Sleeping with married men

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't have any patience for cheating, but I don't know that asking wives in sexless marriages would add much reliability to the conversation. They have every reason to rationalize, even to themselves, why they stopped having sex with their husbands.

Even if the real reason is "I got bored, and my body stopped wanting to have sex," the wife will want the resulting destruction of her marriage to not be her fault and will, therefore, highlight and magnify every perceived failure of her husband and attribute those as being the "real" reason she stopped wanting to have sex with him.

It would, if these marriages aren't really sexless.

To a certain extent. If she reported having sex twice a week, that's pretty clear evidence that the dude is just making shit up. But, if it's one of those deals where they have sex every two months which she rounds up in her head to "every few weeks," then you're not getting any solid information.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How the author makes assumptions based on the words of cheaters is a real stretch. Cheaters have been known to lie!

It would be interesting to know if a study has ever been done on cheaters that has actually gotten to the real truth rather than the stories created by cheaters to in some way justify their cheating. Cheaters tend to blame others for their failures.

I don't think there is any "real truth" there. The only real truth is that some people view sex outside of marriage as OK, and some do not. This is why you have married men (and women) with regular sex at home who still get it elsewhere. Or not. It is either morally acceptable to you (and then you get it, given the opportunity), or it is not, and you don't. If you think it's OK to sleep with other people, then any reason is a good enough reason. We had a bad argument, my tea was cold, etc.

This thread is NOT about people who "have regular sex at home" so your statements about morality do not really apply. This thread is about the obvious consequences of a marriage where sexual needs are NOT being met... ie, the normal party finds it elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How the author makes assumptions based on the words of cheaters is a real stretch. Cheaters have been known to lie!

It would be interesting to know if a study has ever been done on cheaters that has actually gotten to the real truth rather than the stories created by cheaters to in some way justify their cheating. Cheaters tend to blame others for their failures.

I don't think there is any "real truth" there. The only real truth is that some people view sex outside of marriage as OK, and some do not. This is why you have married men (and women) with regular sex at home who still get it elsewhere. Or not. It is either morally acceptable to you (and then you get it, given the opportunity), or it is not, and you don't. If you think it's OK to sleep with other people, then any reason is a good enough reason. We had a bad argument, my tea was cold, etc.

This thread is NOT about people who "have regular sex at home" so your statements about morality do not really apply. This thread is about the obvious consequences of a marriage where sexual needs are NOT being met... ie, the normal party finds it elsewhere.

No, not really. The OP of this thread is about sleeping with married men and the stories they tell. The woman in the article only knows what her married lovers tell her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't have any patience for cheating, but I don't know that asking wives in sexless marriages would add much reliability to the conversation. They have every reason to rationalize, even to themselves, why they stopped having sex with their husbands.

Even if the real reason is "I got bored, and my body stopped wanting to have sex," the wife will want the resulting destruction of her marriage to not be her fault and will, therefore, highlight and magnify every perceived failure of her husband and attribute those as being the "real" reason she stopped wanting to have sex with him.

It would, if these marriages aren't really sexless.

To a certain extent. If she reported having sex twice a week, that's pretty clear evidence that the dude is just making shit up. But, if it's one of those deals where they have sex every two months which she rounds up in her head to "every few weeks," then you're not getting any solid information.

Sexless marriages, and extramarital affairs that result from such marriages, are too common a topic for it not to happen. As an older teenager, I remember my aunt and uncle getting into an argument in front of me. My uncle then said rather loudly "and she won't even have sex with me." I was mortified and so shocked at his bluntness. My aunt just sat there on the steps and just looked down. Yes, I knew my uncle had a girlfriend. I also knew that my aunt, while newly married, had cheated with the father of her first child (the child that my uncle adopted).

From that day forward, I knew that marriages are complex and that neither party is innocent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How the author makes assumptions based on the words of cheaters is a real stretch. Cheaters have been known to lie!

It would be interesting to know if a study has ever been done on cheaters that has actually gotten to the real truth rather than the stories created by cheaters to in some way justify their cheating. Cheaters tend to blame others for their failures.

I don't think there is any "real truth" there. The only real truth is that some people view sex outside of marriage as OK, and some do not. This is why you have married men (and women) with regular sex at home who still get it elsewhere. Or not. It is either morally acceptable to you (and then you get it, given the opportunity), or it is not, and you don't. If you think it's OK to sleep with other people, then any reason is a good enough reason. We had a bad argument, my tea was cold, etc.

This thread is NOT about people who "have regular sex at home" so your statements about morality do not really apply. This thread is about the obvious consequences of a marriage where sexual needs are NOT being met... ie, the normal party finds it elsewhere.

No, not really. The OP of this thread is about sleeping with married men and the stories they tell. The woman in the article only knows what her married lovers tell her.

On what basis would you NOT believe these men? Most of the women here on DCUM routinely avoid sex (with husband). The story checks out. Even the harpies on this thread screaming "these men are liars!" aren't denying their own loss of desire.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tons of married men who sleep with other women aren't doing it because their marriage is sexless. They are doing it because they are bored with monogamy and wait novelty, there's all there is to it. Some men also want to have the kind of sex with their APs that they explicitly DON"T want to have with their wives, and would be horrified to learn their wives may want. In their minds, wives are for one thing, and APs are for something else.

