Boyfriend lets Ex write checks out of his account

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She will always be her first wife and the mother of his kids. If you can't deal with it break up.

That's not the point. The point is should your ex-spouse have access to your money. OP has been in a relationship with Dad for 3 years and now living together. He hasn't moved on from his first marriage. Mom can front the money and dad can bank transfer, pay pal, what ever app or send a bank check within a few days if he agrees. No reason for her to have access even though it sounds like she's responsible about it. Personally I'd run fast. I'd never move in with someone who will not marry me. I married a guy with kids. If ex needed extra money on top of child support and he agreed he'd immediately put a check in the mail. Done. It is her business if she plans to marry this guy and then things become shared.

Divorced mom here. Love your assumption "mom can front the money". Frankly, it isn't my job to "front my husband the money". He is a parent and he is equally responsible to pay for cheer camp by the due date. If he wants to bank transfer, pay pal or whatever directly himself by the due date fine. If it were my husband who did that, and he gave me checks to pay on his behalf, then I'd do it as a courtesy, but frankly, it's ME who's doing HIM the favor by freeing him of the administrative responsibility of bill paying on behalf of the kids. If I didn't do it, then he's got to track and pay for stuff on his own -- it's not my responsibility to remind him.

FWIW, I don't have checks, and I am often left to pay for things for the kids and sometimes it takes my Ex a couple of weeks to pay me back. Meanwhile I am accruing credit card interest by carrying his financial load. It's not fair.

Your credit card doesn’t have a 30-day grace period? Do you routinely not pay your bill on time? How are you accruing interest in two weeks?

Ahhh. The sexism emerges. Blame the victim. It's her fault because she doesn't pay her bill on time. Or it's her fault because she doesn't have enough cash to stretch to cover him. It's not the fault of the person who doesn't pay his half on time, it's the fault of the one who deals with the consequences that flow from his failure.

I pay my bill regularly on time. But, clearly you don't understand how a grace period works. If you pay your bill on time *in full* every month, then the grace period applies and you will be able to charge something without accruing interest until the bill due date. But, if you pay your bill on time but not in full every month, then there is no "grace period". Each additional charge on a unpaid balance adds to the average daily charge and accrues interest. Yes, I do use my credit card to pay for things I cannot afford in full -- like the unexpected $1000 car repair bill. So, if I have to use my credit card to cover my exDH's bill, then I am accruing interest on his behalf. Here are some other ways I have had to accrue interest because he didn't pay on time -- I took $$ out of my interest bearing savings thus losing my interest earnings, had to make an unplanned stock sale thus accruing a sales fee and trigger tax obligation, had to write a check that would be covered by my overdraft protection thus accruing interest, had to make cash withdrawals from my credit card, had to put a piece of jewelry down at the pawnshop in order to cover exDH when he failed to meet a large obligation for which I had to cough up the money same day (that was expensive).....

Fees for the kids aren't always told to me in advance. Unexpected opportunities crop up -- a weekend at a leadership retreat, a trip with the family of a best friend, etc. Even planned opportunities are not always easy to split the bill for. I can't always pay with a credit card, so even if my balance is clear, I might not be able to take advantage of that free way to put off paying. Sometimes the website is set up so the payment must be made all at once on one card, so there's no easy way to split payments between 2 parents. (Crazy in this day and age that schools, sports clubs and other places that market to or deal with kids don't understand this and set up processes that take divorced families into account given how many of us there are....) Or some activities just don't take a credit card, rather only check.

I earn enough to cover my share of the kids expenses. I do not earn enough to unexpectedly cover Ex when he randomly pays late or reneges on a promise to pay. (What am I going to do, take him to court over the $500 he refused to pay for DC's unexpected medical expense? I'd pay ten times that in legal fees.)

Our child support agreement is clear, and it is the same arrangement that many, many parents have -- child support is a percentage of income. On top of child support, Ex is required to pay half of -- sports or other kid activities (anything over $100 total for the year), half of medical copays, half of educational expenses, half of college.

