How to tell a child that she is not going to Ivy?

[Anonymous]

Better question is why did you not save more all these years. Take the full ride. With my husbands kids they did not declare his income. He was paying child support and told mom one or the other not both but she wanted the money for herself. I am assuming they got mostly full rides as we did not hear about it again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's a sucky option, but are student loans not a possibility?

I'm sorry. This sucks but dont borrow a massive amount of money. Not worth it.

Your talented daughter will be sad now, but recover. She will thank you when it is time to go grad school and she can get some help from you and won't have loans.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like it is time to divorce for everyone. Better than paying a full ride.

[Anonymous]

Have you actually called the financial aid office to explain everything going on (the unusually large income in 2016, the divorce, dad's unwillingess to pay for school, that your daughter simply can't attend without more financial aid) to see what they say?

Also, where are you in your divorce settlement? Is there any chance of negotiating a contribution to college (or using child support continuing until she graduates to help pay college expenses) as part of the settlement? You might be hard-pressed to convince a judge that paying for college was something you both always intended given how little was put in her 529, but there's a chance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a single parent I actually have a bit of a problem with the request for more aid because the high earning dad wont pay. I am not sure the school should step in in this situation. Your family does have resources and you will need to work this out.

"The family" doesn't have resources, dad has resources and has no interest in sharing them with his daughter. That may be his prerogative, but it doesn't mean that the daughter has some alternative way to make this happen and is trying to get money she doesn't need.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I got into my dream school, back in the day, with no financial aid but loans, in a middle class family.

I went to the amazing liberal arts school that gave me a scholarship. I graduated with no loans--awfully handy when starting out and when it came time for grad school. I ended up marrying someone I met at that school too.

Maybe your DD just needs a little bit more time to process it, but at the end of the day, she will be fine. You don't need to feel guilty about this.

I did this too. My first choice fell through because promised $$ by the school didn’t pan out. In retrospect I did very well at the less prestigious school and went to Harvard for grad school so it made no real difference. If she works hard maybe she can aim for the top grad school admit.

[Anonymous]

And the dad had an unusually good year that was used on the FAFSA. OP - I have my fingers crossed for you.

Also, once divorced doesn’t the FAFSA just look at the custodial parent’s finances? Is there a chance that you will get significantly more FA years 2-4? Big loans for one year are a lot different than big loans for 4.

[Anonymous]

She absolutely needs to go to the full-ride school (UVA) in this circumstance. She's not a trust fund kid that's going to college for the experience. She's the child of separated parents that can't/won't afford paying full price for a private university. Sucks to be her, but not everyone gets everything they want in life. Luckily, she sounds like a great self-starter and will be successful no matter what, if she keeps at it.

She's going to college to ideally get a decent enough paying job that she likes in order to become a productive member of society. Going to UVA will allow her to become a productive member of society upon graduation. She'll be able to actually afford rent and home and car purchases on her own, without the pressures of debt.

$200k in Harvard debt will seriously delay that, and she'll be paying off those loans into her 40s, when by then she could have purchased a house and paid it off by then in many parts of the country.

Just so you're aware, a standard payment plan for 10 years for a student loan of $200k at 6% is $2220.41 per month. Think about that OP, look at what your take-home pay is at $50k per year. $1300 a paycheck? You're seriously considering letting your daughter go to this expensive school, setting her up for payments that neither of you can afford, even if you live together and combine income? Please.

She'd be going to an amazing school at UVA. She's not going to random unranked state school like I did, or like my wife did. What mattered for both of us is work ethic, and based on what OP says, she's fine in that department.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And the dad had an unusually good year that was used on the FAFSA. OP - I have my fingers crossed for you.

Also, once divorced doesn’t the FAFSA just look at the custodial parent’s finances? Is there a chance that you will get significantly more FA years 2-4? Big loans for one year are a lot different than big loans for 4.

What the F? Are you serious? That does not seem right. This parent was in this child’s life. That money counts. Sorry her dead wants to all of a sudden be a deadbeat but that isn’t the school’s issue.

[Anonymous]

OP - If the re-application doesn't work out...I would acknowledge that it really sucks, that you know she worked really hard, deserves the opportunity that she earned and you're sorry that circumstances out of her control aren't working out. Life happens. She's going to mourn for it and that will include cynicism and anger that hard work doesn't pay. That will make you feel even worse. BUT...she'll come out wiser on the other side and when she kills it on campus next year, both of you will feel the reality that all her efforts did not go down the drain. This is a huge test of her resiliency. What's that saying...what doesn't kill you , makes you stronger. I am positive that a year from now, a girl like her will have put this far behind her.

[Anonymous]

If this is where she really wants to go, can she ask for a gap year?

Also, if it was really a 1 time thing, then I'd refile FAFSA based on 2017 taxes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She absolutely needs to go to the full-ride school (UVA) in this circumstance. She's not a trust fund kid that's going to college for the experience. She's the child of separated parents that can't/won't afford paying full price for a private university. Sucks to be her, but not everyone gets everything they want in life. Luckily, she sounds like a great self-starter and will be successful no matter what, if she keeps at it.

She's going to college to ideally get a decent enough paying job that she likes in order to become a productive member of society. Going to UVA will allow her to become a productive member of society upon graduation. She'll be able to actually afford rent and home and car purchases on her own, without the pressures of debt.

$200k in Harvard debt will seriously delay that, and she'll be paying off those loans into her 40s, when by then she could have purchased a house and paid it off by then in many parts of the country.

Just so you're aware, a standard payment plan for 10 years for a student loan of $200k at 6% is $2220.41 per month. Think about that OP, look at what your take-home pay is at $50k per year. $1300 a paycheck? You're seriously considering letting your daughter go to this expensive school, setting her up for payments that neither of you can afford, even if you live together and combine income? Please.

She'd be going to an amazing school at UVA. She's not going to random unranked state school like I did, or like my wife did. What mattered for both of us is work ethic, and based on what OP says, she's fine in that department.

I wanted to add to my rambling here. She may be angry, especially if she was told that parents would be paying for school no matter where she goes. But, that's not her new reality now.

I went to my dream school. I got to live it. It wasn't all it was cracked up to be. I dreaded going to community college after that, but it was what I could afford, but you know what? I did the absolute best I could, got straight As, made some awesome like-minded friends, and ended up successful, in almost every aspect of life. Same story with my wife.

Tell her to keep her head up. Life is what you make it, and things will ALWAYS happen to potentially derail things.

[Anonymous]

College students are not children.

[Anonymous]

So will schools just give all of our kids full aid if we refuse to pay their tuition?
I think we should all try this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You guys are INSANE if you're advising OP to have her daughter borrow $240K for an Ivy degree over a free degree elsewhere.
The Ivy worship on this board is out of control.
Get a freaking grip!

+1

And even if the dream Ivy comes up with another $15K to match Ivy#2, it’s not worth it to go into such debt for the dream school when she has amazing other options. Your DD will be in good company at UVA - plenty of other students there who had to say no to their dream Ivy due to cost, including one of mine. You’re being too hard on yourself, OP.