Preschooler didn’t not get to go outside for recess

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is behavior I expect from a 2 yr old. By 4 unless a child is intellectually slow it's reasonable to expect them to understand why it's important to stay with the group, come when called, not hide from parents/teachers, etc. Is your son developmentally delayed?

I think your attitude is wrong.

Most four year olds are active, and as you can see from THE REST OF HIS CLASS, all the OTHER four year olds manage to come when called. The problem is your son, not the school.

+100

Agreed.

This isn't ok from a four year old, and, yes, staying indoors for recess was an appropriate consequence, given the trouble he caused the teachers. It's not so much about a punishment as it is about keeping him safe.

You need to think about how to address his behavior as a parent, face facts that you have a difficult child, and apologize to the daycare staff you overreacted to.

Treat the daycare like an ally not an enemy here--get a meeting and talk about strategies. They have more experience with kids this age than you do.

[Anonymous]

OP, although I usually think taking recess away is the wrong approach for any age child, this time I disagree with you. It is "developmentally inappropriate" when the misbehavior has nothing to do with recess: forgetting homework, talking out in class, goofing around in the hall, whatever.

But in this case your child was violating the rules of recess and creating a safety issue. They tried several other approaches but his behavior only escalated. Having him miss recess in the afternoon is perfectly appropriate. It's not like they declared "No recess for a month."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is behavior I expect from a 2 yr old. By 4 unless a child is intellectually slow it's reasonable to expect them to understand why it's important to stay with the group, come when called, not hide from parents/teachers, etc. Is your son developmentally delayed?

I think your attitude is wrong.

Most four year olds are active, and as you can see from THE REST OF HIS CLASS, all the OTHER four year olds manage to come when called. The problem is your son, not the school.

No, the child is doing what children do. They push the envelope to determine what they can get away with. The problem is the parenting.

It is a parents job to institute boundaries and find whatever means necessary to enforce it. Yes, this is appropriate behavior for a 2 yo, not a 4 yo. These parents have had 2 years in which to curb the reckless behavior and they haven't. In fact, they even allowed him to believe that it is a game and that they are playing along. I have twins and we went through that period. I had times when they were 2 and 3 when they thought it was a game. By the time they were 4, they knew better that it is dangerous and not allowed. And they stopped doing it. Yes, it took some harsh consequences and you have to escalate the consequences until you find the one that will convince him that it is not a game and you are not playing and this is not appropriate play. OP has not done that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 4yr old is going through a terrible phase of running off when told it’s time to go inside from the playground. He does it with us and we often end up having to chase him, he thinks it’s a game. When his class lines up he takes off running and a teacher usually has to catch him and walk him inside. They have tried rewards, letting him be the line leader or door holder to try and give him incentive to line up but he thinks it’s hilarious to make people chase him and have all of his friend yelling for him to line up. Well this morning when it was time to line up, he hid and the teachers couldn’t find him. They finally found him underneath a slide. This afternoon they did not allow him to go outside. When I arrived he was sitting in the office with a puzzle, no longer crying but could tell he had been. I was furious. I understand he should not have hid but he is 4 not 10, and an active boy. He was extremely sad about not getting to go outside with his friends. I told the the assistant director that he is to never be forced to stay inside, and that they needed to understand how developmentally in appropriate this consequence was. My husband thinks I over reacted but I thought schools were not allowed to take away outdoor time. How would you have reacted to this scenario?

If you wanted customized care, you need to get a nanny. You cannot possibly ask the school to risk the well being of everyone else for your son. Your request is ridiculous. If I were the director, I'd counsel you out of our preschool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you really overreacted. You should call the school and apologize.

I seriously hope you learn a lesson from this, but based on your post, I doubt you have the self-awareness to.

God help his future teachers.

Op is one of the most entitled posts I have ever read on DCUM and i joined a million years ago. Snowflake mom begets poorly behaved child.

I have seen the word "snowflake" thrown around when people disagree with each other and I generally dislike using it to describe children. But "snowflake" is the most appropriate response to how you are treating your child.

[Anonymous]

Is this the only area where your child doesn’t follow directions? If it’s not, it may be worth a trip to a developmental ped. If it’s the only area of concern though, it’s probably a behavior issue.

If you don’t think keeping him inside at recess is appropriate, what else can you suggest that will actually work? You need to work with the school on a solution to end the negative behavior. I would actually let them try their approach for a while and see if it works though.

[Anonymous]

Easy solution. Next time, leave him outside.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm not going to pile on because I had a child who did stuff like this. He used to refuse to walk back from the park and I would get furious calls from the director telling me that I had to do something about it. We took it as a sign that it was just a bad fit and moved him.

I can't tell you that this move was the happy ending; we didn't choose all that well and pulled him from the new place after just a few weeks. We wound up keeping him home with a nanny for about 6 months until he started kindergarten. I worried a lot but he has never once had a disciplinary issue since starting elementary school 4 years ago.

I understand your unhappiness about losing recess - ideally it should have been discussed as a potential consequence before it happened. This would have enabled you to help reinforce the need to follow the rules, possibly helping to curtail the disobedience.

Sounds like your nanny stepped up and did what you refused to do

[Anonymous]

I think you overreacted. My son is the youngest of 16 kids in a class of 4yr olds and I don’t think your son’s behavior is age appropriate. Even if he had no prior group care experience, I assume he has been in preschool since September. Maybe sitting in the office a few times will make an impression. Sounds like he needs more limits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm not going to pile on because I had a child who did stuff like this. He used to refuse to walk back from the park and I would get furious calls from the director telling me that I had to do something about it. We took it as a sign that it was just a bad fit and moved him.

I can't tell you that this move was the happy ending; we didn't choose all that well and pulled him from the new place after just a few weeks. We wound up keeping him home with a nanny for about 6 months until he started kindergarten. I worried a lot but he has never once had a disciplinary issue since starting elementary school 4 years ago.

I understand your unhappiness about losing recess - ideally it should have been discussed as a potential consequence before it happened. This would have enabled you to help reinforce the need to follow the rules, possibly helping to curtail the disobedience.

Sounds like your nanny stepped up and did what you refused to do

Agree.

[Anonymous]

Teach kids good manners and everything will be fine. So simple. Reward good behavior, consequences for bad behavior.

[Anonymous]

wow, you are terrible. there aren't a lot of times when a child should be kept inside as a consequence, but this is one fo them. it's a legitimate safety issue. I would not be at all surprised if they kicked you out. I would.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, very gently, I think you have been in denial about what is age appropriate and what is four year old impulse control. It’s time to have your son evaluated. He may have ADD.

Or he might just need a good spanking!

spanking has the same long term impact as abuse. so no, there is nothing good about it. OP is completely and totally in the wrong here, but so are you.

[Anonymous]

My 2 year old DS acts exactly like OP's son, loves to run off/hide when it is time to leave the playground. He thinks it is fun when people chase after him. And, to make it more worse, my DS would cry/scream and make a scene that you have to grab & "carry" him out of the playground pretty much every time. Both I & DH have tried different methods, no uses, and we wish there is someone out there can discipline him a good one. Arrrh....