Do you regret having just one kid?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm was a happy only child who was on the fence about having a second, ended up going for it and wound up with twins (so three total). I love all my kids, but I also admit that part of me regrets it. No one gets enough attention and life for our first is not worse, but definitely harder now that she has to compete for our time and resources. I wish I had gone with my gut instead of being a sheep and thinking she would be missing out by not having siblings.

This is an honest post and I appreciate it.

I agree, I appreciate it too!

[Anonymous]

My husband and I were only children who wanted to have at least two so our 1st one would have a sibling. Besides, we were over the moon with our first and she was the perfect baby, toddler and preschooler. We had a second who, NOW, I love to pieces but tbth, the feeling was not there for a long while. She was/is not a horrible baby/toddler:preschooler. She is pretty normal for what I have seen, but the first was so good, that we overestimated. Plus, when she was a baby I was not in a good place mentally. We had a lot of stressful things going on and I developed high anxiety, depression and even thoughts of suicide. Not related to the post partum, but of course having a young baby didn’t help matters.

Also, we had a pretty good thing going with with an only child - nice travels, lots of one on one attention, etc. since the second this has changed drastically. I just cannot imagine traveling with my two children through Europe.

Now that the younger is older (3), things are MUCH better and going back to normal - but I will still wait to go on big trips again for another year or two.

I love her and she brings me great joy, but for a long time I actually regretted having a second. If I could go back in time I probably would not have had a second (or probably would if I knew she would be missing on my life). I’m just a better mom to one. Some people thrive in chaos, I don’t. And I like down time, which was almost zero for a long while - going back to normal now thankfully!

So, unless you REALLY want a second, third, fourth child and are sure you are cut for it, I would stop at one.

[Anonymous]

obviously it depends.

We were set on one. But, then #1 was pretty easy at 2 yrs old (I know that sounds insane), and I thought about how lonely DC would feel when we are old. Both DH and I have more than one sibling each, and though we don't see our siblings that often, it's nice to know they are there. As our parents are now quite old, it's been really helpful to have siblings be there to help.

#2 made things harder of course, but I don't regret it. I think I would've regretted it if we didn't have #2. My kids keep each other company, and yes, they fight, but for the most part, they are fairly close. Of course, you never know what's going to happen in the future, but it give me comfort to know that they will have each other when we are gone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I were only children who wanted to have at least two so our 1st one would have a sibling. Besides, we were over the moon with our first and she was the perfect baby, toddler and preschooler. We had a second who, NOW, I love to pieces but tbth, the feeling was not there for a long while. She was/is not a horrible baby/toddler:preschooler. She is pretty normal for what I have seen, but the first was so good, that we overestimated. Plus, when she was a baby I was not in a good place mentally. We had a lot of stressful things going on and I developed high anxiety, depression and even thoughts of suicide. Not related to the post partum, but of course having a young baby didn’t help matters.

Also, we had a pretty good thing going with with an only child - nice travels, lots of one on one attention, etc. since the second this has changed drastically. I just cannot imagine traveling with my two children through Europe.

Now that the younger is older (3), things are MUCH better and going back to normal - but I will still wait to go on big trips again for another year or two.

I love her and she brings me great joy, but for a long time I actually regretted having a second. If I could go back in time I probably would not have had a second (or probably would if I knew she would be missing on my life). I’m just a better mom to one. Some people thrive in chaos, I don’t. And I like down time, which was almost zero for a long while - going back to normal now thankfully!

So, unless you REALLY want a second, third, fourth child and are sure you are cut for it, I would stop at one.

I'm the PP who had a first and then twins. I think it's interesting to hear from other only children who have mild regrets about having multiple kids. There's something about that one on one time that's now gone that I really miss. It's something I grew up with and feel bad taking away from my first. I'm sure I'd feel differently if I had a lonely childhood, but I had a great relationship with my parents, who built a loving community of friends and extended relatives around us. I also feel like I was a better mom to one. But I'm doing my best and feel lucky to have them all in my life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I were only children who wanted to have at least two so our 1st one would have a sibling. Besides, we were over the moon with our first and she was the perfect baby, toddler and preschooler. We had a second who, NOW, I love to pieces but tbth, the feeling was not there for a long while. She was/is not a horrible baby/toddler:preschooler. She is pretty normal for what I have seen, but the first was so good, that we overestimated. Plus, when she was a baby I was not in a good place mentally. We had a lot of stressful things going on and I developed high anxiety, depression and even thoughts of suicide. Not related to the post partum, but of course having a young baby didn’t help matters.

Also, we had a pretty good thing going with with an only child - nice travels, lots of one on one attention, etc. since the second this has changed drastically. I just cannot imagine traveling with my two children through Europe.

Now that the younger is older (3), things are MUCH better and going back to normal - but I will still wait to go on big trips again for another year or two.

I love her and she brings me great joy, but for a long time I actually regretted having a second. If I could go back in time I probably would not have had a second (or probably would if I knew she would be missing on my life). I’m just a better mom to one. Some people thrive in chaos, I don’t. And I like down time, which was almost zero for a long while - going back to normal now thankfully!

