How to tell a child that she is not going to Ivy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a fake post. Person making 50k only got 15k FA? No way. Not from ivy schools.

This. Harvard gives a free ride to families making less than 75k.

Yes, but it sounds like this child's family is making far more, and that Dad isn't paying his share.

This is hard, because on one hand, no young person should be punished because their parent is a selfish jerk. On the other hand, if people could simply refuse to pay and the schools would adjust financial aid, then everyone would refuse to pay.

I think you should call the school, and talk through the situation. I'd also figure out exactly what kinds of loans you're talking about and then sit down with your daughter to see if you can make a plan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - CALL THE SCHOOL, NOW. You are not the first in this position. Period. No excuse. CALL THE SCHOOL.

Thank you so much for everyone's responses. I did call the school, and they told me to fill the reconsideration form. Daughter filled it up and sent last week, attached a letter with explanation and 2017 tax return. They told it will take at least a week to review the documents. I just don't have any hopes.

We considered loans of course. It just seems a very large amount for undergrad degree (her major does not require grad school) when there is a free option.

Parenting is hard. I always thought that I was a pretty good parent, but now feel like a failure.

[Anonymous]

It would be helpful to know what the other school options are here (the ones she got into and the one offering the full ride). If you don't want to name for privacy reasons I understand but maybe a descriptor or equivalent would be helpful as people try to advise you.

I understand the position you are in but, for example, if the full ride is to another prestigious school, you might want to start talking up the advantages of her willingly choosing that option. You may not be able to resolve this money issue and I tend to agree it's probably not worth you and her going into debt for this tuition you can't afford but hard to say not knowing the other options.

She will always have the satisfaction and pride of having been accepted to an ivy. Many will have dreamed of going and not been accepted - she can take pride in knowing that they chose her. But the timing unfortunate seems off. You both may want to save money now so she can attend grad school at an ivy instead....

[Anonymous]

PO Gin - I'm not suggesting you throw in the towel on an attempt for more financial aid, just suggesting everyone wrap their heads around an alternative that won't feel like a disappointment.

[Anonymous]

PP again ^^ not PO Gin. God I hate autocorrect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - CALL THE SCHOOL, NOW. You are not the first in this position. Period. No excuse. CALL THE SCHOOL.

Thank you so much for everyone's responses. I did call the school, and they told me to fill the reconsideration form. Daughter filled it up and sent last week, attached a letter with explanation and 2017 tax return. They told it will take at least a week to review the documents. I just don't have any hopes.

We considered loans of course. It just seems a very large amount for undergrad degree (her major does not require grad school) when there is a free option.

Parenting is hard. I always thought that I was a pretty good parent, but now feel like a failure.

Is it her Dad or step-Dad you are separated from? What was his intention to pay? I would be lawyer up on this.

If your financials are this drastic and changed, you should see a much bigger FA package her sophmore year. What if he stopped paying after you accepted.

I am not sure I would throw this all away just yet.

[Anonymous]

We discussed with her to suck it up and to pay for the first year and pray the next year we might get more FA.


To the poster above: the full ride is Northeastern, the full scholarship is UVA. I will be able to pay a cost of living in UVA, which is $11-14k a year.

She got admitted to another Ivy too, and they offered a little bit more ($30K), because they have a different financial aid form that allows to put a change of circumstances info. Once we added that information, they contacted me and requested 2017 tax return. The decision to award $30K was made after they reviewed 2017 tax return. That is why I don't think her dream school comes up with anything different. I assume they use the same calculation formula. Daughter doesn't want to go there with loans and thinks that UVA without loans vs. Ivy that she doesn't care about would be a better alternative.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a fake post. Person making 50k only got 15k FA? No way. Not from ivy schools.

They taking into consideration both parents income. Father is not planning to contribute.

Sh*t Sherlock, That's not an excuse. You think people pay because they WANT to pay?

I totally agree with you and I am not questioning the schools' policy. I do want to pay, I just can't pay. As I said in my OP, I was just venting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We discussed with her to suck it up and to pay for the first year and pray the next year we might get more FA.


