No grandchildren

[Anonymous]

You never know what will happen. My in-laws never thought it would happen but surprise! We gave them their one and only granddaughter when they were 70 and 74. Luckily they are youthful and able to enjoy her. Hang in there. I'm sure your life will be full with or without grands.

[Anonymous]

I can see how that could/would be a big disappointment. I hope my kids marry younger and have kids younger than I did (though not by too much, of course!). Being part of a church is a great way to get to know families with kids - volunteering in the nursery, teaching Sunday School, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I realize already that it is better that my kids not have children if they don't want them. Raising children is extremely difficult and if your heart isn't in it 100%, you shouldn't do it. I think that they are aware that I would like to have grandchildren but I have never pressured them to have kids. That being said, I am still sad that grandchildren don't seem to be in the cards. And yes, I can volunteer and have children in my life in other ways but it is still not the same. I see my mother with her 12 great grandchildren at out annual family reunion and she is so happy.

But why are you sad? There is no loss to you. You need to have something else to occupy your time.

It absolutely is a loss.

+100
Thousands of years of a genetic legacy is dying. How can anyone act like this isn't a big deal?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I realize already that it is better that my kids not have children if they don't want them. Raising children is extremely difficult and if your heart isn't in it 100%, you shouldn't do it. I think that they are aware that I would like to have grandchildren but I have never pressured them to have kids. That being said, I am still sad that grandchildren don't seem to be in the cards. And yes, I can volunteer and have children in my life in other ways but it is still not the same. I see my mother with her 12 great grandchildren at out annual family reunion and she is so happy.

But why are you sad? There is no loss to you. You need to have something else to occupy your time.

It absolutely is a loss.

+100
Thousands of years of a genetic legacy is dying. How can anyone act like this isn't a big deal?

Yeah, and there is that. Yeah...

[Anonymous]

My sibling gave my parents one and only grandchild after they turned 48 so it can happen. I apparently am infertile and gave up because I didn't have the cash to do treatments or adopt.

Things can change OP, just be sure not to pressure your kids, or they may tell you they don't want kids just to get you off their backs.

I'm debating volunteering with kids, since I can't have any of my own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have multiple friends and a sister who are in your position. Their adult children have rejected the idea of becoming parents and seem to be perpetual children themselves, constantly moving, changing jobs and asking for financial help from their parents. I think this partially comes from the disrespect for the roles of traditional mothers, who are constantly dissed on this site and others. Being a SAHM puts women on the defensive yet working moms are often stretched beyond their limits.

Please stop perpetuating the idea that people who don’t have children are children themselves. You don’t even know if that’s the life they chose or what’s going on. Adults of childbearing age today had a lot of economic obstacles their parents never had to deal with, so you don’t know why they keep moving for jobs or asking for help. It seems like a wise and very adult, if difficult, decision to not bring children into that situation. I know that can be difficult for some of you boomers to understand, but maybe not everyone is making unlimited choices with supportive circumstances. If you wanted your children to have children, maybe you should have done more to make sure we had a world conducive to that. Or were you busy raising your kids? Maybe childless people aren’t useless.

[Anonymous]

OP here again. Foster parenting definitely is not something I want to do right now. I raised 2 kids, I don't want the full time responsibility of another. Sounds selfish but you have to be aware of what you can handle. As for volunteering, I will once I retire. I have to admit I am enjoying the bit of free time I have now after raising kids and then going back to school to get my masters. I do GREATLY appreciate all of the kind words and understanding, especially pointing out that I should be happy that my kids live so close. It's nice to know that there are so many caring people out there, thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have multiple friends and a sister who are in your position. Their adult children have rejected the idea of becoming parents and seem to be perpetual children themselves, constantly moving, changing jobs and asking for financial help from their parents. I think this partially comes from the disrespect for the roles of traditional mothers, who are constantly dissed on this site and others. Being a SAHM puts women on the defensive yet working moms are often stretched beyond their limits.

Please stop perpetuating the idea that people who don’t have children are children themselves. You don’t even know if that’s the life they chose or what’s going on. Adults of childbearing age today had a lot of economic obstacles their parents never had to deal with, so you don’t know why they keep moving for jobs or asking for help. It seems like a wise and very adult, if difficult, decision to not bring children into that situation. I know that can be difficult for some of you boomers to understand, but maybe not everyone is making unlimited choices with supportive circumstances. If you wanted your children to have children, maybe you should have done more to make sure we had a world conducive to that. Or were you busy raising your kids? Maybe childless people aren’t useless.

