No grandchildren

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP here-I'll start off by saying that I understand why the OP has a sense of loss/disappointment. I am a few years shy of 50 and none of my friends are near the grandparent phase of life yet but I hear a lot of talk from women I work with about how wonderful having grandchildren is, how it's the best gift their child could ever give them, etc. I'm sure (amongst other things) that listening to that sort of talk and feeling as though it's not something you'll ever have would be really tough. I think it's great, though, that the OP isn't pressuring her children and understands that it's their choice to make.

Just thought I'd share my experience/perspective FWIW. I am childless by circumstance. My sister has kids and I feel to some degree like a failure for not being able to produce grandchildren for my mother. It's been tough. It's like not only did I fail to be like most women and have a child but I also personally let down my mother. But then I think about things and I get mad. Would I feel this way as a man? Probably not. I hate that society and unfortunately many women (hardly ever men, in my experience) place such a huge, huge importance on being a mother or grandmother. I know that they are phenomenal, life changing and for most people very rewarding experiences but it's not the only thing in life. I am happy in spite of not being able to have kids. I really resent it when I hear about how people who don't have kids are "missing out" in life. Yeah, I'm missing out on that experience but please don't imply that my life is somehow inferior and that I'm to be pitied. Also, I'm a full blown adult with adult responsibilities-I haven't received any financial support from my parents since I was a college kid. The implication that people without children are irresponsible and aren't really grown up or adult is definitely not the case in most situations.

I'm childfree so I can't really relate to you but I am so glad that you are aware of the misogyny imposed on women who don't have children. So many men out there don't have children even in middle age and guess what? They are proud of it. Bill Maher, Leonardo Di, Jay Leno...they don't get questioned about children, why should women???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here-I'll start off by saying that I understand why the OP has a sense of loss/disappointment. I am a few years shy of 50 and none of my friends are near the grandparent phase of life yet but I hear a lot of talk from women I work with about how wonderful having grandchildren is, how it's the best gift their child could ever give them, etc. I'm sure (amongst other things) that listening to that sort of talk and feeling as though it's not something you'll ever have would be really tough. I think it's great, though, that the OP isn't pressuring her children and understands that it's their choice to make.

Just thought I'd share my experience/perspective FWIW. I am childless by circumstance. My sister has kids and I feel to some degree like a failure for not being able to produce grandchildren for my mother. It's been tough. It's like not only did I fail to be like most women and have a child but I also personally let down my mother. But then I think about things and I get mad. Would I feel this way as a man? Probably not. I hate that society and unfortunately many women (hardly ever men, in my experience) place such a huge, huge importance on being a mother or grandmother. I know that they are phenomenal, life changing and for most people very rewarding experiences but it's not the only thing in life. I am happy in spite of not being able to have kids. I really resent it when I hear about how people who don't have kids are "missing out" in life. Yeah, I'm missing out on that experience but please don't imply that my life is somehow inferior and that I'm to be pitied. Also, I'm a full blown adult with adult responsibilities-I haven't received any financial support from my parents since I was a college kid. The implication that people without children are irresponsible and aren't really grown up or adult is definitely not the case in most situations.

I'm childfree so I can't really relate to you but I am so glad that you are aware of the misogyny imposed on women who don't have children. So many men out there don't have children even in middle age and guess what? They are proud of it. Bill Maher, Leonardo Di, Jay Leno...they don't get questioned about children, why should women???

Bill Maher has been annoying as f*ck lately when he talks about parents and kids. It's like that co-worker who doesn't have kids yet is an expert on how to raise them and is constantly telling everyone they are doing things wrong. He's always blasting parents.

I genuinely like the rest of the show...but when he gets on those anti-children rants, he's lost me.

I have friends and family that are childless by choice and they aren't constantly brining it up and putting down everyone with kids, nor are we telling them their life means nothing because they don't have them. I could care less whether somebody else has kids or not...though I do like my BIL and SIL that don't and live nearby because they are always up to come over for a drink at our house anytime....and it's so nice to socialize with people that aren't constantly talking about their kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry! I wouldn't write them off though until the youngest turns 40 though. Boys or girls? Some men have kids in their 40s even.

50 is the new 30. I just had my first child at age 50, via IVF.

[Anonymous]

You can be my grandma, I never had one. But I am 47 Seriously, though. We had our son late, I mean late by normal standards. I moved grandma in at 83. She has basically raised my boy, now 12, and is everything you’d imagine a grandma to be. She’s been the biggest blessing. You have time still.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry! I wouldn't write them off though until the youngest turns 40 though. Boys or girls? Some men have kids in their 40s even.

