How to tell a child that she is not going to Ivy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So will schools just give all of our kids full aid if we refuse to pay their tuition?
I think we should all try this.

The problem here is the dad who apparently makes so much money that the kid who should otherwise qualify for aid doesn't. Should the kid be penalized because Dad is an a'hole? What's too bad is that they saved so little along the way - that's a little curious given that the income must be high.

But if the kid has a full ride to UVA I don't feel too bad for her and it definitely isn't worth taking out a lot of loans for an Ivy when you can go to UVA for free.

[Anonymous]

Why did she apply to a school that you know you cannot pay for?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: Why did she apply to a school that you know you cannot pay for?

Maybe the dad became even more of a a'hole hence the separation/impending divorce.

[Anonymous]

Why isn't anyone point out that if the father shouldn't chip in his share the father should be the one breaking that to the daughter directly. It is everyone's fault but he's clearly being the biggest problem here.

[Anonymous]

Problem here is not your income or the school's calculations...it is the type of guy who provided the sperm when you had her.

Sorry to be harsh, but if he made a lot in 2016, and KNEW his daughter's age..he should have put a big chunk aside for college.

the person disappointing your daughter is her father. Perhaps she can explain this to him. If he is selfish and does not care about their relationship, he may not care.

remember, next year's aid will be based upon the normal salary, so it may go up.

Sorry for all of the stress your family is experiencing. There certainly are many stories of people who could not attend their dream school, and excelled as a result. (see "Where you go is not who'll you'll be")

[Anonymous]

My husband turned down Harvard and Williams for a full ride at UVA. He was disappointed at the time but had a great time at UVA, went to an Ivy for grad school, and is very happy with his life. His single mom is now very financially stable.

My parents took out huge loans to finance my Ivy education (plus siblings) and as a result have a pretty lean retirement. I feel very guilty about this and wish I'd better understood at the time what they were sacrificing. I help them out financially as much as I can, but my career is fulfilling but not lucrative so its tough.

Just some perspective there for you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband turned down Harvard and Williams for a full ride at UVA. He was disappointed at the time but had a great time at UVA, went to an Ivy for grad school, and is very happy with his life. His single mom is now very financially stable.

My parents took out huge loans to finance my Ivy education (plus siblings) and as a result have a pretty lean retirement. I feel very guilty about this and wish I'd better understood at the time what they were sacrificing. I help them out financially as much as I can, but my career is fulfilling but not lucrative so its tough.

Just some perspective there for you

+1

Student loans could be crippling. They can delay adult milestones by decades, including going to grad school, buying a house, having children. They influence very heavily the kind of job that a person can take. If it all possible, they should be avoided.

My son turned down MIT and Williams, and is attending UMDCP on a full ride. He can and probably will go to a prestigious university for graduate school, on their dime.

[Anonymous]

Also, which Ivy matters. If it's Cornell, it's not a big deal. Full ride looks better and better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We discussed with her to suck it up and to pay for the first year and pray the next year we might get more FA.


To the poster above: the full ride is Northeastern, the full scholarship is UVA. I will be able to pay a cost of living in UVA, which is $11-14k a year.

She got admitted to another Ivy too, and they offered a little bit more ($30K), because they have a different financial aid form that allows to put a change of circumstances info. Once we added that information, they contacted me and requested 2017 tax return. The decision to award $30K was made after they reviewed 2017 tax return. That is why I don't think her dream school comes up with anything different. I assume they use the same calculation formula. Daughter doesn't want to go there with loans and thinks that UVA without loans vs. Ivy that she doesn't care about would be a better alternative.

You need to give the financial aid offer you received from the other Ivy to her dream school. They will likely match it. If they chose your daughter, I don't think they want to lose her to another Ivy. Did you let the financial aid office at the dream school know about the other offer?

Yes, after we filed for reconsideration. I attached the full offer and full scholarship offer, and another Ivy offer. Do you think they going to bring it up to $30?

I think you have a good shot and your appeal is much stronger with the other Ivy offer. If dream Ivy is Brown (I'm guessing based on the numbers you posted), they might not meet it 100% - they aren't as flush as some of the others. But it is totally worth seeing the appeal through to find out for sure. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So will schools just give all of our kids full aid if we refuse to pay their tuition?
I think we should all try this.

