This thread is from 2018.
Sadly, nothing has changed since then as stepparents are still universally unliked and unwelcome. |
For an actual step-parent (married to a parent and possibly living at least part time with the child)? No For a new partner? Yes In between? Maybe. Depends on the relationship with the kid, but also the insecurity of the ex. My ex hated that DH coached DD’s teams and attended all of her events. Ex could have, but was too busy with self-destructive behaviors. Thank God that DH stuck with it because ex is dead now. It would have been very difficult to try to kindle a close relationship at age 16. |
Of course you should attend. |
I do because it is part of parenting even if I’m a stepmom. I have run into my husbands ex a few time at events and she is very cordial and in no way upset. |
My long-term partner's son has asked me to attend certain events. In general, schedule will keep me from going since I have a couple of my own. But if he wants me there enough to ask, I will absolutely go. His father and I do it very much on a case-by-case basis. My partner is very much welcomed by my ex to all my kids' events, but I am much less welcomed by my partner's ex even though she seems to bring a different man every time. |
It depends on the situation and context. My stepparents did not get involved or feel the need to publicly act involved. My ex’s wife met my kids as older teens and plans their milestone events (sweet 16, weddings, showers) without consultation but expects me to pay for it while she takes over. She competes for mother moments (wanted my daughter to use her mothers ring as an engagement ring rather than my mothers??!). It’s all very bizarre and overstepping. |
I think its fine. My ex brings his partner to my children's activities and I don't have an issue with it. They are a family and want to appear supportive. |
Wow. Perhaps rather than bragging, "I am more of a parent than she will ever be," you might have some empathy for a person struggling with mental illness. My exH has bipolar depression. Due to his mental illness, he is not a great parent, but I recognize that he loves the kids and they love him. Sometimes it does frustrate me that I have to do all the parenting and have all the responsibility, much to my detriment. And I hate to see how his negligence hurts the kids. Then I try to remember that he didn't choose to be mentally ill and even the best therapy and medication isn't going to magically fix his issues. I try to remind myself that he is probably doing his best, and I try to be supportive within boundaries that are safe for us. I also try to remember that our kids have a higher chance of having mental illness. The way I treat him is the way I would want other people to treat my kids if they became mentally ill. Being angry and shaming a me tally ill person doesn't help them. Perhaps you could find some empathy for the mentally ill parent. |
This. We could resurrect this thread a hundred years from now and it would still be the same. |
My Ex lives out of state and has untreated mental health issues and has zero custody because of it. It doesn’t matter because DC loves their dad and wishes more than anything in the world that he could be there for him. Sorry you can be the worst parent bit children will always love, long for and prefer, their natural parent more than just about any other adult in their lives. As the sane parent I wish with all of my heart that it were as simple as you pretend it to be… but you are wrong. |
This is true in most cases EXCEPT when the ex practices parental alienation. If a child is taught, overtly or covertly, that their other parent is expendable or doesn't care about them, then that parent is shunned by child. |
+1. |
After age 10 or so, generally:
Kids want to see their Dad, not you. Same goes for Moms and stepdads. I hate the term stepmom/dad, unless you raised a child from baby or toddlerhood. |
Not true at all. |
If the kids don't want you there, please don't go. You're not entitled to a relationship with a child just because you married their parent.
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