Do you attend your stepchildren’s events?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it can depend a lot on the amicability/contentiousness of the divorce, and whether the new step parent is also the former affair partner. I think the stepparent attending birthdays and school concerts is pretty common. I know some couples where the new stepparent attends parent/teacher conferences and that seems over the top to me, but it also bugs me to see stepparents becoming the default parent of their stepchild.

This. How it ended is the difference for me. I don’t respect or like the former AP now partner.

[Anonymous]

My husband always does, unless he's working. Before he retired from law enforcement he would attend even when he was working, because they'd let him know if he had a call. He and I always try to attend together. He thinks of my children as his own, because he doesn't have biological children.

[Anonymous]

Depends on whether attending creates stress. If stepparent’s attendance detracts focus from kids then stepparent shouldn’t attend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Depends on whether attending creates stress. If stepparent’s attendance detracts focus from kids then stepparent shouldn’t attend.

Best response.

[Anonymous]

If the bio parent (crazy ex-wife) is there: NO. If she is not there: ALWAYS! It works for us, because she lives out of state, has no custody, and maybe attends two events per year. I am more of a parent than she will ever be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If the bio parent (crazy ex-wife) is there: NO. If she is not there: ALWAYS! It works for us, because she lives out of state, has no custody, and maybe attends two events per year. I am more of a parent than she will ever be.

Her child doesn't think that. Her child wishes it was mommy doing all that, not you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the bio parent (crazy ex-wife) is there: NO. If she is not there: ALWAYS! It works for us, because she lives out of state, has no custody, and maybe attends two events per year. I am more of a parent than she will ever be.

Her child doesn't think that. Her child wishes it was mommy doing all that, not you.

Not in this case. Mommy has untreated mental health issues (refuses treatment) and is unable to take of herself or the child.

[Anonymous]

Whaaaaat has a stepchild (twice over on both sides thanks parents great work) hell yes they came to my stuff

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depends on whether attending creates stress. If stepparent’s attendance detracts focus from kids then stepparent shouldn’t attend.

Best response.

I was the stepkid.

I agree with this to an extent. In the cases where bio mom expresses a wish for the step to never attend an event I think you need to create a little drama to set up a new normal. Its good for the kids to have an involved and loving stepparent. Sometimes bio parents need to be dragged into that realization when they can't get their on their own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the bio parent (crazy ex-wife) is there: NO. If she is not there: ALWAYS! It works for us, because she lives out of state, has no custody, and maybe attends two events per year. I am more of a parent than she will ever be.

Her child doesn't think that. Her child wishes it was mommy doing all that, not you.

Not in this case. Mommy has untreated mental health issues (refuses treatment) and is unable to take of herself or the child.

This may be true - bioMom may be unable to care or think about child, but you realize child still wishes mom would do these things even if you are a nice stepmom.

My ex-spouse has mental illness. He is not a great dad and has no custody, but I encourage him to visit and spend time with kids. They love him even if they are frustrated sometimes. My DS is even old enough that he has sad even a bad dad is better than no dad.

I encourage you to rein in your hostility to bioMom and foster what contact you can. It's not a mothering competition.

[Anonymous]

What rights do they have? I think sporting events is fine. Some other events are more sensitive. It is a case by case situation but for example, I don’t want the step father coming to my sons well visits. Either I or my ex wife takes care of that alone or together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What rights do they have? I think sporting events is fine. Some other events are more sensitive. It is a case by case situation but for example, I don’t want the step father coming to my sons well visits. Either I or my ex wife takes care of that alone or together.

It depends on the situation. In our family, everything is fair game, other than parent-teacher conferences. One of the parents attends routine doctor's appointments, but if my child is sick and is with his father, I would not mind if his stepmom took him in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What rights do they have? I think sporting events is fine. Some other events are more sensitive. It is a case by case situation but for example, I don’t want the step father coming to my sons well visits. Either I or my ex wife takes care of that alone or together.

It depends on the situation. In our family, everything is fair game, other than parent-teacher conferences. One of the parents attends routine doctor's appointments, but if my child is sick and is with his father, I would not mind if his stepmom took him in.

So no on parent teacher conferences?

Do any step parents go to that?

[Anonymous]

If my ex brought his affair partner, I would be annoyed but I'd still go and just ignore them. I've ZERO confidence in her ability to be tactful and mindful of boundaries that are best for the children.... she moved 20 miles from her home with her ex husband into a house one block from mine, enrolling her kids in the same school as mine, within months of my ex moving out. #classy

[Anonymous]

If you're there to support the kid, like athletic events, performances, etc, then yes.

If you're there in a decision making role, like IEP meetings or parent teacher conferences, then no.