The problem here is the dad who apparently makes so much money that the kid who should otherwise qualify for aid doesn't. Should the kid be penalized because Dad is an a'hole? What's too bad is that they saved so little along the way - that's a little curious given that the income must be high.

But if the kid has a full ride to UVA I don't feel too bad for her and it definitely isn't worth taking out a lot of loans for an Ivy when you can go to UVA for free.

There are a ton of kids who are penalized because their parents were irresponsible with their money or refuse to pay for an expensive college or decide to spend the money on other things instead. Should the colleges bail out all these kids of high earners?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So will schools just give all of our kids full aid if we refuse to pay their tuition?
I think we should all try this.

The problem here is the dad who apparently makes so much money that the kid who should otherwise qualify for aid doesn't. Should the kid be penalized because Dad is an a'hole? What's too bad is that they saved so little along the way - that's a little curious given that the income must be high.

But if the kid has a full ride to UVA I don't feel too bad for her and it definitely isn't worth taking out a lot of loans for an Ivy when you can go to UVA for free.

No, the problem here is tuition that increases every year at a pace far higher than the rate of inflation.

The dad's $200K is not the problem.

[Anonymous]

I would like to put a deposit and just settle on one college. I know there are tons of kids on the waiting list to that school. But she keeps delaying it day after day, hoping the miracle is going to happen. And I am crying every night after I talk to her (not in front of her). I want her to go to her dream school because I know she deserves it, but there are nothing I can do to get her there

Op, you are thinking too much about your discomfort ... you want to put the deposit down and be done with it. Sorry. Your DD is working through her disappointment and you have to go along for the ride. I feel your pain but you do not get to shorten this process to minimize your pain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She absolutely needs to go to the full-ride school (UVA) in this circumstance. She's not a trust fund kid that's going to college for the experience. She's the child of separated parents that can't/won't afford paying full price for a private university. Sucks to be her, but not everyone gets everything they want in life. Luckily, she sounds like a great self-starter and will be successful no matter what, if she keeps at it.

She's going to college to ideally get a decent enough paying job that she likes in order to become a productive member of society. Going to UVA will allow her to become a productive member of society upon graduation. She'll be able to actually afford rent and home and car purchases on her own, without the pressures of debt.

$200k in Harvard debt will seriously delay that, and she'll be paying off those loans into her 40s, when by then she could have purchased a house and paid it off by then in many parts of the country.

Just so you're aware, a standard payment plan for 10 years for a student loan of $200k at 6% is $2220.41 per month. Think about that OP, look at what your take-home pay is at $50k per year. $1300 a paycheck? You're seriously considering letting your daughter go to this expensive school, setting her up for payments that neither of you can afford, even if you live together and combine income? Please.

She'd be going to an amazing school at UVA. She's not going to random unranked state school like I did, or like my wife did. What mattered for both of us is work ethic, and based on what OP says, she's fine in that department.

+1 finally someone with some common sense...great analysis of her options. There are so many delusional parents thinking an ivy education is the only way to be successful in life...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And the dad had an unusually good year that was used on the FAFSA. OP - I have my fingers crossed for you.

Also, once divorced doesn’t the FAFSA just look at the custodial parent’s finances? Is there a chance that you will get significantly more FA years 2-4? Big loans for one year are a lot different than big loans for 4.

What the F? Are you serious? That does not seem right. This parent was in this child’s life. That money counts. Sorry her dead wants to all of a sudden be a deadbeat but that isn’t the school’s issue.

I am not at this stage yet but this is my understanding from (1) my sister who was divorced and only her household income, including her new husband (nephews stepfather), were the basis for the FAFA - not the fathers, and (2) a good friend who is a stepparent and her income (the step mom’s) along with her husband’s income were counted because they were the custodial parents and it did not matter that the mom was low income. So it cuts both ways, sometimes you get more and sometimes you get less. Here, if the custodial parent only makes 50K, I would expect more FA.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If this is where she really wants to go, can she ask for a gap year?

Also, if it was really a 1 time thing, then I'd refile FAFSA based on 2017 taxes.

Exactly. Defer a year and get situated financially.