NP here. What would be more difficult for this generation than for boomers? Absolutely cannot figure that one out.

We were the first women who were fully expected to enter the job force in the 70s and 80s, whether we wanted to or not, with zero maternity leave much less pay, substandard childcare, and misogynist bosses...yep..even some female bosses. We had that glass ceiling. We are still punching thtough that, and niw we are dealung with ageism.

We were expected to have it all and do it all. Little help with anything...we did the housework and the meals. We were told our birthing labor would be "uncomfortable" but that we could breathe through it. We raised you little buggers making sure you had everything, told you that you could be anything. There were no cruises, trips to Europe, and a lot of luxuries that millennials think are standard today. Our first home was a rented apt. We lived through 3 recessions...I waited in a line to fill my car for 4 hours in 1979, and had to leave my car there as there was no gas...for a week. No computers, no internet..we researched our dissertations in the library with whatever available microfiche documents or journals there were and typed those damn things on a typewriter with the citations placed at the bottom while feeding you. We went to your games, your plays, your parties.
We were called "honey" work and worried about our jobs if we took off.
We were BADASS. You got nothing on us...nothing.

Don't you dare tell us what kind of world we left for you....you have it so much better. Your worst enemies are your peers...competition, judging, one upmanship. It is tough to watch. We helped each other...babysitting clubs, play groups, etc. These women are still my friends.
And yes, I would still have kids.Best thing ever- and not afraid to admit that it was ok to be a Mom as if it would say something about my intellect.

If you don't want kids, fine, but place your blame elsewhere....and, yes, you are missing out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have multiple friends and a sister who are in your position. Their adult children have rejected the idea of becoming parents and seem to be perpetual children themselves, constantly moving, changing jobs and asking for financial help from their parents. I think this partially comes from the disrespect for the roles of traditional mothers, who are constantly dissed on this site and others. Being a SAHM puts women on the defensive yet working moms are often stretched beyond their limits.

Please stop perpetuating the idea that people who don’t have children are children themselves. You don’t even know if that’s the life they chose or what’s going on. Adults of childbearing age today had a lot of economic obstacles their parents never had to deal with, so you don’t know why they keep moving for jobs or asking for help. It seems like a wise and very adult, if difficult, decision to not bring children into that situation. I know that can be difficult for some of you boomers to understand, but maybe not everyone is making unlimited choices with supportive circumstances. If you wanted your children to have children, maybe you should have done more to make sure we had a world conducive to that. Or were you busy raising your kids? Maybe childless people aren’t useless.

NP here. What would be more difficult for this generation than for boomers? Absolutely cannot figure that one out.

We were the first women who were fully expected to enter the job force in the 70s and 80s, whether we wanted to or not, with zero maternity leave much less pay, substandard childcare, and misogynist bosses...yep..even some female bosses. We had that glass ceiling. We are still punching thtough that, and niw we are dealung with ageism.

We were expected to have it all and do it all. Little help with anything...we did the housework and the meals. We were told our birthing labor would be "uncomfortable" but that we could breathe through it. We raised you little buggers making sure you had everything, told you that you could be anything. There were no cruises, trips to Europe, and a lot of luxuries that millennials think are standard today. Our first home was a rented apt. We lived through 3 recessions...I waited in a line to fill my car for 4 hours in 1979, and had to leave my car there as there was no gas...for a week. No computers, no internet..we researched our dissertations in the library with whatever available microfiche documents or journals there were and typed those damn things on a typewriter with the citations placed at the bottom while feeding you. We went to your games, your plays, your parties.
We were called "honey" work and worried about our jobs if we took off.
We were BADASS. You got nothing on us...nothing.

Don't you dare tell us what kind of world we left for you....you have it so much better. Your worst enemies are your peers...competition, judging, one upmanship. It is tough to watch. We helped each other...babysitting clubs, play groups, etc. These women are still my friends.
And yes, I would still have kids.Best thing ever- and not afraid to admit that it was ok to be a Mom as if it would say something about my intellect.

If you don't want kids, fine, but place your blame elsewhere....and, yes, you are missing out.