To the poster above: the full ride is Northeastern, the full scholarship is UVA. I will be able to pay a cost of living in UVA, which is $11-14k a year.

She got admitted to another Ivy too, and they offered a little bit more ($30K), because they have a different financial aid form that allows to put a change of circumstances info. Once we added that information, they contacted me and requested 2017 tax return. The decision to award $30K was made after they reviewed 2017 tax return. That is why I don't think her dream school comes up with anything different. I assume they use the same calculation formula. Daughter doesn't want to go there with loans and thinks that UVA without loans vs. Ivy that she doesn't care about would be a better alternative.

You need to give the financial aid offer you received from the other Ivy to her dream school. They will likely match it. If they chose your daughter, I don't think they want to lose her to another Ivy. Did you let the financial aid office at the dream school know about the other offer?

[Anonymous]

I'm PP from above. The other Ivy...why won't she go there instead?

[Anonymous]

UVA is a great school. She will get a great education there. Not going to Ivy is not the end of the world. No Ivy is worth huge loans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We discussed with her to suck it up and to pay for the first year and pray the next year we might get more FA.


To the poster above: the full ride is Northeastern, the full scholarship is UVA. I will be able to pay a cost of living in UVA, which is $11-14k a year.

She got admitted to another Ivy too, and they offered a little bit more ($30K), because they have a different financial aid form that allows to put a change of circumstances info. Once we added that information, they contacted me and requested 2017 tax return. The decision to award $30K was made after they reviewed 2017 tax return. That is why I don't think her dream school comes up with anything different. I assume they use the same calculation formula. Daughter doesn't want to go there with loans and thinks that UVA without loans vs. Ivy that she doesn't care about would be a better alternative.

Your daughter has a good head on her shoulders, OP. And your ex sounds like a d1ck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We discussed with her to suck it up and to pay for the first year and pray the next year we might get more FA.


To the poster above: the full ride is Northeastern, the full scholarship is UVA. I will be able to pay a cost of living in UVA, which is $11-14k a year.

She got admitted to another Ivy too, and they offered a little bit more ($30K), because they have a different financial aid form that allows to put a change of circumstances info. Once we added that information, they contacted me and requested 2017 tax return. The decision to award $30K was made after they reviewed 2017 tax return. That is why I don't think her dream school comes up with anything different. I assume they use the same calculation formula. Daughter doesn't want to go there with loans and thinks that UVA without loans vs. Ivy that she doesn't care about would be a better alternative.

You need to give the financial aid offer you received from the other Ivy to her dream school. They will likely match it. If they chose your daughter, I don't think they want to lose her to another Ivy. Did you let the financial aid office at the dream school know about the other offer?

Yes, after we filed for reconsideration. I attached the full offer and full scholarship offer, and another Ivy offer. Do you think they going to bring it up to $30?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We discussed with her to suck it up and to pay for the first year and pray the next year we might get more FA.


To the poster above: the full ride is Northeastern, the full scholarship is UVA. I will be able to pay a cost of living in UVA, which is $11-14k a year.

She got admitted to another Ivy too, and they offered a little bit more ($30K), because they have a different financial aid form that allows to put a change of circumstances info. Once we added that information, they contacted me and requested 2017 tax return. The decision to award $30K was made after they reviewed 2017 tax return. That is why I don't think her dream school comes up with anything different. I assume they use the same calculation formula. Daughter doesn't want to go there with loans and thinks that UVA without loans vs. Ivy that she doesn't care about would be a better alternative.

Your daughter has a good head on her shoulders, OP. And your ex sounds like a d1ck.

I know, thank you though. I know she will do well no matter where she will go, just wanted her to live her dream life and have more opportunities in future.

[Anonymous]

As a single parent I actually have a bit of a problem with the request for more aid because the high earning dad wont pay. I am not sure the school should step in in this situation. Your family does have resources and you will need to work this out.