren’t you lucky your spouse supports you?!” (To an artist, who never said anything of the sort)
“Have you tried a matchmaker?”
“Are you pregnant?”
“Did you use fertility treatments?”
“How’s breastfeeding going?” (Especially from a man)
“When are you going to give your Little One a sibling?!”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a white, Eastern European. I have Eastern European accent. I get asked by blacks, Asians, Indians, and whites: " Where are you from?". I find it offensive. I answer:" From NYC". Some don't get the message and press on further:"Where are you really from?" I find it infuriating. I answer:" I told you, NYC."

You are not FROM New York City if you have an Eastern European accent. Sorry, you're just not. Nobody cares if you're Russian, Bosnian, Albanian or whatever but you're posing when you answer like this and shows that you're uncomfortable with your real heritage.

+1.

Some folks just need to grow up.

[Anonymous]

Its only offensive if the person is easily offended. DH is foreign, non-white and people ask him ALL THE TIME. Great conversation starter.