Believe me, I don't make a profit on child support. Needless to say, like many parents, child support does not cover 50% of what I actually pay for the kids in terms of clothing, food, shelter, utilities, etc., but I agreed to percent of income and that is what I get. On top of that, my Ex decided he didn't have the willingness or capability to do 50% custody. So, on top of paying more than 50% of the true cost of raising the kids, I am also, as happens with many custodial parents, spending time doing his share of parenting, time that could have been devoted to my career advancement, thus seriously and negatively affecting my earning power. Ex has never stayed home sick with the children, has never had to take off work or refuse a business trip because of the kids. This has had a positive effect on his career. Of course, I expected to spend parenting time on my kids, but my Ex's abandonment of these responsibilities has also had a financial impact on me.

So, I am pretty irritated when I see PPs blame the victim. And, I'm sure this post won't stop that -- people will still chime in and blame me for picking a bad one, blame me for not making more money, blame me for making it all about money, blame me for having full custody (I must have stolen it or alienated dad), cast me for being an unloving mom who doesn't want to cheerfully do it all for her kids, cast me as an unhappy Ex who is jealous of the new wife, etc.

Whatever. I know the real deal. Ex doesn't live up to his 50% of parenting time and financial obligation to the kids. That's on him. That speaks to his character. It's not my job to make or beg him to do it. It's not my job to be his administrative secretary or his social fixer for his kids. So, I can live with that. But, I will not pretend that it's right, or normal or that I'm happy about it.

OP ought to seriously think about what she is complaining about. Her BF clearly has a good relationship with the ex and has found a way to pay his bills for the kids in a timely fashion. He should get credit for that. As to other PP's who have said things that imply that BF's money will be OP's money when they are married, that is not true necessarily. Most states are community property states, thus half of all money would be BF's to do with as he pleases. BF can set up any bank accounts he wants and designate whomever he pleases as the beneficiary upon his death (bioMom or kids). If OP found out about it and sued, she might be able to prevent the transfer to the beneficiary if she can show that the funds that went to that account exceeded BF/DH's share of marital assets, but I'm guessing that the amount is not that big. Also, the assumption that OP, if married, would inherit automatically all assets is false. Most states typically have a law that a spouse must inherit only a certain share of joint assets (typically not mandated to be more than half). Many states have mandated asset shares for minor children (so kids can't be easily written out of will when minors). And DH can write a will and leave money to whomever he pleases, typically as long as it doesn't violate any state-madated shares).

Frankly, if I were the BF, OP's question would be a serious red flag to me flagging concerns about OP. She has shown she doesn't have the capacity to be in a serious relationship with someone who has other financial and emotional obligations.

You do realize if money is an issue, you say NO to your kids. They don't need to go to a leadership thing or vacation with friends. Its ok to say no. It sounds like you aren't managing your money well and blaming Dad. Stock sales and car repairs have nothing to do with Dad. It sounds like you need to do a major financial cut back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Ok noted. I just think its odd an ex spouse would have direct access to his funds. But I guess I am wrong.

You should talk to him about getting Venmo. Then if the ex needs funds for a joint responsibility she can just ask him to Venmo the money immediately and then she can write the check from her own account. But really, it sounds like he is being responsible here, not a doormat, and that's a good quality in a partner.

[Anonymous]

OP , I hope what you take away from this thread is that blended family finances can be quite a contentious topic. I would think long and hard about marrying and/or procreating with someone Who already has children and financial obligations to those children.

I am saying this as someone who has done it and it’s stressful and causes resentment

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How does a text from her to him pop up on your laptop?

OP here. I looked into this and I guess it has something to do with an apple cloud. His texts sync up to our laptop. I have thought a lot about this and Im fine with it. It seemed odd to me but you all have schooled me and shamed me enough to let it go!

Yes, when I shared the icloud with dh on our phones I got his texts on my iPad because he had synced up his phone texts with his iPad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She will always be her first wife and the mother of his kids. If you can't deal with it break up.

That's not the point. The point is should your ex-spouse have access to your money. OP has been in a relationship with Dad for 3 years and now living together. He hasn't moved on from his first marriage. Mom can front the money and dad can bank transfer, pay pal, what ever app or send a bank check within a few days if he agrees. No reason for her to have access even though it sounds like she's responsible about it. Personally I'd run fast. I'd never move in with someone who will not marry me. I married a guy with kids. If ex needed extra money on top of child support and he agreed he'd immediately put a check in the mail. Done. It is her business if she plans to marry this guy and then things become shared.

