Do you regret having just one kid?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have an 18 month old DD and initially hoped to have 2 or 3 kids. DD took a while, with miscarriages etc before she was born and she's a total delight. We are so, so happy and feel incredibly lucky we even got her. While we'd both still like to have another, we have minimal hope that it will happen naturally, and we certainly don't feel like our family is incomplete. We're happy with our lifestyle, our finances, our real estate options (we're in NYC and actually feel like we can stay with an only child). I know part of me will always be a bit sad that we couldn't have more kids, but, as a PP noted, we're happy with the life we have and actively choose to focus on the positives. I'd frankly have mixed emotions at this point if I found out I was pregnant. Thrilled, but terrified, given how comfortable I've gotten with the idea of one.

There seem to be more only children in the city, too, which helps. None of the isolation I sense from some single-child families I see on DCUM living in the suburbs surrounded by big families.

Just seconding this point. We live in DC, and there are lots of other only children. It's not unusual at all. If we were surrounded by big families, we might feel more odd-man-out, but we don't. And having just one allows us to living in a smaller space, enjoy the perks of an urban lifestyle, etc. And because we have just one, it's easier to facilitate our child's friendships. She's really social and outgoing, and it's much easier, logistically, for us to arrange playdates and activities.

You have to understand that New Yorkers always think everything they do is unique to NY. It’s hard for them to consider that other cities also contain a larger number of only children.

Oh and also: everyone outside of NYC is uneducated, poor, and boorish. No one is cultured; we pretty much eat at Applebee’s and think it’s high class cuisine.

Huh? OP of this thread here. I am under no impression that the only child in the city thing is unique to New York City. I guess I should have written "There seem to be more only children in any city, too, which helps" but, man, your inferiority complex is really showing! I spent a considerable amount of time in DC proper. It's a great place and I'd consider moving back if my family wasn't closer to where I am now.

[Anonymous]

No. Feel lucky IVF finally worked and we have a healthy baby. Not what we planned, but thrilled.

[Anonymous]

Uggg. This is such a hard decision. We are in the midst sid it too. We have one who is fun and easy-ish. Our lives are nice and not stressful.

My reasons for wanting another are:

1. We are older parents and it’s not unlikely that we will be gone before our kid finds a partner. It stresses me out to think we could be gone and she could have no family at all in the world. I want her to have a sibling, even though I know it’s no guarantee of closeness.

2. I love love love the baby phase even though it’s exhasuting. I get lots of leave from work and my job is flexible so I wasn’t too worried about the exhaustion. I’m hoping I’ll conrinue to love each phase just as much as I’ve liked baby and toddlerhood so far. I like parenting more than expected. We’ve had fun with it as a family and it’s brought us closer as a couple.

Reasons against:

1. We don’t love chaos. Our house is pretty quiet and organized. I worry that two will stress us out, particularly with the fighting between the kids.

2. With one, our lives are still somewhat adult focused. With two, I feel like vacations and dinners become about the kids 99% of the time. With one, it’s more evenly split (eg some of our activities are toddler focused, but we also focus a lot on stuff we like to do).

3. We don’t need to divide and counquer now. We get to spend lots of time as a family of three, or, when one of us has the kid, the other takes a break. Having another will change this, obviously. I worry that we will be two teams of two.

Thoughts?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Uggg. This is such a hard decision. We are in the midst sid it too. We have one who is fun and easy-ish. Our lives are nice and not stressful.

My reasons for wanting another are:

1. We are older parents and it’s not unlikely that we will be gone before our kid finds a partner. It stresses me out to think we could be gone and she could have no family at all in the world. I want her to have a sibling, even though I know it’s no guarantee of closeness.

2. I love love love the baby phase even though it’s exhasuting. I get lots of leave from work and my job is flexible so I wasn’t too worried about the exhaustion. I’m hoping I’ll conrinue to love each phase just as much as I’ve liked baby and toddlerhood so far. I like parenting more than expected. We’ve had fun with it as a family and it’s brought us closer as a couple.

Reasons against:

1. We don’t love chaos. Our house is pretty quiet and organized. I worry that two will stress us out, particularly with the fighting between the kids.

2. With one, our lives are still somewhat adult focused. With two, I feel like vacations and dinners become about the kids 99% of the time. With one, it’s more evenly split (eg some of our activities are toddler focused, but we also focus a lot on stuff we like to do).

3. We don’t need to divide and counquer now. We get to spend lots of time as a family of three, or, when one of us has the kid, the other takes a break. Having another will change this, obviously. I worry that we will be two teams of two.

Thoughts?

No helpful thoughts, just a comment that you've perfectly articulated my conflicted thinking, too.