Do you still give when parents request"please no gifts" for a birthday party?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My child is going to one next week. We usually get a musical card or something similar.

No! Not the musical cards! They are so annoying.

[Anonymous]

I feel like if you don’t want your kid to have birthday presents, just don’t throw him a birthday party. Can’t you just have a few friends out to movies and lunch one day. Take a few friends laser tagging and then a sleepover. I agree with another poster. The parties are so big and impersonal.


Not all parties that are no gift parties are "big and impersonal." Our next door neighbor had a party with eight kids. It was a no gift party. We didn't bring a gift. We tend to have larger parties because DS has separate groups of friends from his public school, our church, and a supplemental school that he attends on the weekend for our native language/culture. The kids seem to have fun and get along, and frankly, I see nothing wrong with it.

Oh, you mean parent-engineered friends thru your over-scheduled activities? Not actual friends your child makes. Yeah, we see this all the time too. Big parties where most kids don’t know each other because mom cherry picks her favorites from every activity the child is in. Sounds so PC and grand.

How exactly do you think kids are supposed to make friends? Meet them at the bar? At work?

In their school or neighborhood playing - like normal kids. They make their own close friends. Not have 6 groups of random meaningless friends from all the activities the crazies put them in.

Yes, it is "crazy" for us to practice our religion by attending church (where our child has made friends) or to attend a language/culture school to give him an attachment and connection to our home country. You just want to be miserable.

[Anonymous]

From now on if an invitation says "no gifts" my RSVP will say, "no favor bags".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We always say no gifts (although we have asked for book donations to specific causes-ie school library). Frankly we are rich and our kids have plenty. An invitation shouldn’t come with strings attached.

You are rich and don't care about norms, I guess. When you have so much money, then you feel free to tell others how to spend, or how not to spend, their money.

OMFG. You are nuts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:From now on if an invitation says "no gifts" my RSVP will say, "no favor bags".

+1 million -- those things need to be outlawed.

[Anonymous]

“No gift” invitations are a test. The question is, will you pass?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OMG -- take a couple of weeks and read all the threads about no gift parties. Or, let me summarize them for you:

When an invitation says "no gifts" it means NO GIFTS. No gift expected, no gift desired. No means no. Think "no shoes" or "no nuts" or "no candy" or "no siblings." No means "I really, truly, honestly don't want that in my house."

Here's what NEVER happens:

"We said no gifts but DC was so disappointed that no one brought gifts."
"We said no gifts and one family only gave a handmade card. What cheapskates."
"We said no gifts but what we really wanted was a room full of plastic stuff that people brought because they thought it would look awkward if they actually did what we specifically asked them to do."

Here's what OFTEN happens, because for some reason DCUM moms can't read:

"We said no gifts but got 20 toys that we have no room to store and will have to donate or put in the trunk to regift next month. Which means I have to keep track of who gave what so I don't give it back to them."

This is absolutely perfect. I wish we could create a sticky and post it at the top of General Parenting, Off Topic, Elementary School-Aged Kids, and the Home Page.

Thank you, PP.

+1 Bravo

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My child is going to one next week. We usually get a musical card or something similar.

No! Not the musical cards! They are so annoying.

And a HUGE waste of money. $7-10 for a card??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I feel like if you don’t want your kid to have birthday presents, just don’t throw him a birthday party. Can’t you just have a few friends out to movies and lunch one day. Take a few friends laser tagging and then a sleepover. I agree with another poster. The parties are so big and impersonal.


Not all parties that are no gift parties are "big and impersonal." Our next door neighbor had a party with eight kids. It was a no gift party. We didn't bring a gift. We tend to have larger parties because DS has separate groups of friends from his public school, our church, and a supplemental school that he attends on the weekend for our native language/culture. The kids seem to have fun and get along, and frankly, I see nothing wrong with it.

Oh, you mean parent-engineered friends thru your over-scheduled activities? Not actual friends your child makes. Yeah, we see this all the time too. Big parties where most kids don’t know each other because mom cherry picks her favorites from every activity the child is in. Sounds so PC and grand.

How exactly do you think kids are supposed to make friends? Meet them at the bar? At work?

In their school or neighborhood playing - like normal kids. They make their own close friends. Not have 6 groups of random meaningless friends from all the activities the crazies put them in.

Yes, it is "crazy" for us to practice our religion by attending church (where our child has made friends) or to attend a language/culture school to give him an attachment and connection to our home country. You just want to be miserable.

I agree. Sounds like you truly dictate what type of friends he may have. Have to be your religion and from your home country?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Recently, most of the birthday parties we have been invited to request that no presents be given to the birthday boy/girl. What does that mean? Does it means show up with nothing? Give a small token gift? Give a card? Give a card with money? I want to respect the parents wishes, but I also don't want to offend them if this request really has an alternate meaning.

If you want to respect the parents wishes, do not give a gift. Take them at their word. I only messed up once and felt like a douche bag...they really, really meant "please, we do not want any gifts our child has TOO MUCH STUFF".

[Anonymous]

My husband and I have been wondering what is up with this. We have been to "no gift" parties without bringing a gift only to walk in and see piles of presents. It's confusing!

For our child, we always say no gifts please but everyone still brings a present. That is embarrassing for some reason.

A good friend of mine and my brother both insist that I not send gifts and then two months later send my child a gift. Is this some kind of coded politeness that I don't comprehend?

I really don't care if people bring gifts or not. It's actually the people who cancel at the last minute with a flimsy excuse that bothers me. If I book a party for a certain number of guests I have to pay for it whether they show or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We always say no gifts (although we have asked for book donations to specific causes-ie school library). Frankly we are rich and our kids have plenty. An invitation shouldn’t come with strings attached.

You are rich and don't care about norms, I guess. When you have so much money, then you feel free to tell others how to spend, or how not to spend, their money.

Wealthy people do a lot of things differently. This is going to blow your mind. Please sit down and prepare yourself. Are you seated? Good.

At our wedding we requested no gifts. Yes, we spent 10s of thousands of dollars for a party with no expectation of anything in return other than a celebration with our family and friends.

Carry on.

[Anonymous]

Every time we have been to a no gift and not brought a gift everyone else has! The most frustrating thing ever. Because then awkward moment the kid opens gifts and nothing is from my child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We always say no gifts (although we have asked for book donations to specific causes-ie school library). Frankly we are rich and our kids have plenty. An invitation shouldn’t come with strings attached.

You are rich and don't care about norms, I guess. When you have so much money, then you feel free to tell others how to spend, or how not to spend, their money.

Wealthy people do a lot of things differently. This is going to blow your mind. Please sit down and prepare yourself. Are you seated? Good.

At our wedding we requested no gifts. Yes, we spent 10s of thousands of dollars for a party with no expectation of anything in return other than a celebration with our family and friends.

Carry on.

Oh please. And no one brought you a gift to your wedding?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Every time we have been to a no gift and not brought a gift everyone else has! The most frustrating thing ever. Because then awkward moment the kid opens gifts and nothing is from my child.

These are extraordinarily rude hosts. The last thing they should do is open the gifts they requested not to have in front of the guests. The guests who didn't listen were rude, also.

This has never happened to us. People may or may not bring gifts (we don't if asked not to) but no one has then opened them up in front of the crowd.