Divorced mom here. Love your assumption "mom can front the money". Frankly, it isn't my job to "front my husband the money". He is a parent and he is equally responsible to pay for cheer camp by the due date. If he wants to bank transfer, pay pal or whatever directly himself by the due date fine. If it were my husband who did that, and he gave me checks to pay on his behalf, then I'd do it as a courtesy, but frankly, it's ME who's doing HIM the favor by freeing him of the administrative responsibility of bill paying on behalf of the kids. If I didn't do it, then he's got to track and pay for stuff on his own -- it's not my responsibility to remind him.

FWIW, I don't have checks, and I am often left to pay for things for the kids and sometimes it takes my Ex a couple of weeks to pay me back. Meanwhile I am accruing credit card interest by carrying his financial load. It's not fair.

Your credit card doesn’t have a 30-day grace period? Do you routinely not pay your bill on time? How are you accruing interest in two weeks?

Ahhh. The sexism emerges. Blame the victim. It's her fault because she doesn't pay her bill on time. Or it's her fault because she doesn't have enough cash to stretch to cover him. It's not the fault of the person who doesn't pay his half on time, it's the fault of the one who deals with the consequences that flow from his failure.

I pay my bill regularly on time. But, clearly you don't understand how a grace period works. If you pay your bill on time *in full* every month, then the grace period applies and you will be able to charge something without accruing interest until the bill due date. But, if you pay your bill on time but not in full every month, then there is no "grace period". Each additional charge on a unpaid balance adds to the average daily charge and accrues interest. Yes, I do use my credit card to pay for things I cannot afford in full -- like the unexpected $1000 car repair bill. So, if I have to use my credit card to cover my exDH's bill, then I am accruing interest on his behalf. Here are some other ways I have had to accrue interest because he didn't pay on time -- I took $$ out of my interest bearing savings thus losing my interest earnings, had to make an unplanned stock sale thus accruing a sales fee and trigger tax obligation, had to write a check that would be covered by my overdraft protection thus accruing interest, had to make cash withdrawals from my credit card, had to put a piece of jewelry down at the pawnshop in order to cover exDH when he failed to meet a large obligation for which I had to cough up the money same day (that was expensive).....

Fees for the kids aren't always told to me in advance. Unexpected opportunities crop up -- a weekend at a leadership retreat, a trip with the family of a best friend, etc. Even planned opportunities are not always easy to split the bill for. I can't always pay with a credit card, so even if my balance is clear, I might not be able to take advantage of that free way to put off paying. Sometimes the website is set up so the payment must be made all at once on one card, so there's no easy way to split payments between 2 parents. (Crazy in this day and age that schools, sports clubs and other places that market to or deal with kids don't understand this and set up processes that take divorced families into account given how many of us there are....) Or some activities just don't take a credit card, rather only check.

I earn enough to cover my share of the kids expenses. I do not earn enough to unexpectedly cover Ex when he randomly pays late or reneges on a promise to pay. (What am I going to do, take him to court over the $500 he refused to pay for DC's unexpected medical expense? I'd pay ten times that in legal fees.)

Our child support agreement is clear, and it is the same arrangement that many, many parents have -- child support is a percentage of income. On top of child support, Ex is required to pay half of -- sports or other kid activities (anything over $100 total for the year), half of medical copays, half of educational expenses, half of college.

Believe me, I don't make a profit on child support. Needless to say, like many parents, child support does not cover 50% of what I actually pay for the kids in terms of clothing, food, shelter, utilities, etc., but I agreed to percent of income and that is what I get. On top of that, my Ex decided he didn't have the willingness or capability to do 50% custody. So, on top of paying more than 50% of the true cost of raising the kids, I am also, as happens with many custodial parents, spending time doing his share of parenting, time that could have been devoted to my career advancement, thus seriously and negatively affecting my earning power. Ex has never stayed home sick with the children, has never had to take off work or refuse a business trip because of the kids. This has had a positive effect on his career. Of course, I expected to spend parenting time on my kids, but my Ex's abandonment of these responsibilities has also had a financial impact on me.

So, I am pretty irritated when I see PPs blame the victim. And, I'm sure this post won't stop that -- people will still chime in and blame me for picking a bad one, blame me for not making more money, blame me for making it all about money, blame me for having full custody (I must have stolen it or alienated dad), cast me for being an unloving mom who doesn't want to cheerfully do it all for her kids, cast me as an unhappy Ex who is jealous of the new wife, etc.

