Sleeping with married men

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would bet money most of those men were regularly having sex with their wives too. This is the most common boohoo story cheaters use.

Why would you place that bet? It is well known that wives lose interest in sex (with husband). The author was already having sex with these men, there was no reason to make up a boohoo story at that point. What makes you such an expert on the common boohoo stories that cheaters use?

No reason to make a boo hoo story =/= telling the truth. People lie for no reason ALL THE TIME. Look at Brian Williams or Donald Trump.

I thought that the weakest part of the article was that she was relying on these dudes representations. It would have been much more interesting if she used actual data and/or had some sort of professional background that would support her view that talking about stuff would fix everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Marriage has probably always been like this but it’s a lot easier now with dating apps. And it isn’t just husbands either.

Yes. That's one thing that it kind of boggles the mind when grown adults don't understand it.

Marriage has never been seen as an outlet for varied, hugely satisfying, mind-blowing sex. Marriage is for joining assets, companionship, and raising children. If you manage a good sex life with all of this, good for you. But that's never been the point of the institution. Women have forever been divided into wives and nonwives, and what nonwives do in bed with other people's husbands have never bothered wives. Married men may gripe to you about boring sex at home but the truth is every one of them have dated girls who weren't boring in bed but chose to marry someone else.

If that is the case, why do women divorce cheating husbands?

Very many don't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would bet money most of those men were regularly having sex with their wives too. This is the most common boohoo story cheaters use.

Why would you place that bet? It is well known that wives lose interest in sex (with husband). The author was already having sex with these men, there was no reason to make up a boohoo story at that point. What makes you such an expert on the common boohoo stories that cheaters use?

No reason to make a boo hoo story =/= telling the truth. People lie for no reason ALL THE TIME. Look at Brian Williams or Donald Trump.

I thought that the weakest part of the article was that she was relying on these dudes representations. It would have been much more interesting if she used actual data and/or had some sort of professional background that would support her view that talking about stuff would fix everything.

It would be interesting (although it would never happen) to compare-and-contrast the husband the wife story. That is, the story the man tells his AP, and the story the wife would tell about her marriage.

[Anonymous]

How the author makes assumptions based on the words of cheaters is a real stretch. Cheaters have been known to lie!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would bet money most of those men were regularly having sex with their wives too. This is the most common boohoo story cheaters use.

Why would you place that bet? It is well known that wives lose interest in sex (with husband). The author was already having sex with these men, there was no reason to make up a boohoo story at that point. What makes you such an expert on the common boohoo stories that cheaters use?

No reason to make a boo hoo story =/= telling the truth. People lie for no reason ALL THE TIME. Look at Brian Williams or Donald Trump.

I thought that the weakest part of the article was that she was relying on these dudes representations. It would have been much more interesting if she used actual data and/or had some sort of professional background that would support her view that talking about stuff would fix everything.

That would invalidate the article for me, the inclusion of data. An opinion piece, is just that, her opinion. From my experience, much of what she writes is true about married men, especially the part about married men believing that an honest decision about the state of their sexual relationship would be detrimental to the marriage.

I also don't believe that married men are having such adventurous relations outside of their marriage, especially the kind that their wives have not be introduced to. Now frequency, would be another matter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How the author makes assumptions based on the words of cheaters is a real stretch. Cheaters have been known to lie!

In this case, the opposite viewpoint would not contribute much . . . not when it comes to claims of lose of intimacy and affection. The wives would counteract their claims of saying "yes, we had sex," but how often, and what was the quality?

A divorced ex-boyfriend admitted that he got it often from his wife, it was just starfish sex. He wasn't great in bed, so I see where she got to that point. I am not sure how she married him. I couldn't stand it after 1.5 months.

[Anonymous]

I don't have any patience for cheating, but I don't know that asking wives in sexless marriages would add much reliability to the conversation. They have every reason to rationalize, even to themselves, why they stopped having sex with their husbands.

Even if the real reason is "I got bored, and my body stopped wanting to have sex," the wife will want the resulting destruction of her marriage to not be her fault and will, therefore, highlight and magnify every perceived failure of her husband and attribute those as being the "real" reason she stopped wanting to have sex with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't have any patience for cheating, but I don't know that asking wives in sexless marriages would add much reliability to the conversation. They have every reason to rationalize, even to themselves, why they stopped having sex with their husbands.

Even if the real reason is "I got bored, and my body stopped wanting to have sex," the wife will want the resulting destruction of her marriage to not be her fault and will, therefore, highlight and magnify every perceived failure of her husband and attribute those as being the "real" reason she stopped wanting to have sex with him.

Her reasons (no matter how justified) are irrelevant. Once she's stopped wanting sex (this includes starfish performances every 3 weeks) she should immediately divorce. If she stays, accept the fact he will find sex outside the marriage. That's the bottom line. If you are married and not sleeping with your spouse, your marriage is not sexless, it's Open.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Marriage has probably always been like this but it’s a lot easier now with dating apps. And it isn’t just husbands either.

Yes. That's one thing that it kind of boggles the mind when grown adults don't understand it.

