Sleeping with married men

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tons of married men who sleep with other women aren't doing it because their marriage is sexless. They are doing it because they are bored with monogamy and wait novelty, there's all there is to it. Some men also want to have the kind of sex with their APs that they explicitly DON"T want to have with their wives, and would be horrified to learn their wives may want. In their minds, wives are for one thing, and APs are for something else.

I'm 57 and still do my best to give my DH no good reason to want to go elsewhere. Early on in our marriage vanilla sex was just fine but over time I realized that it wasn't enough for me and I'm sure not for him. I can't match some young AP's hard body but I'm pretty sure I can match their "novelty". My DH is definitely not "horrified" with what I like and want as he is the main beneficiary.

What does any of this have to do with your DH? Is he like every other man in the world?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH and I both read this article this morning and discussed it for a few minutes mostly in regard to women losing their desire for sex. I told him that I rarely have the "urge" for sex the way he does but that I always enjoy it when we do. But I couldn't do it 3-4 times a week but 1-2 times is fine. We are both in our early 60's so he didn't raise a complaint. We didn't talk about what would happen if I had no interest in sex at all. But I do know it would be a big problem for him though I know his moral bar is very high. But even with that I'm just not sure what would happen.

You would issue him a permanent hall pass because you love him and want to meet his needs.

PP here - I don't think I could nor do I think he would take one. We've been married over 35 years and have a very special relationship and yes, sex has been an important part of it. I do believe that sex in some way, shape or form will continue to be a part of our lives until health issues arise which is inevitable.

That would be extemely selfish and unloving to declare you no longer want sex therefore he must also be celibate against his will and biology. He would be equally justified to give himself a hall pass. Let’s hope that dilemma never comes.

Please read carefully! I didn't say that I would ever declare I no longer want sex. I said that at some point in our lives one of us will likely have health issues that could prevent us from having sex.

Sex is alot more than just PIV, so it's hard to imagine exactly what kind of health issue (maybe total paralysis or comma?) could ever cause that?

Low T causes it in men. There is medication but it used to give my DH heart palpitations so he went off it. He just truly doesn't care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tons of married men who sleep with other women aren't doing it because their marriage is sexless. They are doing it because they are bored with monogamy and wait novelty, there's all there is to it. Some men also want to have the kind of sex with their APs that they explicitly DON"T want to have with their wives, and would be horrified to learn their wives may want. In their minds, wives are for one thing, and APs are for something else.

The author wrote that most of her partners were (claiming to be) in sexless marriage scenario. I certainly believe them. It’s just so true and common that wives lose interest in sex (with husband) resulting in men who sleep with other women. There are probably 10 active DCUM threads right now filled with low desire women. Also there is no good reason for those men to lie to her about it, she was already having sex with them so there is nothing to gain by lying.

Of course you believe them, it works for your narrative. It is also extremely true and common for human beings to desire novelty in the bedroom. There is an excellent reason for these men to lie to her about it because the story of "my wife doesn't want to sleep with me" is a lot more sympathetic than "I have regular sex with my wife but your body is different from hers so I want to have sex with you too". Why do you think the most traumatic event in any mistress' life is usually the announcement of the wife's next pregnancy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would bet money most of those men were regularly having sex with their wives too. This is the most common boohoo story cheaters use.

Exactly. A close second is “My DW is a total bitch/shrew and I’m only staying with her because of the kids.”

Another classic.
The fact that this is published in the NYTimes is an insult to my intelligence. The fact that there is now a huge thread where everyone is now getting on the bandwagon attacking dried up asexual women is an insult to my gender.
Every other day there’s a thread complaining about how many married men there are online. In almost every instance I’ve seen of cheating, it was the person cheating that stopped wanting to have sex or even carried on sleeping with their spouse and someone else. I can’t even believe I have to defend the victims of cheating here!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Very interesting article in today's NYT on the above. I'd love to hear others reactions.

https://www.nytimes.com/2018/04/06/style/modern-love-sleeping-with-married-men-infidelity.html?rref=collection%2Fcolumn%2Fmodern-love&action=click&contentCollection=fashion®ion=stream&module=stream_unit&version=latest&contentPlacement=1&pgtype=collection

I think that no matter what anybody does.. They end up dissatisfied with the world. That's why we hope to go to heaven.