Whatever. I know the real deal. Ex doesn't live up to his 50% of parenting time and financial obligation to the kids. That's on him. That speaks to his character. It's not my job to make or beg him to do it. It's not my job to be his administrative secretary or his social fixer for his kids. So, I can live with that. But, I will not pretend that it's right, or normal or that I'm happy about it.

OP ought to seriously think about what she is complaining about. Her BF clearly has a good relationship with the ex and has found a way to pay his bills for the kids in a timely fashion. He should get credit for that. As to other PP's who have said things that imply that BF's money will be OP's money when they are married, that is not true necessarily. Most states are community property states, thus half of all money would be BF's to do with as he pleases. BF can set up any bank accounts he wants and designate whomever he pleases as the beneficiary upon his death (bioMom or kids). If OP found out about it and sued, she might be able to prevent the transfer to the beneficiary if she can show that the funds that went to that account exceeded BF/DH's share of marital assets, but I'm guessing that the amount is not that big. Also, the assumption that OP, if married, would inherit automatically all assets is false. Most states typically have a law that a spouse must inherit only a certain share of joint assets (typically not mandated to be more than half). Many states have mandated asset shares for minor children (so kids can't be easily written out of will when minors). And DH can write a will and leave money to whomever he pleases, typically as long as it doesn't violate any state-madated shares).

Frankly, if I were the BF, OP's question would be a serious red flag to me flagging concerns about OP. She has shown she doesn't have the capacity to be in a serious relationship with someone who has other financial and emotional obligations.

You do realize if money is an issue, you say NO to your kids. They don't need to go to a leadership thing or vacation with friends. Its ok to say no. It sounds like you aren't managing your money well and blaming Dad. Stock sales and car repairs have nothing to do with Dad. It sounds like you need to do a major financial cut back.

NP here - so your position is that if both parents have the funds cover their halves of the trip, but the parent who makes the arrangements can't advance the other parent's half to temporarily cover the entire cost, the kid shouldn't do it? Even if both parents, in an amicable co-parenting relationship, have a procedure in place for the parent who makes all the kid's arrangements to have access to the other parent's funds to cover that activity?

You're an idiot.

[Anonymous]

OP, I bet he would not allow you a similar courtesy. Not the same, but similar.

I am sure more will come out about their relationship as you continue to live together. You do have a say in our combined finances when married. Do not downplay your concerns and then take it out in a different manner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP , I hope what you take away from this thread is that blended family finances can be quite a contentious topic. I would think long and hard about marrying and/or procreating with someone Who already has children and financial obligations to those children.

I am saying this as someone who has done it and it’s stressful and causes resentment

She’s been with him for three years without a ring. He’s the one thinking long and hard about remarrying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP , I hope what you take away from this thread is that blended family finances can be quite a contentious topic. I would think long and hard about marrying and/or procreating with someone Who already has children and financial obligations to those children.

I am saying this as someone who has done it and it’s stressful and causes resentment

She’s been with him for three years without a ring. He’s the one thinking long and hard about remarrying.

+1 He may not be remarrying specifically because he doesn't want to have to get approval from someone new for his financial arrangement with his ex. That may also be why he reacted so negatively to OP objecting to it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, my concern is her having blank checks - I'm assuming he signed them if she doesn't have signing authority on his account. What if she loses them?

Not many people I know carry checkbooks around but write out checks at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She will always be her first wife and the mother of his kids. If you can't deal with it break up.

That's not the point. The point is should your ex-spouse have access to your money. OP has been in a relationship with Dad for 3 years and now living together. He hasn't moved on from his first marriage. Mom can front the money and dad can bank transfer, pay pal, what ever app or send a bank check within a few days if he agrees. No reason for her to have access even though it sounds like she's responsible about it. Personally I'd run fast. I'd never move in with someone who will not marry me. I married a guy with kids. If ex needed extra money on top of child support and he agreed he'd immediately put a check in the mail. Done. It is her business if she plans to marry this guy and then things become shared.

Divorced mom here. Love your assumption "mom can front the money". Frankly, it isn't my job to "front my husband the money". He is a parent and he is equally responsible to pay for cheer camp by the due date. If he wants to bank transfer, pay pal or whatever directly himself by the due date fine. If it were my husband who did that, and he gave me checks to pay on his behalf, then I'd do it as a courtesy, but frankly, it's ME who's doing HIM the favor by freeing him of the administrative responsibility of bill paying on behalf of the kids. If I didn't do it, then he's got to track and pay for stuff on his own -- it's not my responsibility to remind him.