I'm 57 and still do my best to give my DH no good reason to want to go elsewhere. Early on in our marriage vanilla sex was just fine but over time I realized that it wasn't enough for me and I'm sure not for him. I can't match some young AP's hard body but I'm pretty sure I can match their "novelty". My DH is definitely not "horrified" with what I like and want as he is the main beneficiary.

I was a goody two shoes catholic girl with limited sexual experience before I met DH. 32 years later I swear the nuns would now call me a dirty girl given the things I love to do with my DH. If he has sexual needs I'm not fulfilling he just needs to ask.

Your DH is a very lucky man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would bet money most of those men were regularly having sex with their wives too. This is the most common boohoo story cheaters use.

Why would you place that bet? It is well known that wives lose interest in sex (with husband). The author was already having sex with these men, there was no reason to make up a boohoo story at that point. What makes you such an expert on the common boohoo stories that cheaters use?

No reason to make a boo hoo story =/= telling the truth. People lie for no reason ALL THE TIME. Look at Brian Williams or Donald Trump.

I thought that the weakest part of the article was that she was relying on these dudes representations. It would have been much more interesting if she used actual data and/or had some sort of professional background that would support her view that talking about stuff would fix everything.

It would be interesting (although it would never happen) to compare-and-contrast the husband the wife story. That is, the story the man tells his AP, and the story the wife would tell about her marriage.

It would also be interesting to ask your husband when was the last time YOU initiated sex?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How the author makes assumptions based on the words of cheaters is a real stretch. Cheaters have been known to lie!

It would be interesting to know if a study has ever been done on cheaters that has actually gotten to the real truth rather than the stories created by cheaters to in some way justify their cheating. Cheaters tend to blame others for their failures.

I don't think there is any "real truth" there. The only real truth is that some people view sex outside of marriage as OK, and some do not. This is why you have married men (and women) with regular sex at home who still get it elsewhere. Or not. It is either morally acceptable to you (and then you get it, given the opportunity), or it is not, and you don't. If you think it's OK to sleep with other people, then any reason is a good enough reason. We had a bad argument, my tea was cold, etc.

This thread is NOT about people who "have regular sex at home" so your statements about morality do not really apply. This thread is about the obvious consequences of a marriage where sexual needs are NOT being met... ie, the normal party finds it elsewhere.

No, not really. The OP of this thread is about sleeping with married men and the stories they tell. The woman in the article only knows what her married lovers tell her.

On what basis would you NOT believe these men? Most of the women here on DCUM routinely avoid sex (with husband). The story checks out. Even the harpies on this thread screaming "these men are liars!" aren't denying their own loss of desire.

It sounds a lot more sympathetic to say "my wife doesn't have sex with me" than to say "I have regular sex with my wife but would like to sleep with you as well." That's why.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How the author makes assumptions based on the words of cheaters is a real stretch. Cheaters have been known to lie!

It would be interesting to know if a study has ever been done on cheaters that has actually gotten to the real truth rather than the stories created by cheaters to in some way justify their cheating. Cheaters tend to blame others for their failures.

I don't think there is any "real truth" there. The only real truth is that some people view sex outside of marriage as OK, and some do not. This is why you have married men (and women) with regular sex at home who still get it elsewhere. Or not. It is either morally acceptable to you (and then you get it, given the opportunity), or it is not, and you don't. If you think it's OK to sleep with other people, then any reason is a good enough reason. We had a bad argument, my tea was cold, etc.

This thread is NOT about people who "have regular sex at home" so your statements about morality do not really apply. This thread is about the obvious consequences of a marriage where sexual needs are NOT being met... ie, the normal party finds it elsewhere.

No, not really. The OP of this thread is about sleeping with married men and the stories they tell. The woman in the article only knows what her married lovers tell her.

On what basis would you NOT believe these men? Most of the women here on DCUM routinely avoid sex (with husband). The story checks out. Even the harpies on this thread screaming "these men are liars!" aren't denying their own loss of desire.

It sounds a lot more sympathetic to say "my wife doesn't have sex with me" than to say "I have regular sex with my wife but would like to sleep with you as well." That's why.

Do you regularly initiate sex with your husband? Didn’t think so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would bet money most of those men were regularly having sex with their wives too. This is the most common boohoo story cheaters use.

Why would you place that bet? It is well known that wives lose interest in sex (with husband). The author was already having sex with these men, there was no reason to make up a boohoo story at that point. What makes you such an expert on the common boohoo stories that cheaters use?

No reason to make a boo hoo story =/= telling the truth. People lie for no reason ALL THE TIME. Look at Brian Williams or Donald Trump.

I thought that the weakest part of the article was that she was relying on these dudes representations. It would have been much more interesting if she used actual data and/or had some sort of professional background that would support her view that talking about stuff would fix everything.