So, unless you REALLY want a second, third, fourth child and are sure you are cut for it, I would stop at one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I were only children who wanted to have at least two so our 1st one would have a sibling. Besides, we were over the moon with our first and she was the perfect baby, toddler and preschooler. We had a second who, NOW, I love to pieces but tbth, the feeling was not there for a long while. She was/is not a horrible baby/toddler:preschooler. She is pretty normal for what I have seen, but the first was so good, that we overestimated. Plus, when she was a baby I was not in a good place mentally. We had a lot of stressful things going on and I developed high anxiety, depression and even thoughts of suicide. Not related to the post partum, but of course having a young baby didn’t help matters.

Also, we had a pretty good thing going with with an only child - nice travels, lots of one on one attention, etc. since the second this has changed drastically. I just cannot imagine traveling with my two children through Europe.

Now that the younger is older (3), things are MUCH better and going back to normal - but I will still wait to go on big trips again for another year or two.

I love her and she brings me great joy, but for a long time I actually regretted having a second. If I could go back in time I probably would not have had a second (or probably would if I knew she would be missing on my life). I’m just a better mom to one. Some people thrive in chaos, I don’t. And I like down time, which was almost zero for a long while - going back to normal now thankfully!

So, unless you REALLY want a second, third, fourth child and are sure you are cut for it, I would stop at one.

I'm the PP who had a first and then twins. I think it's interesting to hear from other only children who have mild regrets about having multiple kids. There's something about that one on one time that's now gone that I really miss. It's something I grew up with and feel bad taking away from my first. I'm sure I'd feel differently if I had a lonely childhood, but I had a great relationship with my parents, who built a loving community of friends and extended relatives around us. I also feel like I was a better mom to one. But I'm doing my best and feel lucky to have them all in my life.

Thanks for your post. I’m an only and debating having a second. I feel like I have a good thing going on. But perhaps your struggles are more a result of having TWINS?

[Anonymous]

After having my first I was like WHY did I ruin my life?!! I assume I’ll feel the same way after my second.

I assume though that I’d always regret not having children and may also regret not having a second. So I will.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No I do not regret it. I love having one. And if I am going to be honest I'll say this:

I had a child bc everyone said how awesome it was. Nobody said how hard it was (or if they did I tuned it out). I thought having kids was just what you did and it was this blissful thing.

Well, I am 3 years into parenthood, and it is hard every single day. If any of my child-free friends asked me if they should have kids, I would honestly tell them no. I have struggled every day with having to give so much to one tiny human and have no bandwidth to take care of myself.

When I even think about two kids, now I LISTEN to what people say. And people say it is HARD. My friend just told me yesterday..."when I think back on my life with one, I wonder what I did with all my free time." I personally cannot be happy like that - I am not wired to give in that way. I know that in the long game, siblings are awesome, but the short game would destroy me.

My LO has three half siblings who are older. It is not the same, but we cultivate the relationship as a high priority. And we do same with family and cousins - to the extent that I am actively planning our move south in 2 years so my kid will grow up with his cousins.

I have struggled every day with having to give so much to one tiny human and have no bandwidth to take care of myself.

THANK YOU

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I were only children who wanted to have at least two so our 1st one would have a sibling. Besides, we were over the moon with our first and she was the perfect baby, toddler and preschooler. We had a second who, NOW, I love to pieces but tbth, the feeling was not there for a long while. She was/is not a horrible baby/toddler:preschooler. She is pretty normal for what I have seen, but the first was so good, that we overestimated. Plus, when she was a baby I was not in a good place mentally. We had a lot of stressful things going on and I developed high anxiety, depression and even thoughts of suicide. Not related to the post partum, but of course having a young baby didn’t help matters.

Also, we had a pretty good thing going with with an only child - nice travels, lots of one on one attention, etc. since the second this has changed drastically. I just cannot imagine traveling with my two children through Europe.

Now that the younger is older (3), things are MUCH better and going back to normal - but I will still wait to go on big trips again for another year or two.

I love her and she brings me great joy, but for a long time I actually regretted having a second. If I could go back in time I probably would not have had a second (or probably would if I knew she would be missing on my life). I’m just a better mom to one. Some people thrive in chaos, I don’t. And I like down time, which was almost zero for a long while - going back to normal now thankfully!

So, unless you REALLY want a second, third, fourth child and are sure you are cut for it, I would stop at one.

I'm the PP who had a first and then twins. I think it's interesting to hear from other only children who have mild regrets about having multiple kids. There's something about that one on one time that's now gone that I really miss. It's something I grew up with and feel bad taking away from my first. I'm sure I'd feel differently if I had a lonely childhood, but I had a great relationship with my parents, who built a loving community of friends and extended relatives around us. I also feel like I was a better mom to one. But I'm doing my best and feel lucky to have them all in my life.

Thanks for your post. I’m an only and debating having a second. I feel like I have a good thing going on. But perhaps your struggles are more a result of having TWINS?