FWIW, I don't have checks, and I am often left to pay for things for the kids and sometimes it takes my Ex a couple of weeks to pay me back. Meanwhile I am accruing credit card interest by carrying his financial load. It's not fair.

Your credit card doesn’t have a 30-day grace period? Do you routinely not pay your bill on time? How are you accruing interest in two weeks?

Ahhh. The sexism emerges. Blame the victim. It's her fault because she doesn't pay her bill on time. Or it's her fault because she doesn't have enough cash to stretch to cover him. It's not the fault of the person who doesn't pay his half on time, it's the fault of the one who deals with the consequences that flow from his failure.

I pay my bill regularly on time. But, clearly you don't understand how a grace period works. If you pay your bill on time *in full* every month, then the grace period applies and you will be able to charge something without accruing interest until the bill due date. But, if you pay your bill on time but not in full every month, then there is no "grace period". Each additional charge on a unpaid balance adds to the average daily charge and accrues interest. Yes, I do use my credit card to pay for things I cannot afford in full -- like the unexpected $1000 car repair bill. So, if I have to use my credit card to cover my exDH's bill, then I am accruing interest on his behalf. Here are some other ways I have had to accrue interest because he didn't pay on time -- I took $$ out of my interest bearing savings thus losing my interest earnings, had to make an unplanned stock sale thus accruing a sales fee and trigger tax obligation, had to write a check that would be covered by my overdraft protection thus accruing interest, had to make cash withdrawals from my credit card, had to put a piece of jewelry down at the pawnshop in order to cover exDH when he failed to meet a large obligation for which I had to cough up the money same day (that was expensive).....

Fees for the kids aren't always told to me in advance. Unexpected opportunities crop up -- a weekend at a leadership retreat, a trip with the family of a best friend, etc. Even planned opportunities are not always easy to split the bill for. I can't always pay with a credit card, so even if my balance is clear, I might not be able to take advantage of that free way to put off paying. Sometimes the website is set up so the payment must be made all at once on one card, so there's no easy way to split payments between 2 parents. (Crazy in this day and age that schools, sports clubs and other places that market to or deal with kids don't understand this and set up processes that take divorced families into account given how many of us there are....) Or some activities just don't take a credit card, rather only check.

I earn enough to cover my share of the kids expenses. I do not earn enough to unexpectedly cover Ex when he randomly pays late or reneges on a promise to pay. (What am I going to do, take him to court over the $500 he refused to pay for DC's unexpected medical expense? I'd pay ten times that in legal fees.)

Our child support agreement is clear, and it is the same arrangement that many, many parents have -- child support is a percentage of income. On top of child support, Ex is required to pay half of -- sports or other kid activities (anything over $100 total for the year), half of medical copays, half of educational expenses, half of college.

Believe me, I don't make a profit on child support. Needless to say, like many parents, child support does not cover 50% of what I actually pay for the kids in terms of clothing, food, shelter, utilities, etc., but I agreed to percent of income and that is what I get. On top of that, my Ex decided he didn't have the willingness or capability to do 50% custody. So, on top of paying more than 50% of the true cost of raising the kids, I am also, as happens with many custodial parents, spending time doing his share of parenting, time that could have been devoted to my career advancement, thus seriously and negatively affecting my earning power. Ex has never stayed home sick with the children, has never had to take off work or refuse a business trip because of the kids. This has had a positive effect on his career. Of course, I expected to spend parenting time on my kids, but my Ex's abandonment of these responsibilities has also had a financial impact on me.

So, I am pretty irritated when I see PPs blame the victim. And, I'm sure this post won't stop that -- people will still chime in and blame me for picking a bad one, blame me for not making more money, blame me for making it all about money, blame me for having full custody (I must have stolen it or alienated dad), cast me for being an unloving mom who doesn't want to cheerfully do it all for her kids, cast me as an unhappy Ex who is jealous of the new wife, etc.

Whatever. I know the real deal. Ex doesn't live up to his 50% of parenting time and financial obligation to the kids. That's on him. That speaks to his character. It's not my job to make or beg him to do it. It's not my job to be his administrative secretary or his social fixer for his kids. So, I can live with that. But, I will not pretend that it's right, or normal or that I'm happy about it.