Marriage has never been seen as an outlet for varied, hugely satisfying, mind-blowing sex. Marriage is for joining assets, companionship, and raising children. If you manage a good sex life with all of this, good for you. But that's never been the point of the institution. Women have forever been divided into wives and nonwives, and what nonwives do in bed with other people's husbands have never bothered wives. Married men may gripe to you about boring sex at home but the truth is every one of them have dated girls who weren't boring in bed but chose to marry someone else.

Wrong. I married my wife for many reasons, one big one is because she satisfies me in bed. If that ever stops, our marriage will need some adjusting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't have any patience for cheating, but I don't know that asking wives in sexless marriages would add much reliability to the conversation. They have every reason to rationalize, even to themselves, why they stopped having sex with their husbands.

Even if the real reason is "I got bored, and my body stopped wanting to have sex," the wife will want the resulting destruction of her marriage to not be her fault and will, therefore, highlight and magnify every perceived failure of her husband and attribute those as being the "real" reason she stopped wanting to have sex with him.

Her reasons (no matter how justified) are irrelevant. Once she's stopped wanting sex (this includes starfish performances every 3 weeks) she should immediately divorce. If she stays, accept the fact he will find sex outside the marriage. That's the bottom line. If you are married and not sleeping with your spouse, your marriage is not sexless, it's Open.

A few years ago an old friend of mine told me that she and her husband hadn't had sex in years though she was more than willing. Last year she told me that her solution was a FWB and that she had no idea if her husband knew or not. I asked her if her husband had a FWB and I was stunned when she said she hadn't thought about it. What a marriage!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How the author makes assumptions based on the words of cheaters is a real stretch. Cheaters have been known to lie!

It would be interesting to know if a study has ever been done on cheaters that has actually gotten to the real truth rather than the stories created by cheaters to in some way justify their cheating. Cheaters tend to blame others for their failures.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How the author makes assumptions based on the words of cheaters is a real stretch. Cheaters have been known to lie!

It would be interesting to know if a study has ever been done on cheaters that has actually gotten to the real truth rather than the stories created by cheaters to in some way justify their cheating. Cheaters tend to blame others for their failures.

I don't think there is any "real truth" there. The only real truth is that some people view sex outside of marriage as OK, and some do not. This is why you have married men (and women) with regular sex at home who still get it elsewhere. Or not. It is either morally acceptable to you (and then you get it, given the opportunity), or it is not, and you don't. If you think it's OK to sleep with other people, then any reason is a good enough reason. We had a bad argument, my tea was cold, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't have any patience for cheating, but I don't know that asking wives in sexless marriages would add much reliability to the conversation. They have every reason to rationalize, even to themselves, why they stopped having sex with their husbands.

Even if the real reason is "I got bored, and my body stopped wanting to have sex," the wife will want the resulting destruction of her marriage to not be her fault and will, therefore, highlight and magnify every perceived failure of her husband and attribute those as being the "real" reason she stopped wanting to have sex with him.

It would, if these marriages aren't really sexless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How the author makes assumptions based on the words of cheaters is a real stretch. Cheaters have been known to lie!

In this case, the opposite viewpoint would not contribute much . . . not when it comes to claims of lose of intimacy and affection. The wives would counteract their claims of saying "yes, we had sex," but how often, and what was the quality?

A divorced ex-boyfriend admitted that he got it often from his wife, it was just starfish sex. He wasn't great in bed, so I see where she got to that point. I am not sure how she married him. I couldn't stand it after 1.5 months.

That's the wrong attitude to have about sex. Sex is a product of two people, it isn't anything you get over the counter or from a vending machine. A man whose approach to married sex is "here I am, satisfy me!" isn't very attractive. Sex is not a service you get where you get to weigh in on its quality, as if you are the customer and it was provided to you. Whatever quality sex you're having, you are one half of the reason this sex is the way it is. Good or bad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How the author makes assumptions based on the words of cheaters is a real stretch. Cheaters have been known to lie!

In this case, the opposite viewpoint would not contribute much . . . not when it comes to claims of lose of intimacy and affection. The wives would counteract their claims of saying "yes, we had sex," but how often, and what was the quality?

A divorced ex-boyfriend admitted that he got it often from his wife, it was just starfish sex. He wasn't great in bed, so I see where she got to that point. I am not sure how she married him. I couldn't stand it after 1.5 months.

That's the wrong attitude to have about sex. Sex is a product of two people, it isn't anything you get over the counter or from a vending machine. A man whose approach to married sex is "here I am, satisfy me!" isn't very attractive. Sex is not a service you get where you get to weigh in on its quality, as if you are the customer and it was provided to you. Whatever quality sex you're having, you are one half of the reason this sex is the way it is. Good or bad.

PP, here. You are reading words into the statement that are not there. If a DH says the quality sucks, it does. The same with a DW, if she says the quality sucks it does. You can be an excellent lover, but if countered with someone who is not interested, all the skill in the world will not improve things.

One party can declare the quality to be excellent or poor, it's a personal experience, and it have no reflection on the other party. I reserve that right as a woman and will give the same right to a man.