PP, you got it. Mwaaah

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tons of married men who sleep with other women aren't doing it because their marriage is sexless. They are doing it because they are bored with monogamy and wait novelty, there's all there is to it. Some men also want to have the kind of sex with their APs that they explicitly DON"T want to have with their wives, and would be horrified to learn their wives may want. In their minds, wives are for one thing, and APs are for something else.

I'm 57 and still do my best to give my DH no good reason to want to go elsewhere. Early on in our marriage vanilla sex was just fine but over time I realized that it wasn't enough for me and I'm sure not for him. I can't match some young AP's hard body but I'm pretty sure I can match their "novelty". My DH is definitely not "horrified" with what I like and want as he is the main beneficiary.

What does any of this have to do with your DH? Is he like every other man in the world?

He's not like every other man in the world given so many don't have their needs met at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would bet money most of those men were regularly having sex with their wives too. This is the most common boohoo story cheaters use.

Exactly. A close second is “My DW is a total bitch/shrew and I’m only staying with her because of the kids.”

Another classic.
The fact that this is published in the NYTimes is an insult to my intelligence. The fact that there is now a huge thread where everyone is now getting on the bandwagon attacking dried up asexual women is an insult to my gender.
Every other day there’s a thread complaining about how many married men there are online. In almost every instance I’ve seen of cheating, it was the person cheating that stopped wanting to have sex or even carried on sleeping with their spouse and someone else. I can’t even believe I have to defend the victims of cheating here!

Now that Craigslist personals are gone, they are infiltrating the dating sites even more. This morning . . .

Bumble--Joe, 50, Villanova University, 1989. "I'm a married guy, just looking for new friends. Don't judge. Music, movies, fitness, sports, books, coffee, good beer. Pretty simple!" White, blue eyes, Marine haircut, mole below his lower lip, thin lips.


Friends, really? On a dating site, and he is looking for friends. I don't think you realize the number of married men in the DC area that cheat on their wives. There is something going on with the state of marriage in this area.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tons of married men who sleep with other women aren't doing it because their marriage is sexless. They are doing it because they are bored with monogamy and wait novelty, there's all there is to it. Some men also want to have the kind of sex with their APs that they explicitly DON"T want to have with their wives, and would be horrified to learn their wives may want. In their minds, wives are for one thing, and APs are for something else.

I'm 57 and still do my best to give my DH no good reason to want to go elsewhere. Early on in our marriage vanilla sex was just fine but over time I realized that it wasn't enough for me and I'm sure not for him. I can't match some young AP's hard body but I'm pretty sure I can match their "novelty". My DH is definitely not "horrified" with what I like and want as he is the main beneficiary.

What does any of this have to do with your DH? Is he like every other man in the world?

He's not like every other man in the world given so many don't have their needs met at home.

Home is not a vending machine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would bet money most of those men were regularly having sex with their wives too. This is the most common boohoo story cheaters use.

Exactly. A close second is “My DW is a total bitch/shrew and I’m only staying with her because of the kids.”

Another classic.
The fact that this is published in the NYTimes is an insult to my intelligence. The fact that there is now a huge thread where everyone is now getting on the bandwagon attacking dried up asexual women is an insult to my gender.
Every other day there’s a thread complaining about how many married men there are online. In almost every instance I’ve seen of cheating, it was the person cheating that stopped wanting to have sex or even carried on sleeping with their spouse and someone else. I can’t even believe I have to defend the victims of cheating here!

Now that Craigslist personals are gone, they are infiltrating the dating sites even more. This morning . . .

Bumble--Joe, 50, Villanova University, 1989. "I'm a married guy, just looking for new friends. Don't judge. Music, movies, fitness, sports, books, coffee, good beer. Pretty simple!" White, blue eyes, Marine haircut, mole below his lower lip, thin lips.


Friends, really? On a dating site, and he is looking for friends. I don't think you realize the number of married men in the DC area that cheat on their wives. There is something going on with the state of marriage in this area.