OP ought to seriously think about what she is complaining about. Her BF clearly has a good relationship with the ex and has found a way to pay his bills for the kids in a timely fashion. He should get credit for that. As to other PP's who have said things that imply that BF's money will be OP's money when they are married, that is not true necessarily. Most states are community property states, thus half of all money would be BF's to do with as he pleases. BF can set up any bank accounts he wants and designate whomever he pleases as the beneficiary upon his death (bioMom or kids). If OP found out about it and sued, she might be able to prevent the transfer to the beneficiary if she can show that the funds that went to that account exceeded BF/DH's share of marital assets, but I'm guessing that the amount is not that big. Also, the assumption that OP, if married, would inherit automatically all assets is false. Most states typically have a law that a spouse must inherit only a certain share of joint assets (typically not mandated to be more than half). Many states have mandated asset shares for minor children (so kids can't be easily written out of will when minors). And DH can write a will and leave money to whomever he pleases, typically as long as it doesn't violate any state-madated shares).

Frankly, if I were the BF, OP's question would be a serious red flag to me flagging concerns about OP. She has shown she doesn't have the capacity to be in a serious relationship with someone who has other financial and emotional obligations.

You do realize if money is an issue, you say NO to your kids. They don't need to go to a leadership thing or vacation with friends. Its ok to say no. It sounds like you aren't managing your money well and blaming Dad. Stock sales and car repairs have nothing to do with Dad. It sounds like you need to do a major financial cut back.

NP here - so your position is that if both parents have the funds cover their halves of the trip, but the parent who makes the arrangements can't advance the other parent's half to temporarily cover the entire cost, the kid shouldn't do it? Even if both parents, in an amicable co-parenting relationship, have a procedure in place for the parent who makes all the kid's arrangements to have access to the other parent's funds to cover that activity?

You're an idiot.

You're an idiot. If Dad is not paying promptly, maybe he doesn't have the money on top of child support and his living expenses. So, if Mom decides child is going, tells Dad (doesn't ask) and demands the money promptly, she'll need to wait or advance it until he has the money. As parents, if we cannot afford something, we say no. Simple. Kids don't need to go on vacations with their friends. That is absurd if you cannot afford it. If Mom wants a break, give the kids to Dad. This poster is talking about luxuries, not necessities. I know my husband didn't always have the money to cover every demand his ex made. Everything was covered in child support but she'd always demand more. What he did was never good enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP , I hope what you take away from this thread is that blended family finances can be quite a contentious topic. I would think long and hard about marrying and/or procreating with someone Who already has children and financial obligations to those children.

I am saying this as someone who has done it and it’s stressful and causes resentment

She’s been with him for three years without a ring. He’s the one thinking long and hard about remarrying.

+1 He may not be remarrying specifically because he doesn't want to have to get approval from someone new for his financial arrangement with his ex. That may also be why he reacted so negatively to OP objecting to it.

He sounds like an ass. If they are a couple, yes, money should be discussed. If he cannot marry after 3 years, time to move on. He's clearly still hung up on his ex.

[Anonymous]

It’s probably an old joint account from his credit union that he manages. My DH has one and added me to the checks when we married. Otherwise, she’d be signing his name.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, my concern is her having blank checks - I'm assuming he signed them if she doesn't have signing authority on his account. What if she loses them?

Not many people I know carry checkbooks around but write out checks at home.

You can send a check the next day, PayPal, bank transfer. Lots of ways. Ex should not have access freely to his account.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP , I hope what you take away from this thread is that blended family finances can be quite a contentious topic. I would think long and hard about marrying and/or procreating with someone Who already has children and financial obligations to those children.

I am saying this as someone who has done it and it’s stressful and causes resentment

She’s been with him for three years without a ring. He’s the one thinking long and hard about remarrying.

+1 He may not be remarrying specifically because he doesn't want to have to get approval from someone new for his financial arrangement with his ex. That may also be why he reacted so negatively to OP objecting to it.

He sounds like an ass. If they are a couple, yes, money should be discussed. If he cannot marry after 3 years, time to move on. He's clearly still hung up on his ex.

Sounds like a busy guy who doesn’t want to fix what isn’t broken.

[Anonymous]

I can't imagine anyone who is trying to raise kids with an ex would have any problem with this, given that both parents seem perfectly fine with the arrangement. Splitting custody is hard, so if you have a way that is working, don't mess with it!