50 is the new 30. I just had my first child at age 50, via IVF.

Did you use a donor egg?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry! I wouldn't write them off though until the youngest turns 40 though. Boys or girls? Some men have kids in their 40s even.

50 is the new 30. I just had my first child at age 50, via IVF.

Yikes.

(And no it's not)

[Anonymous]

So many kids in the world could use your love OP. Find someone who needs you...church, hospital, wherever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry! I wouldn't write them off though until the youngest turns 40 though. Boys or girls? Some men have kids in their 40s even.

50 is the new 30. I just had my first child at age 50, via IVF.

50 is kind of the new 40...not 30. It is 40 in many ways, but not in fertility or in parenthood. Some things just don't change. If you need a bunch of hormones to do it, that is a clue.

[Anonymous]

I totally understand your sense of loss OP. I am one of the lucky ones who had quite a few grandchildren very young, and have thoroughly enjoyed them. I have spent a great deal of my time helping my daughters with their kids and retired early so I could have more time with them. Here is my problem and perhaps you can advise me. I have several friends who do not have grandkids and may not every have them. When I am with them I always inquire about their travels, grown kids, dog or whatever their interest are, but inevitably I end up mentioning at least one of my grandkids and something we did together, since my life revolves around them. One of my friends asked me not to talk about my grandkids to her, and now I just don't feel motivated to spend much time with her. Am I wrong? It just feels weird to me having to edit everything I say.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I totally understand your sense of loss OP. I am one of the lucky ones who had quite a few grandchildren very young, and have thoroughly enjoyed them. I have spent a great deal of my time helping my daughters with their kids and retired early so I could have more time with them. Here is my problem and perhaps you can advise me. I have several friends who do not have grandkids and may not every have them. When I am with them I always inquire about their travels, grown kids, dog or whatever their interest are, but inevitably I end up mentioning at least one of my grandkids and something we did together, since my life revolves around them. One of my friends asked me not to talk about my grandkids to her, and now I just don't feel motivated to spend much time with her. Am I wrong? It just feels weird to me having to edit everything I say.

This is a problem among women which men dont have. Women with kids and grandkids dont want to talk about anything else and it is utterly boring. As a childfree woman with professional interests, I rather change the subject.

[Anonymous]

I love your assumptions. I am the grandma above, but also have a PH.D. in economics and love to talk about all kinds of intellectual topics. BUT, I still get more from my time with my grandkids, then any other activity. Sorry to be so boring. It is who I am.

[Anonymous]

I understand, OP, I would love to have grandchildren too, when the time comes.

I am an only child and have two children. I have 7 first cousins, all in their 30s and 40s, and only one has a child. Most aren't even married! It's breaking the heart of many of my aunts and uncles.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I totally understand your sense of loss OP. I am one of the lucky ones who had quite a few grandchildren very young, and have thoroughly enjoyed them. I have spent a great deal of my time helping my daughters with their kids and retired early so I could have more time with them. Here is my problem and perhaps you can advise me. I have several friends who do not have grandkids and may not every have them. When I am with them I always inquire about their travels, grown kids, dog or whatever their interest are, but inevitably I end up mentioning at least one of my grandkids and something we did together, since my life revolves around them. One of my friends asked me not to talk about my grandkids to her, and now I just don't feel motivated to spend much time with her. Am I wrong? It just feels weird to me having to edit everything I say.

This is a problem among women which men dont have. Women with kids and grandkids dont want to talk about anything else and it is utterly boring. As a childfree woman with professional interests, I rather change the subject.

Idiot.

[Anonymous]

Hope this makes you feel better OP! My now husband was single for 33 years solid, not even a girlfriend. He's now married with a step child that his parents are happy to call their grandchild too. We'll have kids a few years despite him not being sure about kids before.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is there anyone else out there that has come to the realization that grandchildren are not happening? Are you having a hard time dealing with it? I had my children young and just assumed that I would be a young grandparent. I'm 57, kids are 37 and 32 and neither want kids. I realize it's their decision and no one should have kids if they don't want them, kids are tough. I don't bug them to have children but I have to admit that it makes me really sad. A huge thing that I thought would fill and give some purpose to the remainder of my life is not happening. I love babies, children and teenagers and was looking forward to experiencing all of the fun stuff again without the day to day responsibilities. I have lots of grand nieces and nephews but it isn't the same. And yes, I have a life, career, a husband that I love etc. but so much that I was looking forward to as part of getting older is not happening. And of course, this means no great grandchildren either.

It is really sad. Do they have pets instead of children? Seems to be a thing.