It would be interesting (although it would never happen) to compare-and-contrast the husband the wife story. That is, the story the man tells his AP, and the story the wife would tell about her marriage.

It would also be interesting to ask your husband when was the last time YOU initiated sex?

Yesterday, you weirdo.

Just because I pointed out the obvious fact that this article is stupid/fake enlightened and her source material is of dubious credibility doesn’t mean that I’m in a sexless marriage like you clearly are.

[Anonymous]

Two friends I have, are sleeping around outside their marriage, are having sex with both their dh and AP. And, the married men they are sleeping with are also having sex with their DW, my friend, and potentially another AP. Apparently sleeping with two women isn't enough for him, so he is squeezing a third in there.

And I've minimized my friendship with them because I don't care that they want to have sex nonstop with any decent person they can pick up. Some people have super high sex drives and aren't satisfied unless they are having sex multiple times a day,with different people, and then boasting about it to their uninvolved friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would bet money most of those men were regularly having sex with their wives too. This is the most common boohoo story cheaters use.

Why would you place that bet? It is well known that wives lose interest in sex (with husband). The author was already having sex with these men, there was no reason to make up a boohoo story at that point. What makes you such an expert on the common boohoo stories that cheaters use?

No reason to make a boo hoo story =/= telling the truth. People lie for no reason ALL THE TIME. Look at Brian Williams or Donald Trump.

I thought that the weakest part of the article was that she was relying on these dudes representations. It would have been much more interesting if she used actual data and/or had some sort of professional background that would support her view that talking about stuff would fix everything.

It would be interesting (although it would never happen) to compare-and-contrast the husband the wife story. That is, the story the man tells his AP, and the story the wife would tell about her marriage.

It would also be interesting to ask your husband when was the last time YOU initiated sex?

Yesterday, you weirdo.

Just because I pointed out the obvious fact that this article is stupid/fake enlightened and her source material is of dubious credibility doesn’t mean that I’m in a sexless marriage like you clearly are.

I will need to compare-and-contrast your husband’s story about just how much sex you really initiate. Apparently, some people will lie about their sex lives, even when it really makes no difference at all, simply to bolster some storyline which they want to portray.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my good friends “dated” a married guy for a few years who told her he was in a sexless marriage. Lo and behold, she found out he and his wife had two new babies in two years during that “sexless” period. When confronted, he changed his story and claimed it was because his wife didn’t understand him (and my friend did I guess?) Bet his wife would’ve had a different story to tell about their “sexless” marriage.

She wasn't dating him BECAUSE of his sexless marriage, so why does it even matter? Marriages where sex occurs 10X per year are considered sexless so I am not sure what you think you are proving here.

Considered by whom? Cite a source. Or is a sexless marriage one where the husband doesn’t get sex any time he wants it?

But she was indeed dating him in large part because she thought his marriage was sexless. She felt bad for him, he was so lonely and needed her loving touch, he was such a good daddy and a good guy for not wanting to leave his family, people just didn’t understand etc. She freaked the eff out when she realized his family grew by 2 while he claimed he had a dead bedroom.

Wait a second... you mean a woman is more likely to provide sex if a dude tells her his marriage is sexless? She will feel bad and offer her loving touch so he won't be so lonely? Holy toledo, this is fantastic news! I know about 40 million men that will be ecstatic to hear about this. DCUM is about to break the internet with this headline "solve your sexless marriage with this one weird trick". Ashley Madison is going out of business now that the secret to finding your next mistress has just been revealed, right here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Wait a second... you mean a woman is more likely to provide sex if a dude tells her his marriage is sexless? She will feel bad and offer her loving touch so he won't be so lonely? Holy toledo, this is fantastic news! I know about 40 million men that will be ecstatic to hear about this. DCUM is about to break the internet with this headline "solve your sexless marriage with this one weird trick". Ashley Madison is going out of business now that the secret to finding your next mistress has just been revealed, right here.

"My wife is awesome, beautiful, intelligent, great cook, fantastic mother and partner. We have regular, mind-blowing sex. We want to have more children. With that said, I'd like to sleep with you too," - said no married man to a potential AP, ever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my good friends “dated” a married guy for a few years who told her he was in a sexless marriage. Lo and behold, she found out he and his wife had two new babies in two years during that “sexless” period. When confronted, he changed his story and claimed it was because his wife didn’t understand him (and my friend did I guess?) Bet his wife would’ve had a different story to tell about their “sexless” marriage.

She wasn't dating him BECAUSE of his sexless marriage, so why does it even matter? Marriages where sex occurs 10X per year are considered sexless so I am not sure what you think you are proving here.

Considered by whom? Cite a source. Or is a sexless marriage one where the husband doesn’t get sex any time he wants it?

Wikipedia for one. Just google "sexless marriage definition" or here is one of many links https://www.prevention.com/sex/myths-about-sexless-marriages which says:
MYTH #1: People in sexless marriages NEVER have sex.
Surprisingly, sex doesn't have to be entirely off the menu for a marriage to be considered sexless—experts actually define the term as having sex fewer than 10 times a year.