No doubt! I did have some anxiety about even having a second, but it's amplified so much more by having twins. And by having 3 total. With two kids, you can each take one kid for one on one time; with three, not so much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No regrets here, WE have a 5yo in K and love having one kid. Our HHI is only 130,000 so daycare was a factor for us, plus we like to travel and she comes with us. Would be so much harder with 2.
Would be harder to pay for gymastics, swimming etc too.

Then theres the bickering........dont miss that at all.

Are you me?

[Anonymous]

We wanted to have two and almost did. Glad it didn’t happen as fast forward 3 years and I have had to quit my job due to health. We have an 8 yr old. With financial constraints (and we are supposedly well off in the eyes of all cousins outside the DC area), not sure how we would manage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have an 18 month old DD and initially hoped to have 2 or 3 kids. DD took a while, with miscarriages etc before she was born and she's a total delight. We are so, so happy and feel incredibly lucky we even got her. While we'd both still like to have another, we have minimal hope that it will happen naturally, and we certainly don't feel like our family is incomplete. We're happy with our lifestyle, our finances, our real estate options (we're in NYC and actually feel like we can stay with an only child). I know part of me will always be a bit sad that we couldn't have more kids, but, as a PP noted, we're happy with the life we have and actively choose to focus on the positives. I'd frankly have mixed emotions at this point if I found out I was pregnant. Thrilled, but terrified, given how comfortable I've gotten with the idea of one.

There seem to be more only children in the city, too, which helps. None of the isolation I sense from some single-child families I see on DCUM living in the suburbs surrounded by big families.

Just seconding this point. We live in DC, and there are lots of other only children. It's not unusual at all. If we were surrounded by big families, we might feel more odd-man-out, but we don't. And having just one allows us to living in a smaller space, enjoy the perks of an urban lifestyle, etc. And because we have just one, it's easier to facilitate our child's friendships. She's really social and outgoing, and it's much easier, logistically, for us to arrange playdates and activities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have an 18 month old DD and initially hoped to have 2 or 3 kids. DD took a while, with miscarriages etc before she was born and she's a total delight. We are so, so happy and feel incredibly lucky we even got her. While we'd both still like to have another, we have minimal hope that it will happen naturally, and we certainly don't feel like our family is incomplete. We're happy with our lifestyle, our finances, our real estate options (we're in NYC and actually feel like we can stay with an only child). I know part of me will always be a bit sad that we couldn't have more kids, but, as a PP noted, we're happy with the life we have and actively choose to focus on the positives. I'd frankly have mixed emotions at this point if I found out I was pregnant. Thrilled, but terrified, given how comfortable I've gotten with the idea of one.

There seem to be more only children in the city, too, which helps. None of the isolation I sense from some single-child families I see on DCUM living in the suburbs surrounded by big families.

Just seconding this point. We live in DC, and there are lots of other only children. It's not unusual at all. If we were surrounded by big families, we might feel more odd-man-out, but we don't. And having just one allows us to living in a smaller space, enjoy the perks of an urban lifestyle, etc. And because we have just one, it's easier to facilitate our child's friendships. She's really social and outgoing, and it's much easier, logistically, for us to arrange playdates and activities.

You have to understand that New Yorkers always think everything they do is unique to NY. It’s hard for them to consider that other cities also contain a larger number of only children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have an 18 month old DD and initially hoped to have 2 or 3 kids. DD took a while, with miscarriages etc before she was born and she's a total delight. We are so, so happy and feel incredibly lucky we even got her. While we'd both still like to have another, we have minimal hope that it will happen naturally, and we certainly don't feel like our family is incomplete. We're happy with our lifestyle, our finances, our real estate options (we're in NYC and actually feel like we can stay with an only child). I know part of me will always be a bit sad that we couldn't have more kids, but, as a PP noted, we're happy with the life we have and actively choose to focus on the positives. I'd frankly have mixed emotions at this point if I found out I was pregnant. Thrilled, but terrified, given how comfortable I've gotten with the idea of one.

There seem to be more only children in the city, too, which helps. None of the isolation I sense from some single-child families I see on DCUM living in the suburbs surrounded by big families.

Just seconding this point. We live in DC, and there are lots of other only children. It's not unusual at all. If we were surrounded by big families, we might feel more odd-man-out, but we don't. And having just one allows us to living in a smaller space, enjoy the perks of an urban lifestyle, etc. And because we have just one, it's easier to facilitate our child's friendships. She's really social and outgoing, and it's much easier, logistically, for us to arrange playdates and activities.

You have to understand that New Yorkers always think everything they do is unique to NY. It’s hard for them to consider that other cities also contain a larger number of only children.

Oh and also: everyone outside of NYC is uneducated, poor, and boorish. No one is cultured; we pretty much eat at Applebee’s and think it’s high class cuisine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We wanted to have two and almost did. Glad it didn’t happen as fast forward 3 years and I have had to quit my job due to health. We have an 8 yr old. With financial constraints (and we are supposedly well off in the eyes of all cousins outside the DC area), not sure how we would manage.

Not OP but thank you for sharing. Hope you are able to enjoy your child and feel better.