No grandchildren

[Anonymous]

I think "adopting" a family with young kids has to happen organically. So while I think it's a great idea, I think it's something that would only happen if you already have a friendly relationship with the young parents.

I'd look into volunteering or mentoring young kids. Not every relationship you form there will lead to something long term and fulfilling, but really you just need one or two kids/families that you really click with to form an incredible bond.

You have love and nurturing left in you, please put it to good use!

[Anonymous]

I always said that I never wanted kids, well into my 30s. Finally did have one at 36, I wouldn't give up just yet.

It does seem pretty common for younger people not to want kids. My sister and cousin have both said they don't want kids. Their friends are starting to have their first kids at 40.

[Anonymous]

This is a non-issue OP. Take pride in having children who know what they want and are responsible. Enjoy your years with your husband.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I realize already that it is better that my kids not have children if they don't want them. Raising children is extremely difficult and if your heart isn't in it 100%, you shouldn't do it. I think that they are aware that I would like to have grandchildren but I have never pressured them to have kids. That being said, I am still sad that grandchildren don't seem to be in the cards. And yes, I can volunteer and have children in my life in other ways but it is still not the same. I see my mother with her 12 great grandchildren at out annual family reunion and she is so happy.

[Anonymous]

OP, my husband and I married at 28. We did not want kids for awhile. Neither my parents, nor inlaws, asked us about it. I did find out later that my mom had asked one of my good friends.

My parents already had 3 grandkids from my sister.

Anyways, flash forward, after my husband and I 'grew up', got all of the partying and traveling and living abroad out of our system, we found our views changed. I got pregnant on the first try at 34, and again at 37. By that time, my sister's kids were teens so my parents were thrilled to have babies and toddlers all over again.

I don't want to give false hope. But, maybe one of them will change their minds.

Btw, my brother is 50 and never married or had kids. My parents realized this was probably the best thing. It wasn't for him.

The best thing my parents did was to let us live our own lives and for them to keep opinions to themselves. I think it sounds like you are doing just that! Good job.

I am sorry that grandkids might not happen, and it's normal to feel a 'mourning' for the role you didn't have. Do you have any nieces or nephews with kids? My aunts and uncles have always played a very big role in my life. At 48, they still send me cards and one sends me a gift on my bday and Christmas. Maybe you can take a role with siblings grandkids if you have them.

[Anonymous]

Our next door neighbor is my son's "adopted grandmother". She invites us over for dinner once a month and offers free babysitting for our anniversary/valentines so we can get away. It is SUCH a gift to us! Our parents are far away and unable to be involved in the day to day.

[Anonymous]

No one, including me, thought I would ever be a parent but a second marriage later, it felt right to have a baby and I was old. I also just went to the first wedding of a guy in his 50's with baby plans. You just never know. I wouldn't mourn the situation yet. You're very young yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I realize already that it is better that my kids not have children if they don't want them. Raising children is extremely difficult and if your heart isn't in it 100%, you shouldn't do it. I think that they are aware that I would like to have grandchildren but I have never pressured them to have kids. That being said, I am still sad that grandchildren don't seem to be in the cards. And yes, I can volunteer and have children in my life in other ways but it is still not the same. I see my mother with her 12 great grandchildren at out annual family reunion and she is so happy.

Op, you sound like a rational and understanding parent. I have two small kids, and if they decided not to have children of their own one day, I would also feel quite sad about it. I know it's not the same, but I wish we could adopt you as our honorary gp...due to poor health and distance, my kids have limited interaction with their own grandparents. I wish you only the best, OP.

[Anonymous]

I think it is okay to be sad about it. Not in an annoying way to your kids, but internally and with your husband. But then you should do something about it. Lots of kids need grandparent-type figures. It probably won't be the same as if they were really your grandkids, but it still can be a very rewarding relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I realize already that it is better that my kids not have children if they don't want them. Raising children is extremely difficult and if your heart isn't in it 100%, you shouldn't do it. I think that they are aware that I would like to have grandchildren but I have never pressured them to have kids. That being said, I am still sad that grandchildren don't seem to be in the cards. And yes, I can volunteer and have children in my life in other ways but it is still not the same. I see my mother with her 12 great grandchildren at out annual family reunion and she is so happy.

But why are you sad? There is no loss to you. You need to have something else to occupy your time.

[Anonymous]

I have multiple friends and a sister who are in your position. Their adult children have rejected the idea of becoming parents and seem to be perpetual children themselves, constantly moving, changing jobs and asking for financial help from their parents. I think this partially comes from the disrespect for the roles of traditional mothers, who are constantly dissed on this site and others. Being a SAHM puts women on the defensive yet working moms are often stretched beyond their limits.

[Anonymous]

Your situation stinks but it is what is it is. Enjoy your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is there anyone else out there that has come to the realization that grandchildren are not happening? Are you having a hard time dealing with it? I had my children young and just assumed that I would be a young grandparent. I'm 57, kids are 37 and 32 and neither want kids. I realize it's their decision and no one should have kids if they don't want them, kids are tough. I don't bug them to have children but I have to admit that it makes me really sad. A huge thing that I thought would fill and give some purpose to the remainder of my life is not happening. I love babies, children and teenagers and was looking forward to experiencing all of the fun stuff again without the day to day responsibilities. I have lots of grand nieces and nephews but it isn't the same. And yes, I have a life, career, a husband that I love etc. but so much that I was looking forward to as part of getting older is not happening. And of course, this means no great grandchildren either.

YES! I am about your age with kids the same age....and no, grandkids won't happen. (A fair amount of granddogs, though! )

I've had to work on this because it changes everything about what I thought the future would look like. I am also sad for them, our kids, because they will eventually be my age with no family. When my parents were extremely old, sick, and frightened, they had the support of their kids. We were there for them. I cannot imagine not being there at that time. Also, our life with kids was wonderful, and they will miss so many things that made life worthwhile along the way. Having kids made life great.

We are trying to re-navigate our future with out family events surrounded by a large extended group, cousins playing together, and the relationships we had hoped to have. Interestingly enough, we would have been great at this...there to help and babysit, financial help with camps, lessons, and college. We would have been THOSE grandparents. Now we take their dogs to the vet and buy them toys...Lol.

But...ultimately it is their choice, not ours, so we have just accepted without judgement. We said our piece years ago, and that will be all that is said. We can't live our lives through them.I am grateful that they, and we, are heathly thus far.

*Sigh-we don't play golf or tennis....whatever. I love the neighborhood kids, I volunteer, etc., but yeah, life will be different than expected. Reset.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I realize already that it is better that my kids not have children if they don't want them. Raising children is extremely difficult and if your heart isn't in it 100%, you shouldn't do it. I think that they are aware that I would like to have grandchildren but I have never pressured them to have kids. That being said, I am still sad that grandchildren don't seem to be in the cards. And yes, I can volunteer and have children in my life in other ways but it is still not the same. I see my mother with her 12 great grandchildren at out annual family reunion and she is so happy.

But why are you sad? There is no loss to you. You need to have something else to occupy your time.

It absolutely is a loss.

[Anonymous]

You know, when we are kids, we look forward to being a teen. Then we look forward to adult life, then as parents, if that happens. If it was a wanted experience, and did not happen, it is a heartbreak. People spend $$$ and serious emotions dealing with that. Why should not having grandkids bevany less sad if they were wanted and expected?