Who said I a) didn’t have kids or b) am younger than you? Why would I be on this board if I was under 50? But if you want to
Make this an age thing, let’s go: Clearly age has started to cloud your thinking. Your anecdotes are cool stories but don’t hold any water when you look at the facts of economic circumstances boomers had versus what millennials had. Look at hard data about what education and housing cost relative to wages, job growth and social mobility, etc. if you’re still about to think you’ll quickly realize you’re argument is ridiculous. Your feelings and stereotypes don’t create reality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have multiple friends and a sister who are in your position. Their adult children have rejected the idea of becoming parents and seem to be perpetual children themselves, constantly moving, changing jobs and asking for financial help from their parents. I think this partially comes from the disrespect for the roles of traditional mothers, who are constantly dissed on this site and others. Being a SAHM puts women on the defensive yet working moms are often stretched beyond their limits.

Please stop perpetuating the idea that people who don’t have children are children themselves. You don’t even know if that’s the life they chose or what’s going on. Adults of childbearing age today had a lot of economic obstacles their parents never had to deal with, so you don’t know why they keep moving for jobs or asking for help. It seems like a wise and very adult, if difficult, decision to not bring children into that situation. I know that can be difficult for some of you boomers to understand, but maybe not everyone is making unlimited choices with supportive circumstances. If you wanted your children to have children, maybe you should have done more to make sure we had a world conducive to that. Or were you busy raising your kids? Maybe childless people aren’t useless.

NP here. What would be more difficult for this generation than for boomers? Absolutely cannot figure that one out.

We were the first women who were fully expected to enter the job force in the 70s and 80s, whether we wanted to or not, with zero maternity leave much less pay, substandard childcare, and misogynist bosses...yep..even some female bosses. We had that glass ceiling. We are still punching thtough that, and niw we are dealung with ageism.

We were expected to have it all and do it all. Little help with anything...we did the housework and the meals. We were told our birthing labor would be "uncomfortable" but that we could breathe through it. We raised you little buggers making sure you had everything, told you that you could be anything. There were no cruises, trips to Europe, and a lot of luxuries that millennials think are standard today. Our first home was a rented apt. We lived through 3 recessions...I waited in a line to fill my car for 4 hours in 1979, and had to leave my car there as there was no gas...for a week. No computers, no internet..we researched our dissertations in the library with whatever available microfiche documents or journals there were and typed those damn things on a typewriter with the citations placed at the bottom while feeding you. We went to your games, your plays, your parties.
We were called "honey" work and worried about our jobs if we took off.
We were BADASS. You got nothing on us...nothing.

Don't you dare tell us what kind of world we left for you....you have it so much better. Your worst enemies are your peers...competition, judging, one upmanship. It is tough to watch. We helped each other...babysitting clubs, play groups, etc. These women are still my friends.
And yes, I would still have kids.Best thing ever- and not afraid to admit that it was ok to be a Mom as if it would say something about my intellect.

If you don't want kids, fine, but place your blame elsewhere....and, yes, you are missing out.

NP but wow you sound nuts and jumped to some crazy conclusions. Also, do you think you solved the problems of sexism and no one is called honey anymore? Are you living under a rock? None of that stopped, even if it’s not directed at you anymore.

[Anonymous]

I struggle to see how raising children is meaningful to anyone in this day and age. It's very stressful to actually exist and have to suffer through life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I struggle to see how raising children is meaningful to anyone in this day and age. It's very stressful to actually exist and have to suffer through life.

Yes, but apparently it was so much tougher for one of the largest, most catered to and consumerist generations who experienced the biggest quality of life increase over their parents and left trash for their kids. At least people who have kids now wont be the whiners hanging around these boards.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sibling gave my parents one and only grandchild after they turned 48 so it can happen. I apparently am infertile and gave up because I didn't have the cash to do treatments or adopt.

Things can change OP, just be sure not to pressure your kids, or they may tell you they don't want kids just to get you off their backs.

I'm debating volunteering with kids, since I can't have any of my own.

How did this happen? Is the child genetically theirs?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I struggle to see how raising children is meaningful to anyone in this day and age. It's very stressful to actually exist and have to suffer through life.

It is your definition of life and expectations that might be the issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No one, including me, thought I would ever be a parent but a second marriage later, it felt right to have a baby and I was old. I also just went to the first wedding of a guy in his 50's with baby plans. You just never know. I wouldn't mourn the situation yet. You're very young yourself.

Ugh. I know men can do this, but they really shouldn't. It's incredibly selfish. Everyone would be all over a woman in her 50s planning to have kids--I don't think it should be any different for men.