We all know what kind of *friend* he is looking for if he is on a Bumble, Tinder, etc. Stop getting your panties in a wad over semantics. I saw another guy who is looking for “f*buddies” but he was in his 20s and more direct.

Marriage has probably always been like this but it’s a lot easier now with dating apps. And it isn’t just husbands either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Marriage has probably always been like this but it’s a lot easier now with dating apps. And it isn’t just husbands either.

Yes. That's one thing that it kind of boggles the mind when grown adults don't understand it.

Marriage has never been seen as an outlet for varied, hugely satisfying, mind-blowing sex. Marriage is for joining assets, companionship, and raising children. If you manage a good sex life with all of this, good for you. But that's never been the point of the institution. Women have forever been divided into wives and nonwives, and what nonwives do in bed with other people's husbands have never bothered wives. Married men may gripe to you about boring sex at home but the truth is every one of them have dated girls who weren't boring in bed but chose to marry someone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Marriage has probably always been like this but it’s a lot easier now with dating apps. And it isn’t just husbands either.

Yes. That's one thing that it kind of boggles the mind when grown adults don't understand it.

Marriage has never been seen as an outlet for varied, hugely satisfying, mind-blowing sex. Marriage is for joining assets, companionship, and raising children. If you manage a good sex life with all of this, good for you. But that's never been the point of the institution. Women have forever been divided into wives and nonwives, and what nonwives do in bed with other people's husbands have never bothered wives. Married men may gripe to you about boring sex at home but the truth is every one of them have dated girls who weren't boring in bed but chose to marry someone else.

No. Men don’t marry women who are boring in bed in this day and age unless they are dumb as sh’t but even the most exciting partner gets boring after 20+ yrs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Marriage has probably always been like this but it’s a lot easier now with dating apps. And it isn’t just husbands either.

Yes. That's one thing that it kind of boggles the mind when grown adults don't understand it.

Marriage has never been seen as an outlet for varied, hugely satisfying, mind-blowing sex. Marriage is for joining assets, companionship, and raising children. If you manage a good sex life with all of this, good for you. But that's never been the point of the institution. Women have forever been divided into wives and nonwives, and what nonwives do in bed with other people's husbands have never bothered wives. Married men may gripe to you about boring sex at home but the truth is every one of them have dated girls who weren't boring in bed but chose to marry someone else.

No. Men don’t marry women who are boring in bed in this day and age unless they are dumb as sh’t but even the most exciting partner gets boring after 20+ yrs.

Yes. They do if everything else works out. And it's all going to get boring anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Marriage has probably always been like this but it’s a lot easier now with dating apps. And it isn’t just husbands either.

Yes. That's one thing that it kind of boggles the mind when grown adults don't understand it.

Marriage has never been seen as an outlet for varied, hugely satisfying, mind-blowing sex. Marriage is for joining assets, companionship, and raising children. If you manage a good sex life with all of this, good for you. But that's never been the point of the institution. Women have forever been divided into wives and nonwives, and what nonwives do in bed with other people's husbands have never bothered wives. Married men may gripe to you about boring sex at home but the truth is every one of them have dated girls who weren't boring in bed but chose to marry someone else.

No. Men don’t marry women who are boring in bed in this day and age unless they are dumb as sh’t but even the most exciting partner gets boring after 20+ yrs.

Yes. They do if everything else works out. And it's all going to get boring anyway.

Then I feel sorry for you.

[Anonymous]

^and even worse for your partner. A marriage that lacked true passion and was boring sexually from the beginning is sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Marriage has probably always been like this but it’s a lot easier now with dating apps. And it isn’t just husbands either.

Yes. That's one thing that it kind of boggles the mind when grown adults don't understand it.

Marriage has never been seen as an outlet for varied, hugely satisfying, mind-blowing sex. Marriage is for joining assets, companionship, and raising children. If you manage a good sex life with all of this, good for you. But that's never been the point of the institution. Women have forever been divided into wives and nonwives, and what nonwives do in bed with other people's husbands have never bothered wives. Married men may gripe to you about boring sex at home but the truth is every one of them have dated girls who weren't boring in bed but chose to marry someone else.

If that is the case, why do women divorce cheating husbands?